A child each none together

[luckydip99]

So Christmas is meant to be the most wonderful time of the year.. well every year it seems to be full of stress and arguments about presents,

So my daughter is born on Christmas Day (unfortunately) and I always buy her birthday stuff and then her Christmas stuff (we do her birthday a few days before) but every year he always seems to think that 5-7 cheap presents in total is enough for her but then when it comes to his son he goes all out spends around £100-£200 on Christmas then a further £100+ on his birthday (which is in February) I'm really starting to struggle with how he thinks it acceptable to not wanna spend on my daughter, yet splash out on his son (i've started buying her stuff with my own money now)
I just give up at this point not point in this post just a rant 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

I take it your finances are joint?
Are the kids of similar age?
How about you say 'let's agree a budget for the kids Xmas and birthday gifts?'

Does he spend his own money on his child? If its joint then you both agree for both kids the budget for birthdays and Christmas. If its your money spend what you want (and he can spend what he wants), though it would be nice if they were similar budgets.

Finances aren't joint, I've tried saying that we should have set budget but he doesn't see that it's far because he's stuff is more expensive ( correction he's got more experience Taste) they are 4 years apart and I get that he's older but to spend £300+ on his son for his birthday and Christmas and then only only wanna spend 100 max on the only day she really gets to have, it's just makes me think he's cares more about the happiness of his son than my daughter, last year was heartbreaking to watch when he had piles of presents and she only had 7😩

Can you move your dds birthday to the same day as his dc rather than celebrating a few days before Xmas. Might make him realise how U he's being?

Finances aren't joint

If they are my joint, what's the solution?

Aren't!

How much do you spend on his son??

I spent about £700 on my ds, similar birthday and Christmas as your dc, I expect my dp to spend about £50 on my ds. He will spend several hundred on his dc, I'll spend about £50. Why can't your dp spend what he wants to on his dc? If you want to spend more on your dc, spend more

He just gets shitty If I spend loads of money on my daughter for Christmas/ birthday, he just thinks it's a waste of time as she's till young , we celebrate her birthday around the 20th so it breaks it up. He doesn't seem to understand that even though it's the same day she still deserves the 2 separate set of presents 😪 it wasn't anyone's fault sh was born on Christmas and it's not fair that he always wants to splash out on his son and act like my daughter doesn't matter! Imma buy her more presents than the small pile she has and if he doesn't like he an fuck clean off, she's getting older now and she's starting to see she's not treated the same as him when it comes to Christmas and birthdays

You don’t sound very happy OP.. are you sure you are happy in your relationship? Strikes me as this issue raises larger questions. I appreciate you want to equally spend on your child as his and I think most adults in a loving relationship would be able to see that’s fair..?! He doesn’t sound very caring towards you or your daughter..

At the end of the day, if you don’t have joint finances , you can spend what ever you like. It’s your daughter. If you can afford £300 then blooming spend it. No man should be controlling your gift buying IF you don’t do your finances together. Even then, my partner & I discuss things we buy & budget etc.. there’s no controlling. It’s just an open discussion. If your partner is spending what he fancies on his son, then do the same for your daughter! And yourself!

At the end of the Day you're not married, you don't have joint finances and he isn't her dad therefore he can spend what he likes it's just unfortunate that he can afford to spend more than you? You didn't answer previous question about how much YOU spend on HIS son so I'm guessing you don't so why should he spend on yours?? They aren't siblings so no moral requirement to spend the same amount on them

Op stop letting him control you into treating your daughter differently. How else does he dictate things?

So he is buying for his son from his own money and buying some things for your daughter and you don't have joint finances. Why is it unfair for you to buy for your own daughter? Especially as it sounds like you don't buy for his son.

Why did she only have 7 last year? As you have seperate money, surely that was because you decided to buy 7.

I am completely confused. If money us seperate, each buy your own kids presents. The other buys a gift for their step child.

If he moans. Tough.

Sounds very controlling tbh. I was in a similar situation and unless you have strict budgets for both, which should be the same amount, you are going to be having this conversation year after year. Please don't let him treat your dd differently.

Tell him it’s none of his business if it’s your money.

Ime if you aren't parenting /spending in agreement your relationship isn't going to work.

Depends on how old they are. If she's still little it may well be a lot to spend, it is after all 'stuff', apart from this is it a happy home environment? Does her father get her presents? Do they both live with you?

Start celebrating her half birthday on 25 June instead .

And also think about whether or not this relationship is working for you.