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Sibling fights / bickering

2 replies

Pitapotamus · 30/11/2019 21:08

My DC are 5 and 7, they used to get on so well and now all they do is bicker and fight. Neither can let anything go. The little one is constantly trying to irritate the older one (with great success) and also constantly trying to get him in trouble. The older one can’t ignore it and rises to the bait every time. The older one also hurts the little one’s feelings by saying unkind things to him.

If it’s relevant, they are both perfect at school, they don’t play together but neither has ever been in trouble for fighting so they are obviously capable of behaving if they need to.

Deep down, the little one wants to be friends with the older one. The older one is fairly indifferent about the friendship thing.

It’s got to the stage now where we can’t all go out for the day and enjoy ourselves because of the incessant bickering.

They were the best of friends until around about the time when their little brother was born (he’s 2 now) and then slowly they started arguing more and more. They both love their little brother who can do no wrong in their eyes. Problem is, the toddler watches them fight and sometimes imitates them shouting and fighting, recently he learnt the word “idiot” and “liar” and just started randomly shouting those words at people! Obviously he just knows they’re words, not what they mean!

I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’ve read the book “siblings without rivalry” but it doesn’t really seem to be exactly on point. I’m looking for recommendations of other books really that might be able to help. Or other people’s experiences of things that have worked. Its just heartbreaking that they don’t like each other!

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Landlubber2019 · 30/11/2019 21:15

I used to feel the same, but now I appreciate that the fighting and arguments teaches them to manage confrontation, find compromise and self control in later life.

These are important life skills and as a parent, I suck it up!

I rarely fought with my sibling (i always backed down) this wasn't healthy and had had a negative effect on me as adult.

Pitapotamus · 30/11/2019 21:34

Are you suggesting that I just let them argue and ignore it? I can do that to a certain extent but I need to step in when it gets physical. Also, it’s all consuming because it is constant and so it’s kind of getting in the way of normal family life.

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