Feel like my 14 month old doesn't even like me

[Alicia870]

I feel as though my baby doesn't even like me and it really hurts. I don't know what I've done wrong and feel really lost. I've always questioned why she doesn't seem to want me over others, she never looks for me, shows no preference, is never happy to see me. But I've always thought - it will come. Now since she turned one, I've got more concerned as it really doesn't seem to be changing.

I spend the most time with her out of anyone else. I work part time but when I go to pick her up from the childminder she cries when I pick her up and wants to get away from me. She never bats an eyelid at me when Ive been away for a while. When other mums talk about how their babies are clingy, or follow them around or are so excited to see them I just feel like dying as my daughter honestly wouldn't even notice if I never returned. Meanwhile she loves her dad and is so excited to see him. I'm the one who cares for her most of the time, play with her, have taken her to baby groups, I'm just obsessed with her. But I feel so hurt that she doesn't seem to care for me or want me. I'm just completely blaming myself and thinking I must be doing something wrong? Everything with her development seems ok - she's saying words, clearly understands some things we say, all her motor skills are good so it doesn't seem as though there's anything developmental going on. I asked the health visitor and she said t means she feels secure, but that just doesn't feel like a good enough answer when my own baby seems to really dislike me and at the very least is completely indifferent to me. It's so depressing!

Babe you do everything right! That’s how babies are! Don’t worry, it’s just a phase and it will pass Xx

I’m pretty sure every mum says this at some stage. I know that doesn’t help as if if you feel like this it really hurts and feels dreadful. But your baby adores you. No question! Just keep going what you’re doing. I promise It’ll change and you’ll soon wish she wasn’t so clingy! 😉

But I've felt like this honestly since day one. I've never felt that she's ever shown any kind of preference for me ever!! It doesn't feel like a phase when it's been all I've known her whole life? I keep thinking it will get better, it'll change, but it just never does

Does your little one like books? My baby is 14 months too and he loves sitting on my knee reading books and naming things - I always feel it’s a really lovely way to bond.

I felt like my second didn't like me very much but I slowly realised I had PND and since going on a very low dose of antidepressants, our relationship has blossomed. We always loved each other but I think I was struggling to get to know her.
I'm not saying that you have it, but could it be a possibility?
A nice thing to do is join her for a nap when you can, being cuddled up in your bed for an hour or two might make you feel closer.

@HappyBee18 yes we do that and spend a lot of time looking at pictures and teaching her words, bedtime story and cuddle every night. But I still feel as though she is completely indifferent to me. She would sit on anyone's knee and do the same. I thought that being a mum would mean beaming smiles when u come home, little hands clinging to you, being the only one to soothe them - but it's just not happening!

@LongLiveThePenis lol at the name :) I don't think I have any kind of depression honestly. It definitely hasn't been smooth sailing adjusting to motherhood but I feel completely fine in my mood. I just worry I'm being a rubbish mum- don't see why other mums and babies have this bond that we just don't seem to have

“Alicia870” it sounds really tough on you. I agree with “LongLiveThePenis” - sometimes when I’m in need of some TLC for myself or I feel I’ve not spent much time with my little boy, I try to encourage him to nap on me and I always feel great for doing it. The baby must really benefit from it too.

@Alicia870 I know this isn’t a new post and maybe you aren’t on here anymore, but by chance if you are..... didn’t you find anything that worked for you for this?? I’m currently haven’t the same issues with my boy and I feel like I’m at the bottom on the list for him, even though I do everything and am with him all the time.
Was it just a phase or did you find something that helped with the bond?? Please help

@Chantetoomuch2 I just saw the notification on this!
My little girl is now 2 and I can tell you - it gets soooo much better! I was so worried about our bond for so long but now she just says mummy mummy mummy all day long. She constantly pulls on my hand and wants me to follow her around. I found it really started to get better probably only 6 months ago. When she could start to communicate better and understand more, recognise me, say my name etc it really helped. I also tried to spend lots of time playing with her, talking to her,
I think she is just an independent little person and she still is, it's just her personality. Some babies just aren't that clingy. I am sure it will improve for you and I know how it feels to not feel wanted but it will honestly get better!

Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this. I’ve been so worried and feel like there isn’t anything I can do with him. He only says “dada” and when my partners dad and step mum are over he goes to her when he hurts himself or wants to play or read, it’s heart breaking and I hate it when she’s here and I don’t enjoy them coming over.
It doesn’t help that I’m here in the UK without any family or friends.
Knowing that it’s gotten better for you gives me hope. Thank you!