Making 'Christmas number 2' special.

[KatieE103]

My partner has a 4yo little girl who we are very close with, and who ordinarily comes to stay with us for 4 nights every 2 weeks.

Though it was initially agreed when my partner and his ex split, that they would alternate Christmases with her, this has not been the case and she has spent every Christmas with her mum. This is no different this year, and her mum will be having her over Christmas, and we will be picking her up early Boxing Day morning and returning her to her mum's on New Years Day. (The Christmas thing seems to be non-negotiable so we are trying to make the best of a bad situation.)

The problem with our current arrangement is that our 'Christmas' with her isn't very magical. She gets back to our house just before midday (we live a couple of hours away) gets her presents that are under the tree and that is the extent of it. This year we will be also giving her a stocking, though again not sure when/how to give her this.

Her mum does the Santa footprints, santa milk and mince pies, reindeer food, Santa sign, Christmas morning stockings and it just seems to be in complete contrast to ours. We don't want to step on anyones toes and agree that everything her mum does is for Christmas eve and shouldn't be repeated. We just want to make our Christmas more special for her.

I was wondering if anyone else was in a similar situation and had any ideas on how we could make our own Christmas with her even more magical? Traditions that we could get into now which would persist into the future and work equally as well when we have children of our own too.

What kind of activities is she into? Could you have a Christmas cinema trip with sweets and popcorn, trip to a local farm (weather depending!), go out for pizza or ice cream?
Something totally different.

Sounds like her mum has all the usual Christmas stuff covered, and you sound lovely and caring to want to make your time with her magical

Is there a local pantomime you could book seats for? Doesn't have to be a big one. Or special cinema visit?

My dad's side of the family all do Christmas dinner on Boxing Day. It started because my parents divorced when I was tiny, but actually takes pressure off of everyone who has multiple groups to see over the hols. For me it was never 2nd Christmas or other Christmas, I had Mum Christmas and Dad Christmas. Accepting it and making it the norm may save the yearly drama and associated bad feeling.

Panto, theatre trip, one of those light shows in woods/gardens of stately homes, ice skating. Afternoon tea or pub lunch. Traditions should revolve around experiences i think, not stuff. Give her a book token and go with her to choose a book. Even going swimming!

You could have a New Year's Eve box. Start it this NYE. Say that each time she comes to stay you and she can put in a note or a memento of that weekend, a picture or ticket or little thing.

Next NYE you can open it up and look through all the memories of the year, empty the box and start again.

At 4 I think going to Daddy for a 2nd Christmas lights s fine, you don't have to try to out do her mum, you can just give her the gift of time and love.

I have a little boy who is also 4. I seem to be on the opposite side of this to you. But let me just say, you sound amazing and the little girl is lucky to have you! My ex husband's partner seems to try and compete. I agree with others, make your own traditions. Panto, new years Eve box (maybe with gloves and sparklers if you think she might stay up that late). You really do sound lovely, and you could carry on new years traditions when you have your own kids.

I always had 2 Christmas days growing up as my parents were separated, then had 3 when I was with XH - all were special in their own ways as each one had different traditions.
Now me & XH are divorced, DD has 2 Christmas days - we alternate the 25th but Christmas has always been about the people we spend time with and the food rather than the actual date.

I don't know what led to the divorce.
Kids are often not considered enough with divorce. Your room is your safe space and having to be taken out of your safe space and put in a 2nd home every now and then because adults have agreed is not so fair.
I agree that the child needs consistency and continuity. Magical Christmas at mum's is the norm here. So as much as it might seem unfair for the dad, I wouldn't really try to change things (I also cant suggest that without understanding relationship dynamics).

On boxing day, you could use the elf on the shelf wreaking havoc on the house theme set up (elves making a mess. trace of milk spill and unravelling toilet paper). They can leave notes/clues for a scavenger hunt for her gift(s). Ice skating with hot cocoa if age appropriate is nice to do. Visit a deer farm, feed them and take photos in your pjs. What's the weather like that time of year? Movie night at home.
It could be a day to visit less fortunate kids and offer gifts/meal as a modern spin on the traditional meaning of boxing day.
Does she open presents from her dad on Christmas day?