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Parenting

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My son 10 has been accused of stealing from a 'friend'

5 replies

Naimee87 · 04/12/2019 12:11

Very new here and looking for advice on my son having been accused of stealing by a friend last week. - rather long story coming up -
I had a horrible encounter with a 'friend' who I have a childcare arrangement with. I have her son(10) wednesday afternoons and she has mine(10) thursday afternoons and this has worked well for almost a year. Then last wednesday evening I had a horrible encounter when she turned up at my door to chat about something she turned up with her bf (there was no previous mention he would be joining and I am a single parent) to accuse my child of having a worrying problem, that he steals and cannot help it. She is missing a ring (a promise ring of which her bf has the other half) ... and apparently a jacket from her nephew is missing as well. I made an attempt after they left to discuss with my son who burst into tears and has said he knows nothing about her ring or this jacket. We checked his room, his coat and after a lot of probing and re-assuring him that if he opens up now he will not get into trouble but we will apologise and tackle the issue as a family together. I am fully on my sons side that he is innocent of this I have no reason to believe otherwise. After making an attempt to clarify this with my 'friend' she completely shut me down and with no proof has made it clear that my son IS to blame and DOES HAVE a problem that he cannot help and this MUST be addressed. The atmosphere is very hostile, she has said as I have not cooperated (code for: side with her) she will have to take 'extra measures' to protect her family. Needless to say we are no longer looking after each others children. She has mentioned the police already.... I am fully on my sons side as are my family, good friends of ours, his teacher who is not able to get involved personally but confirmed he has never seen him steal or had any other student complain that he has taken anything from them. Another childminder where he eats lunch 2-3x a week (i work full time and live in CH where the school system is very different to the UK) also sent a lovely message saying that this cannot be the case either having looked after him for the past two years never once has she seen any suspicious behaviour or missed anything from her home. I will add that at school a discussion on stealing was brought up I don't believe this was connected to my 'friends' ring going missing. But my son happened to mention he had stolen a lollipop once and took a classmates pencil case, both of these things happened last year and the pencil case was returned the next day (the lollipop was not though)
I am honestly so angry at this girl as my son is now terrified she will confront him or worse her bf will and as the kids are in the same class and we are practically neighbours it is very likely we will run into them at some point soon. Any thoughts would be really appreciated having read a similar thread the comments left were really amazing.
So if you made it to the bottom I am extremely thankful and look forward to comments. Many many thanks, Naimee!

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Zenlifeforme · 04/12/2019 20:59

You can type bump into a reply and it will put this post back up to the top of the threads. Just so people will see it and reply (I think that’s right, maybe check first).

I’m so sorry this has happened to you though. It sounds really weird and like your friend has had a frontal lobotomy on the quiet. I know it’s hard but I’d wait til it dies down a bit then ask her for a chat and find out why she has stopped taking the meds.

Sorry, I don’t mean to make jokes, but it’s just not decent or proper acting like she did. You don’t accuse people of things you have no proof of, she sounds like a terrier with a rag, she’s worried it so much and who knows what actually happened. Maybe she has got all Jeremy Kyle on you cos she thought it was true and now is having to make out like it’s def true otherwise she’ll lose face? Harder to admit you didn’t have all your ducks in a row.
Tbh you have dodged a bullet as people who love drama are hard work! Best out of that. Hope your dear little son is ok. Mama bear will protect him.

Hepsibar · 04/12/2019 21:30

It sounds like this has been poorly handled by your friend. I am thinking if it was me, I would have gone round and had a discussion with you.

Obviously if the little lad did have the stuff in his room and , I would expect him to apologise to me and I would thank him for being honest but say not to do it again. Am I correct that the stuff has not been found?

I think it is good you are not looking after each others children anymore. It is good you ahve the reassurance from the other childminder, teacher and so on ... shame the school did not also focus on evidence and so forth in their discussion about stealing.

I think it is good the school knows what has happened so they can be on the watch out for bullying.

Naimee87 · 05/12/2019 07:43

Thank you!
I appreciate the replies and to hear I am not the ridiculous one for siding with my son. I think she could indeed be worried to lose face after realizing she's completely in the wrong... the stuff has not been found or if it has likley I i will never know about it.
A face to face chat with her I would have been open to but if her bf is by her side backing her then I feel really attacked and I think it's very unfair of her to involve him in this .. I have found no evidence of stolen goods anywhere in my flat (double checked to be sure)
I'm a lot calmer than last week but this most definitely hasn't gone away I guess it's just a matter of time till i find out what these 'extra measures are' .. some people are just outright mean! Thanks again! :)

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Troels · 05/12/2019 07:57

Well you now know she is not your friend at all.
I hope you have stopped having her son over and your's going to hers.
I'd ignore and block her. You have searched and not found anything. Of course you will side with your child.
Turning up with her boyfriend is her trying to intimidate you into throwing your son under the bus.

Naimee87 · 05/12/2019 10:53

Yea and as if she would do that if it was her son being accused I really don't think so... and she is definitely not ever going to be my friend again. Shame she may have ruined it for our kids to be friends too!
Awful woman

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