Hello, I was hoping someone may have advice or can identify with my situation. I've been with my partner now for over 3 years and we have a 1-year-old son, who we both adore.
When I met her those years ago, I was about 18 months out of a very long-term relationship (where I was dumped out of blue & heartbroken) and a year after death of my mum. I was in the middle of a stupid 'man whore' phase where I was doing a lot of dating and one-night-stands. We agreed to keep things casual at first, which suited me perfectly. However I noticed she started to develop more feelings, which shocked me a bit.
Because I wasn't looking to commit I initially tried to ignore it but as time went on, I got to know her as a person a lot more and found that I really liked her - and after a few months I knew I wanted her to be my girlfriend. But part of me still had that 'were you done being single?' thought. I am a very anxious person who obsesses over thoughts. I def have a history of anxiety and self-doubt.
Fast forward a few years and we have travelled the world together, sharing amazing times, lots of fun and great sex and had a baby together. But every so often I get this worry of "oh do you love her enough?" "are you truly in love?" "where has that 'in love' feeling went today?"
It's incredibly frustrating because I can point to many times where I have been very happy with our life and how much I love her. I just get so down and feel awful guilty when I get these questionable thoughts. Everything I've written here I have told her, because I am always open and honest to her. The idea of ever hurting her destroys me. But as she has told me, nobody ever feels that "intense" feeling all the time - and no love is the same. She says she has had her negative thoughts too but she just wants us to be there for each other. She believes it is my anxiety that I constantly feed and make it worse.
She says when the anxiety isn't in the driver's seat she can see the real me. I think that's a lovely thing for someone to say. How can I help this situation? It's almost like I 'NEED' to feel that love sensation, and when I don't - I panic. Does anyone have advice or know what I am going through? We are both 31 years old. Thank you.