Difficult to make friends at Baby Groups

[Goldie91]

I've been taking my DS to baby groups, mainly so that he gets out and about, develops skills and gets to see other children - and he does really seem to get some enjoyment from them.

The other main reason that I've started going to classes is to make new friends for myself. I've never had many friends, and thought that being a Mum would open up new doors to me as I find maternity leave can often feel very lonely. However, despite going to 3 different classes I'm finding that none of the other Mums seem to want to mingle.

I always smile and say hello to everyone when I enter a class, mainly just to get a half smile in response- not even a hello back.

After the classes, I try and make conversation by asking about their children - what is their name, how old etc., but they never seem to want to chat, or even ask me the same questions in return.

Is it normal that most mums go to baby groups not to mix with other mums, or have I just been unlucky?

That sounds horrible, where are you based Goldie? I’d love a mum friend if I’m nearby!

I haven’t been to any baby groups so can’t comment on that unfortunately but from what I e heard around here, baby groups often save a mum’s sanity so I would have expected a bit more for you can you try classes like baby massage or puddleducks or something? I’ve found sometimes a group activity can be more bonding..

Hi, that's really lovely thank you. I'm based in Suffolk.

I think I will take a look at swimming groups next, as you say a group activity may encourage people to mix a bit more.

It's a very strange feeling, almost as if the other Mum's are wary of new people.

Thatb sounds horrible OP. Here in antisocial London, everyone's been incredibly friendly, both at baby groups and even random mum's in the supermarket. Isn't it funny how things differ from area to area? I hope you've just been unlucky with those classes and things get better.

Aw you poor thing. I find the toddler groups run by churches to be the friendliest. At classes people tend to turn up do the class then leave. Whereas with the toddler groups everyone's there for a couple of hours mingling and then all gathered together for snack time x

I came on to ask the same thing, I've made lots of acquaintances that I can have the standard 'mum' chat with - 'I'm so tired, oh he never sleeps either haha' and that's it. After six months I was expecting to have made some real friends? I feel like I'm doing something wrong

I think it depends on which groups you go to. i agree London is easier. When I lived in London I went to shedloads of groups because my baby liked to be out and about a lot and we had a small flat. Music, rhyme time, massage, baby gym, art group, you name it I was there. Some groups were friendlier than others.

Then when I moved to Essex with my second baby it was a lot harder, there weren't so many groups, the ones there were (generally church run stay and plays) tended to have mums who already knew each other or who weren't particularly communicative. I made friends mostly through rejoining the NCT and going to coffee mornings at people's houses. There was also an art group where I made some friends. I think once you have met a few people that you can meet for coffee it realy snowballs from there.

In my experience most baby groups are full of various small groups of mum's who are already linked through NCT-type classes or through their older children . I have been guilty of that myself, but I never went to baby groups to meet other people, more to hang out with people I already knew, although I would never have not smiled or chatted back to someone - that's just mean and rude. Baby swimming could be a good place for you to try - I made a good friend at one of those classes as they tend to be smaller and people don't already know each other.

Thanks Iris, I'll try that

What a shame Goldie, I'm not based near you sadly but otherwise I would have been more than happy to be a friendly face at a baby swimming class

Hopefully you'll have better luck soon and other will be along with some more helpful info for you

Thank you all so much for your responses. Unfortunately there aren't a huge amount of classes to choose from where I am in Suffolk, but I will persevere and carry on going - more for my baby's benefit that mine. I agree with StickyToffeTart that there are a lot of 'acquaintances' to have the generic polite chat with, but it never goes any further.

I might try other groups that aren't necessarily aimed at babies as well. I know there is a walking group being set up in the area, so that will be something I can take my baby and dog along to and meet all types of adults.

Fingers crossed!

Hi OP, I haven’t used it myself, but have seen the app “Mush” recommended on here before. It’s for new mums to meet other mums locally. Worth a try maybe?

I agree with a PP that the baby groups probably have a lot of groups of women who met at NCT, although I also agree that they should make more of an effort to be friendly. I mainly go to baby groups to see existing friends, but if someone else strikes up a conversation, I always have a good chat with them, and then speak to them next time I go.

I think you have probably just been unlucky. Does your town/village/are have a Facebook page where you could ask of there are any other Mums who would like to meet for a coffee at a soft play or anything?

Having 8 month old twins I don't usually have time to mingle in groups because I'm too busy... so they are more for my babies to interact. I have found a few friends through the "Mush" app though, and you can find other local mums easily on there who are also reaching out for company. I've also made friends through going out walking in the village, if something like that is possible for you too?

I think you'll find other mums are feeling the same as you - maybe try to make conversation a bit more. Find out what other groups people go to... see if anyone wants to start a WhatsApp group (I find these much easier than face to face chat initially) then hopefully it will blossom from there. Good luck!

My advice would be to try and get them on social media. I’m not the most socially confident person but I found that the week after I’d added a few mums to Facebook conversation came much easier at the next class. (Usually there’s a sign in sheet you can slyly name grab from...)

Honestly I’m not weird, just awkward

I've met lots of mums at baby groups over the years and made only two new ones that I consider good friends as our children grow up.
My advice is...
Observe. Look for mums who look like they might be on their own and take the time to go and say hi. Build this up over a few weeks then suggest a coffee out or swapping numbers for a play date. It's really hard to build relationships at the group but much easier on a one to one basis. Good luck

I found the best way to develop more of a relationship was at lunch after the class - I choose an 11 o'clock class because it works the best with my routine.

However, I think that most people are there for the class rather than to socialise. Most of my enduring mum friends have been met through ante natal classes, or friends that have had babies.

I'm in Oxfordshire and my son has now just started school. My friends at groups did tend to be my NCT group and one other friend that I knew from childhood. I never made any other friends. Once my son was at nursery and they started having parties I became friendly with some of the mums. In fact we went to the xmas Lights switch on tonight with friends from nursery even though our children are at different schools. It is hard and can be isolating as a new mum.xxx

That sounds horrible! I must admit I didn't have much luck at classes like Jingle Bugs or Hartbeeps, but I joined a mums fitness club called Busy Lizzy (bqby goes with you) and that was amazing. I see the friends I made there more than I do my NCT group! They're a franchise- might be worth checking to see if you have that group in your area?

Yes, same here. After 3 years I have given up. This area is just not friendly

Hi OP

Have you tried one of the mum meeting apps? There's a few? I think there's one called mush and one called peanut? They match you up with other mums in your area with similar ages DC's and interests. Like tinder for mums.

I think you can often find playgroups a bit cliquey as often mums go along with other friends. You could try asking your health centre for a list of baby groups, I've found at baby classes a lot of mums tend to go alone so might be worth trying that? I did Rythm time and baby sensory with DD1 and Hartbeeps with DD2 both groups have had lots of nice women on them.

X

Like a PP, I found NCT coffee morning and baby groups very friendly in London, but when I moved to a Midlands village when DS was still tiny, I encountered a very different and much more insular type of group — uncommunicative, uninterested in meeting newcomers etc.

I was exactly the same socially-confident person I’d been in London, and did all the ‘right’ things, but I made no friends at those groups. After several months of trying, I either played with DS or read a book.

Are they classes or groups? Less chance to chat in classes. Sometimes you just get weird group dynamics which mean people aren't friendly. Maybe see if you can find some other baby / toddler groups. I found baby groups incredibly friendly but I suspect it depends where you are. If you live in a small community where people stay friends from cradle to grave they may be less welcoming to new comers.