Baby-led play, thoughts?

[Biscuitsandteaplease]

www.janetlansbury.com/2011/11/how-to-stop-entertaining-your-baby/

Came across this earlier while googling ‘how to entertain 4 month old’.. just interested to hear thoughts on it really?
The idea that I don’t need to spend hours dangling toys in front of DS for hours on end caught my attention but not sure I agree with leaving him alone.
Never heard of this person either, should I have?

Any other ideas on what to do with a 4 month old also appreciated! Feeling useless today.

I've been a member of various more gentle parenting forums and they're pretty scathing on her methods. Human babies are just not ready to be 'independent'

I didn't leave DS alone, ever, it just doesn't fit with my nature. He's now 2.5 and will happily wander off to play then find me when he needs something or wants to interact, He did that in his own time.

This woman thinks it's ok for a baby to cry if they're held

I remember googling the exact same at 4 months old... They don't really do much yet. I started doing some classes to fill the time, and spent a lot of time in coffee shops eating cake. He loves a busy cafe, people watching was nice and stimulating for him.

I felt it was wrong to constantly force him to play with things. Looking back on the pictures, I left him in the play gym, he loved playing with freddie the firefly. I've also got a picture of him in the bouncer watching the snow fall - not applicable for this time of year.

We all have our moments of feeling useless, 'following your instincts' is great advice but not always so easy.

I love Janet Lansbury, and I say that as someone who is a firm believer in the fourth trimester, safe bed sharing, etc.

This woman thinks it's ok for a baby to cry if they're held

Yes... What she actually says is once all other reasons have been ruled out consider that your child may feel overwhelmed or frustrated or any number of nebulous emotions that they can't express. So, rather than feeling useless as a parent because you haven't "fixed" it, and rather than leaving them to cry it out, you just be emotionally present and support your child while they let it out.

In my experience, her critics have rarely read our understood her work. I'd highly recommend listening to her podcast. It all makes much more sense when you hear her tone of voice.

With regards to playing on their own, at four months, that may only be for a few minutes. Or even less if they aren't used to it. But how often have you seen a child looking at something only to have a well meaning adult thrust a toy in their face? Her point is that you respect them and the things that interest them. If they aren't asking to be entertained, don't jump in there. And, if they are, maybe just take it slowly to see what interests them, rather than rushing in all singing and dancing.

The point of RIE parenting is that it's respectful to both the baby and the parent. Sorry, I'm probably waffling but I'm both sleep deprived and excitable. Not a coherent mix...

I am not familiar with her but I used to put my babies on a playmat with interesting textures and sounds. It had an arch with toys dangling. I don't think I left the child alone but in the next room while I was making lunch for example. Babies are fairly happy watching you and just going along with whatever you are doing. For me direct interaction came when bathing, breastfeeding, changing and putting to bed (story cuddle etc). And of course when I was holding the baby. I certainly didn't feel the need to play alot of games. Of course everything changes as they grow.

My DD is 10mo but she's been quite an independent player from very early on. She can easily amuse herself for up to an hour at a time with no input from me, just with exploring her surroundings and playing with toys or random household objects. We still do plenty together but if she's absorbed in her own thing then I just leave her to it. She lets me know if she is bored and then we do stuff together. I can easily come and go from the room (which is baby-proofed!) while she amuses herself, so I can go make a cup of tea, sort the laundry, etc. while she's playing with her toys.

I think independent play is a really important skill to foster, for the sanity of the parents as well as being a good thing for the baby! It's incredibly draining having to constantly 'entertain' and I'm not sure it's a good thing anyway. If your baby is happy doing something then just leave them to it! Babies tend to let you know when they've had enough of something.

As for the crying, I don't really see what's wrong with a baby crying if they're being held and comforted? Babies cry. Sometimes you can solve the problem by giving milk or changing a nappy or putting down for a nap. And sometimes you can't and they just have a bit of a cry. They are little people, and just like big people, sometimes they will get over-stimulated or frustrated or just have a grumpy day, Surely holding them while they cry is exactly what you should be doing?

Equally confused about what’s wrong with holding a baby while it’s crying . I did that all the time with DS2 - what’s the alternative?

Surely if they’re perfectly content and safe lying on a mat playing then just leave them be. Make the most of it while they can’t move!

Obviously don’t actually leave them alone. Like leave the house. But no reason you can’t put the washing in or make lunch and eat it. I wouldn’t have survived a second child if I couldn’t leave her happily in a playpen and deal with her older brother

I think it means instead of frantically rocking and bouncing and panicking your baby is crying and trying to figure out ways to make them stop, you accept that they are going to have a little cry because that's just what they need at that moment in time and you hold them and talk to them while they cry and get it out of their system. Then they stop and life goes on.

I guess some people feel compelled to find a way to stop the crying because they think crying is a terrible thing, but if it's just a case of big emotions in a little person, which sometimes happens to my DD, then I cuddle her and let her have a cry and within a few minutes she's back to her smiley self again. It's an emotional release and crying is how babies communicate a lot of things, not all of which need to or can be solved by us. Sometimes we just need to support.

Yeah I found 4/5 months the hardest in terms of ‘entertainment’ and spent most of my time outdoors or at classes or visiting people. He couldn’t really play by himself for any more than a few minutes.
He’s much better now so when he’s happy I just leave him. He wakes up from his naps and I just leave him chatting to himself etc in his cot until I feel like he needs me. Same under his gym. He’ll let me know if he needs me. We interact plenty through the day, have some toy time, feeding, stories etc but I don’t feel like I’m in his face all day any more. He gets a lot of stimulation and sometimes he just wants to slow down.
We still have to go out every day though!! We’d drive each other nuts in the house all day together 😂

@Harrysmummy246 good to know your DS is happy to play independently now even without this, I agree with the idea that they’re not developed enough to fully entertain themselves and maybe it’s more about a balance and giving them the opportunity to try.

I tried it this morning before a nap and he happily played for half an hour while I folded washing nearby on his mat with a few bits around so feeling a bit more confident with the idea now, obviously not leaving him crying or clearly overwhelmed by his toys. I guess it depends on his mood and everything and it’ll change a lot & quickly, just like everything else!

Loving the idea of cake in coffee shops @sewinginscotland, definitely need to give this a try. Sadly, I am so paranoid about going off our well practiced routine that I’m pretty much housebound right now, that’s another issue (clearly nervous FTM)

As for holding a baby while they cry, I’m also not sure what an alternative would be? Was that comment meant as it sounds?

I don't know how you got this far without copious amounts of cake and caffiene! Leaving the house takes a bit of practise, but definitely has its rewards. If you've got a routine, that's great - maybe there's an hour window where you can get out and about? Even a walk does wonders to lift the mood. Mine would only accept the sling and he loved a walk cuddled into mummy.

You are supposed to rock and shush and bf and sing to a baby to keep them happy. Eventually I figured out that mine hated that and needed to be just held in a dark room.

@Biscuitsandteaplease
Yes you need to find the gaps!
I like my baby to have one longer nap in his cot each day so if he has that on the morning we go out after that and he naps on the go pm or if he hasn’t had it in the morning we go out and come back mid afternoon so he can nap in the house, if we have an all day out that we can’t avoid I try to get him 4x catnaps out of the house (he only cat naps on the go) so that he’s still having at least 2 hours. Bottles out of the house is no bother, I prefer to give lunch at home but if I have to take his food with me I do. It all becomes normal once you’ve done it a few times.

The only thing we absolutely have to do is be back in the house by 4.15 for tea and then bedtime routine. I’m militant about that 😂