I first got together with DH when I was 24 and he was 40. He seemed quite broody and we got married the next year and started a family fairly soon. When DC were babies he was really hands on helping with nappy changes , "babysitting " although I hate that phrase when used for parents so I could go out and see friends or for an exercise class etc. As they've grown up (now teen/tween) he has got less involved. I feel like when they were babies/toddlers they sort of fitted in with what we would normally do as a couple.
Until recently he would have struggled with their dates of birth, he could not tell you what school year they were in or who their teacher or tutor is.
I remember when DD was 2 we went on holiday and we were going out to eat. At around 6 or 6.30 I said we should go but he insisted he didnt want to eat that early. but we hadn't got any food for her. We ended up going later, and she fell asleep in the buggy and didnt get any dinner. It just didn't register that her needs should come first, although he has since accepted we need to go out earlier if DC are with us.
We don't often have time or budget for family days out but if I suggest a day out he will suggest something like a food or antiques market, or a garden centre which I would DC would find dull as dish water. Often I've ended up taking them somewhere myself while he does his own thing.
Hes been to 1 parents evening and 1 sports day in 10 years. He works long hours and is self employed so I realise he won't be able to make every school event (I work pt and don't manage to go to everything) but most years he has a lads weekend, meaning a friday off and a midweek sports trip so it sometimes grates that he is too busy for the DC events. This year DD particularly asked him if would come to parents eve, he said yes but then arranged a meeting that evening. He said he was really disappointed and asked if he could drop into the school later or if the teachers could leave her work out. I had to explain what high school parents eves were like and how much structure and timetabling there is , you can't just rock up at a random time because you couldnt arrange to get there on time.
I'm really getting annoyed that I've got loads to do this w/e getting all the christmas shopping, doing housework and finish some urgent work and it just wouldnt occur to him that he could sort out some of the DC xmas presents.
As well as being frustrating i feel sad that he and DC will miss out on time together.I did speak to him about it once and he got really sulky and said I accused him of neglecting the DC which I didnt. Hes really stressed at work at the moment so I don't want to bring it up and make it a row. I don't know if or how there is any way of raising it, or whether it's too late now.