Meal time stress

[Morgomargot]

I have a DS 3.5 and DD 17 months. The 17 month old is pretty happy to eat most things but my 3 year old is driving us mad. Meal times have become a stressful battleground. I know they shouldn't be and I know I shouldn't nag at him to eat but unless it's spag bol, beans on toast, tomato soup or a cheese sandwich there is always going to be strife trying to get the 3 year old to eat. We've tried everything from ignoring his behaviour and letting him decide what to eat and hoping he gets on with it, to threats. Nothing works. I need some perspective as it is really pushing my buttons at meal times and I know that when I get stressed the kids get stressed but it's so hard to not nag at him to eat the dinner I've made. I've tried reducing portion size so he literally has a small spoonful on his side plate in case we are over-facing him. I've tried getting him involved with the preparation which works to an extent but isn't always possible. We have busy lives and need to be able to batch cook and pull something out of the freezer for convenience. I'm not asking him to eat extravagant food but tonight he was wretching over a basic chicken stew of chicken, carrots and potato! Arggggghhhh! Is this just normal 3 year old, pain the arse behaviour? I'm worried that he is going to turn out to be one of those incredibly fussy eaters who only eats chips and beans. I know his behaviour has been worse since DD came along and I have had to give my attention to helping her eat at meal times. I do help him eat too but even giving him my full attention whilst my DH feeds DD doesn't seem to help. I'd be grateful for any helpful suggestions, or any reassurance from people who also had pain in the arse 3 year old fussy eaters who now eat everything. Thanks.

If you know you can't hold yourself back from the nagging/getting stressed when he doesn't eat what you make him, I think you really do need to just feed him what you know he'll eat, because the stress/pressure isn't helping. Beans on toast/soup aren't difficult to make, so personally I'd just give him that every night with a small portion of whatever the rest of the family's having too and make no comment whatsoever about what he chooses to eat. I think most children go through this phase and come out the other side, but I know from personal experience having been a "fussy eater" growing up, the only truly negative food memories I have are of occasional times round the table when I was told I couldn't get up until I finished eating something I really didn't want. I'll eat almost anything now but those meals/foods are still triggering for me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Use exciting names for foods e.g. we call chicken in sauce 'sticky chicken' or soup 'surprise soup' or green beans 'squeaky beans' (can you hear them?) and ham up the name ...
Playing with food doesn't have to be a bad thing. We used to pretend we're dinosaurs eating trees when we eat broccoli – adds a bit of fun to the meal!
My dc used to eat things that they wouldn’t normally if it was on a skewers, cut into fun shapes or with a dip. We once had a cheese fondue at New Year and they were dipping things that they’d normally turn their nose up at.
We've explained about vitamins and minerals and how they help your body grow and stay healthy. My DD will now eat mushrooms because she is desperate to be a big girl. And DS will flex his muscles when he's eaten a lot of veg!
When mealtimes are becoming a misery or a battle ground then change the scene. Have tea in a tent or at a small table on tiny chairs with teddies attending.
Take a basic food that he loves e.g. bread, and add new things to it bit by bit – so try bread and cheese then eggy bread, then eggs and soldiers.
Serve small portions. He might be overwhelmed by a large portion of a food that’s unfamiliar or not his favourite. Also you’ll waste less food.
If you know another child who’s an adventurous eater, invite them round for tea – watching them eat different food might just encourage your ds to join in.
Apparently it can take up to 10-15 tastes of a new food before a child gets used to it, so it’s worth persevering to widen the range of things he will happily eat.

I'd just ask him to try five forkfuls then give bread and butter instead. Make meal times as relaxing as possible and he'll get over it as a fussy phase rather than having long lasting food issues.