Formula feeding guilt

[smartcarnotsosmartdriver]

DS was born a week ago and I had intended to breastfeed. However he didn't get enough milk, his latch was good and he settled between feds but his weight was plummeting. They pulled us back into hospital and put us on a feeding plan. I expressed while I was in but it made me miserable. They had us on a schedule which meant that he was being fed by DH and I was pumping. It broke my heart and for 2 days I didn't feed him at all. Now that I'm back home I've decided to switch to formula so I can actually enjoy my beautiful baby rather than constantly stress about how he's being fed but I can't help but feel guilty.
Breast is best was pushed so hard while I was pregnant that I feel like this is the end of the world. I'm also not looking forward to telling my midwife. Please talk me down off my PFB ledge.

I switched to FF at 6 weeks and it was the best decision I ever made. (Despite the initial guilt.) We were all so much happier, and DD was so much more content. We were able to get into a decent routine which was really important for my mental health. (She also slept much, much better - 9 hours solid after a week rather than awake every hour!)

DD is 2.5 now and an absolute delight. Bright, confident, loving and rarely ill. At her preschool no one knows (or cares!) who was breastfed or who had formula - it’s irrelevant now!

If I have another baby I will definitely put less pressure on myself to breastfeed, and probably move to formula much sooner than I did with DD.

There does need to be far more proper hand on support for new mothers who would like to breastfeed. I truthfully was unimpressed with all midwives’ postnatal infant feeding advice with all three of my babies. They are just swamped and don’t have the time it requires that’s why lactation consultants are in high demand.

Many many babies have tongue ties which is the biggest impediment of successful feeding: not just in terms of poor latch but also causing stress pain and discomfort for the mother. One of my children needed three tongue tie procedures as it fused over again twice. The posterior ones are tricky to accommodate. Tongue tired are also hereditary and more common in boys the specialist nurse who performed my daughter’s tongue tie told me.

Wakefulness and the need for comfort also needs to be distinguished from hunger. Newborn babies!and very young babies are not meant to sleep for hours. The wakefulness is also considered by researchers to be a survival instinct and to be a factor against SIDS. A newborn and a young baby has a tiny tummy too so their intake in one sitting is limited. Having said that I think babies are either sleepers or not!

I think we feel guilty when breastfeeding doesn’t work out for whatever reason because we are awash with hormones. And tired. And recovering from having a baby, but the truth is if you get support and get it right it is remarkably easy and a generally positive lovely experience.

Honestly I’ve spent the past 8 months feeling guilty for something or other 🤣 it’s part and parcel I would say.
You’re doing a wonderful job so please do what is best for you and your gorgeous new baby.

Snap! I tried for 2 weeks and went full formula. Breast is not always best, it needs to work for both you and the baby. Also maybe do some research into the teeny tiny benefits of breast over bottle, very, very hyped up. The guilt though was strong but you will get to a point where you come to terms with it and realise it was the best decision for your family.
I'm also a primary school teacher and I could not tell you which of the children in my class were breastfed.

Obviously all midwives are different, but I was really worried about 'admitting' to mine that I'd given up trying to breastfeed and switched to bottles (initially expressed, then formula, as the constant pumping was making me ill). It was the 'specialist' breastfeeding midwife who happened to be the next to visit and she couldn't have been kinder or nicer about it all. So try not to worry about 'what the midwives will say'.

Last night was great, bottled for the wee guy, we even took it in turns so we got 6 hours sleep! Spoke to the midwife I've seen all through my pregnancy and she couldn't have been nicer. She said well done for all I'd done on the last week and that he'd got the most important bit. She asked me if I was enjoying him and I said I was now. I remember asking a midwife at my antenatal class if there would be formula at the hospital if I wasn't able to breastfeed. Her answer was "why wouldn't you be able to? There's plenty of support" thinking back I'm actually quite angry about that.

Place marking so I can come back later when kids are settled are tell you my stories. FF and bf are both fine, I’ve done both. If you want to bf then you still can but equally ff is fine too.

Remember fed is best.

@smartcarnotsosmartdriver Hi

I have a 3.5 week old little girl and this happened to me. She lost 14% in a week and we was back in hospital with many test being done on baby.

It was heartbreaking!

I switched to formula because that way I can clearly see what she's taking.

I felt guilty but now I look at her sleeping peacefully and ask myself why? She's fed and she's content. We're all doing our best our way and that's what's important

X

I second combination feeding. My DS didn’t latch until day 9 after his tongue tie was cut. So he was bottle fed expressed breast milk and formula. By that point it was hard to get my supply up to his demand so I just continued with both. Even if a bit of breast feeding is just for comfort rather than him getting a lot of milk out of it it’s still nice to do if that’s what you want.

I can promise you with certainty that this is not something you will even think about in 2 years time. You do what works, own it and enjoy it!

Thank you everyone for all your comments and help. These hormones are a bitch! He's taking really big feeds which I know I couldn't have kept up with and I hated pumping. Trying to latch just upsets us both so I'm becoming more and more happy with my decision. He's happy and fed and I'm happy and can enjoy his cuddles while I'm feeding him from his bottle. Also meant I was able to get out of the house today and go with DH to register his birth which was lovely. I spoke to my mum, she FF me and BF my sister, she said to say that she'd "done better" or loved my sister more would be absolute nonsense. As daft as it sounds that made me feel better.
He takes the formula absolutely fine, dribbles a little bit but the bottles and teats I have seem to suit him quite well.

Do what's right for you.
Choosing to FF after struggling to EBF and having the stress of expressing was the right thing for us and helped with DS's relationship with his dad too.

Fed is best!

Plus you get the added bonus that other people can be involved (e.g. grandparents) when you feel comfortable with it.

I'm FF my 12wo 2nd DD which was never my intention. I still get a pang of jealousy when I see a BF mum out and about.
I completely understand your guilt, my dd was the same, noone could see a problem with latch or positioning, tongue tie had been snipped but my boobs were bleeding, I was balling my eyes out with every feed because of the pain and her weight was dropping every day.
I too was on a feed/express treadmill that was not going to be sustainable once my husband went back to work and I had a toddler to look after too.
My first had fed with no real issue so I didn't understand why.
However, when she downed a whole bottle of formula after feeding on me for 45 minutes, almost as an experiment, I knew what the decision had to be.
Sending hugs, once you see them feed and begin to thrive and weight go back on, the relief you feel is amazing.

Hey don't feel guilty. All that matters is that baby is fed. It's not worth your stress to be feeling like this.
I breastfed my first baby and it was hard work at the start. I then had a mastectomy so couldn't breast feed my second child and I've had a number of comments about "dont I think breast is best". I roll my eyes and indulge them in the fully gory medical details of choosing to have your breasts removed in your 20s for preventative reasons. I usually get an apology.
Do not feel guilty you're going great however you do it!

Why does breast feeding make us mummies feel so shit and full of self doubt?
I feel for you! My 3 week old is combination fed as she had jaundice at 4 days and I'm full of self doubt over my breast feeding abilities, I feel like my milk is depleting so I'm pumping and only producing 20ml so how is she eating enough when on my boob???

That said baby is perfectly healthy now and we've been discharged from the midwife now. She has plenty of wet and dirty nappies, very alert when she wakes etc so I must be doing something right. I will certainly be going to the local BF class next week as I want to have a chat and have some questions answered.
Good luck with it all and don't be afraid to talk to your midwife or health visitor etc. And remember, fed is best!

OP if it helps think in the longer term, when your DS starts solids you can make sure he has pureed/ finger food fruit and veg and as a child access to healthy meals plus let's face it biscuits as we're all human.

BF or FF is just stage one of feeding. I don't look at my two DC and see a difference between the FF and BF one. They also don't remember and it's of no concern to them.

Your baby, your boobs and your body - it's your choice x

I had much the same experience, was desperate to feed and tried so hard for 3 weeks fought through mastitis, nipple thrush my daughter lost 12.4% of her original body weight and we were put on a program and then she lost even more weight over night.

They then realised that he was tounge tied, she had the cut and we had new feeding positions to try given to us by a feeding specialist, but neither of us could get used to it - recovering from an emergency section it was tricky to hold her in certain positions.

I was so upset to put her on that bottle, but it's worked for the best. She's now 5 months and gaining weight beautifully, and it's nice to see the bond she has when her dad feeds her.

I was lucky enough to have really supportive family, friends and health visitors, and I told myself at the end of the day her need to gain weight was more important than my dream to feed x

Good luck whatever you do x

Look , I exclusively breastfed til my son was 7 months, then switched over to formula. My son was sooooo much more settled on formula and I had a new lease of life - with hindsight I should have made the switch earlier as we were struggling. I'm pregnant with baby number 2 now and I will NOT put such pressure on myself again. Combo feeding sounds perfect in your situation and is probably what I will do with my second child.

And if you decide no breastfeeding at all is best for the pair of you... that's okay too. I know people talk a lot about what's best for the baby but I think what's best for the baby is to have a mother who's happy, present, and not struggling too much. If breastfeeding is preventing that from happy, that's not good for anyone.