How to create a sleep routine at 8 weeks?

[Fortunesrocks]

My son has just turned 8 weeks and I'm wondering how I push his bedtime to an earlier time.

He goes to sleep around 11-11.30pm each night and will sleep for 5.5 hours, have a feed and quickly settle back down for another 3-4 hours. He will usually then wake for another feed around 9am ish, and either be up for the day or will go back for another hour or two. I just wish I could get him to go to bed earlier.

I'm wondering how I go about getting him to go down earlier at night. Sometimes I'm exhausted and would love to go to bed before 11pm. He suffers with colic, and his awake time is from 9pm to around 10pm, he sometimes will fuss and cry (I think this might be the witching hour) and no matter what I do he's awake at that period. How do I establish a routine? Do I bath, feed and then settle him into his crib earlier even if he'll be awake for that period?

First time mum and just need some advice. What worked for you? I would love to be able to get into bed at 9pm.

My son suffered silent reflux (I don’t believe in the word colic but that’s because everyone kept saying it was that!) and so all day, but particularly evenings were so rough. But I started to follow his queues. So initially no matter how bad things were he would just pass out asleep at 10pm. Then I noticed he was having a rough hour 8-9 and realised he needed to go to bed before. It came forward gradually and he now goes to bed between 7-730 and sleeps til around 2-3 for a feed and then til 6ish. He’s now 18 weeks but this has been about since 12 weeks.

His bedtime routine starts at 6pm if it’s bath night. 620 if not as he had to be kept upright for a while after his feed because of the reflux (even though he’s doing better). It’s bath (if bath night), bed clothes and sleeping bag, bottle and a cuddle on the rocking chair.

I’ve also worked to get his naps right to help us get to that bedtime. He naps two hours after he last work and try not to nap after 5 so he keeps to bedtime.

It doesn’t always work though. You can make whatever routine you want and baby will do whatever they decide ! So I’d just keep an eye on certain things happen and start to adapt to that.

Lastly we put DS up to bed at bedtime rather than down with us. Same for naps mostly. If he’s downstairs he will keep waking up and won’t settle. So going against the guidelines but he’s regularly checked and we have monitors on.

Congrats and good luck !

Sorry spelling isn’t great. Baby crying and I’m on the rocking chair as DS is awake and crying. Even my own routine doesn’t really work haha.

@BellaNutella88

Thank you very much for the advice. How did you know your son had silent reflux? The GP said my son has colic but I often wonder whether it's silent reflux. I think I'm going to try and start the bedtime routine earlier then, and hopefully have him in his crib before his fussy/crying period starts.

I think I might be making it harder for myself because he does nap in the evening, he sleeps for almost all of the evening sometimes, but how do you keep them awake? I don't want to stop him from napping because he'll be even crankier and my head will be fried.

@BellaNutella88

Haha! I wish they came with a manual.

Haha id love an instruction manual. If he is sleeping in the evening and it’s working for you then don’t change anything. Don’t feel like you have to have a routine. At that age I really don’t think it matters too much. Survival mode !

Well my son wasn’t just difficult in the evening. It was all day crying whenever he was awake, wet violent hiccuping, couldn’t bring up wind since birth, constant grunting and moaning, back arching, wouldn’t feed well - desperately hungry but then when he got it, he couldn’t take it. He wouldn’t lay down on his back at all, I spent a lot of time walking around with him on my shoulder.

I think colic covers Gastro issues babies have which usually resolve by 12 weeks and therefore doctors don’t do anything about it because they ‘grow out of it’. My doctor didn’t want to do much because my son was gaining a lot of weight - never sick and constantly hungry to sooth his sore throat from the acid. When my son started gagging in his sleep I’d had enough. Even our paediatrician who we saw last week agreed about colic !

You could try gripe water, infacol, diff bottles etc but if it’s reflux you may need medication. Hopefully though it’s just something he will grow out of with time !

It’s super hard though. Sending hugs.

I confess my first reaction was envy at the idea of an 8 week old who only wakes once or twice in the night and a suggestion of being careful about changing anything that might upset this miracle! But it's obviously not working for you. If he's napping earlier in the evening then yes, I would do bedtime routine before the earlier nap and try to keep conditions during the 9-10 waking as consistent as possible with night time.

@BellaNutella88

Wouldn't that be heavenly! Babies would be a dream then haha.

It's so hard to know what to do for best, he's a great sleeper at night and I don't want to disrupt the routine we do have, I just wish he'd go to sleep a bit earlier. Especially with these dark nights 5pm feels like 10pm and by the time 11pm rolls around it feels like I've been awake forever.

See with Jude, he is always fine in the day, not a problem at all, takes his feeds well, brings up his wind. It was always the evening onwards, even though now he only has that one/two hour when he's difficult. The GP said had had colic because he was very, very fussy, and he would be desperately hungry, and want to drink but as soon as he did he'd arch his back in pain and couldn't drink it. He was also very gassy and struggled to bring up wind. We switched his formula to a comfort version, and have dr brown's anti-colic bottles. We have tried dentinox and gripe water and nothing seems to work. But he's been very good on the new formula so fingers crossed it's either helping or he's starting to grow out of it.

@UnaOfStormhold

Really? I didn't think that was very good, what with all the things you read and see online it seemed like my baby should be sleeping through the night by now.
Which seems crazy as he's still so young.

That's great advice, I will definitely try and get him down before his evening nap. Hopefully with consistency we'll manage it.

Do you have a partner? Because it seems to me the best thing to do would be for you to go to bed at 9pm and for Dad to take over the rest of the evening shift until he wants to go to bed. Particularly as he's on bottles - why do you need to stay up?

At least you could take it in turns - but if you have sole care most of the day, it's really no big hardship to ask your partner to do this.

And oh god no - they don't sleep through at this age and if they do it doesn't last (unfortunately!!)

Be careful what you read about sleep. There are plenty of so-called "sleep consultants" who will hint tantalisingly at having the secrets, which you can access as soon as you pay £££ - it's all a big smokescreen, unfortunately there is no magic, most "baby sleep science" is total guff. They do get there in the end. Obviously there are various things you might be able to try to speed things up or change sleep habits if they bother you, but they don't work for every baby, so just take all with a pinch of salt and most importantly don't feel a failure if it turns out the baby doesn't seem to have got the memo about when they are "supposed to" be sleeping through.

To be honest I think this sounds an amazing bedtime. I have a 10 month old that wakes every two hours.

Can you go to sleep earlier and the dad looks after the baby for a few hours? Are you having a lie in with your baby till 9, as 11pm to 9am with a few wake ups is pretty decent

@BertieBotts

Yes I do have a partner, but he works shifts and most of them are lates currently. He doesn't get home until almost 11pm anyway when on those lates so it wouldn't work. It would be nice to try on the days he finishes earlier though. And I think you're so right, lot of these so-called sleep gurus charge excessive £££ for the secret.

@doadeer

Oh really, maybe his sleep schedule isn't that bad in reality then. Yes I do, unless we have an appointment or something important in the morning to get up for I lay in with him until 9am ish, and then if he does go back down I'll get an extra hour or two before we start our day.

Ah just saw your update that's tough re the time your partner gets home 😢 long days for you. Do you stay in bed late in the mornings?

I think you will get used to it. Sleep deprivation is just a part of life now 😅And from what I've seen of friends most babies start to bring their routine earlier around the 4 month mark when you can start to really see a difference from bath a milk bed style routine. My son started having set nap times about 5 months I think so in theory that should make your nights easier too.

Your body is still recovering so it's extra tough at this stage.

Yes exactly, but to get you to pay they keep dangling this carrot of sleep by promising totally unrealistic expectations and/or trying to make parents feel bad about their baby's sleep when it is absolutely not a personal failure. And a lot of what they write on their websites is there to make them sound authoritative, but it isn't based in any kind of reality or fact. I am just saying, be careful about what you read - put the phone/laptop down if it's making you feel bad. Look at the situation as it is and ask whether it's working for you and if not, which bits need to change? At this age as well it's OK to think in the short term as in what is working now/this week, because it can all change in as much time anyway.

Can you nap with the baby in the day? Or perhaps DH can do a daytime "shift" with baby so you get a bit of dedicated downtime. That is what I have always done, but I know it doesn't work for everyone. Tricky when your partner is on shifts. Do make sure he is doing his shifts with the baby too when he is at home though. I know he works hard but you are essentially "on shift" with the baby 24/7 otherwise. It's OK to ask each other for what you need.

Oh OP. I would have sold a limb to have my 8 week old sleep that well! You are doing brilliantly. Yes - do bath time and just allow for the fact he may be awake. Building consistency is good.

@doadeer

It sucks sometimes but it's just the way it is unfortunately. And yes I do, at least until 9am, but if he goes back down and I'm tired I'll have that extra hour, otherwise I'll do the washing or clean/hoover around. I can't stand mess, and I always feel much better when the house is clean before we start our day. But you're right, sleep deprivation is just my life now haha. Even though I do wake up feeling refreshed most mornings, it's just the long days that kill me off. I'd love to be able to get him into bed for around 9pm so I could have a few hours of downtime where I don't have to worry about burping, feeding or holding a little person as much as I love him. I'm sure as he grows the routine will become more consistent.

@BumbleNova

Thank you, I hope I'm doing a good job. I'm really starting to think I have it quite good with his sleep.

Your routine sounds very similar to ours albeit DS is 14 weeks - it was nowhere near this good at 8 weeks. It's a pain when we have to do something in the morning but I'm just going with it for now. Whenever I've tried to put him down earlier, he wakes after 45 mins or so and he doesn't seem to fall into a proper long sleep until at least 11pm.

@BertieBotts

As crazy as it sounds I cannot go to the sleep in the day, no matter how hard I try. I could be dog tired but I cannot shut off. The only time I get if my partner is still at work is when he's down for the night, and I always feel rushed into going to bed myself. If he doesn't go until 11.30pm, I don't feel like I can go for an hour long bath, or just relax because he'll be awake in 5.5 hours and I want to grab as much sleep as I can because I can't sleep in the day.

If DH is on lates he starts work around 2pm so essentially I've got the day time shift to myself, and the days feel long, especially if he doesn't go down until 11.30pm.

I just went with their natural sleep patterns, so I'm not much help.

@mynameiscalypso

Phew I'm glad it's not just my boy that's a night owl. No matter what I try he won't go down until then. I could put him in his next to me crib and he'll be awake within a short time because he's just not ready. But just going with it is what I've been doing, if we're doing something in the morning then we get up, if not we'll stay in bed for a little while longer. It's all about taking what you can get I think.

Yes, that is a long time, and it must be quite isolating - at least when you're alone in that 9-5 kind of timescale, you can get out and about and meet other people in the same situation. When does your partner sleep when on lates? After work or in the morning?

Are you able to just lie on the sofa in the evenings watching TV and feeding him on and off? I know it's not the same as having time to yourself but at least enjoy when your baby isn't mobile 😂