Shouted at my baby, feel awful

[Cezbee87]

I'm sure there are tons of threads about this, I'm just feeling so awful about shouting at my 4 month old. He wouldnt stop screaming for most of the day, and I lost my temper. It's just put so much doubt in my mind that I can actually be a decent mum to him by myself. I've accepted a 2 bed flat for me and him and get the keys next week, and I just don't think I can do this by myself at all. I'm currently at my mums, and have been since little man was born, becuase the relationship with the dad went to shit. My mum came home to me crying and feeding the baby earlier, and she just said 'if you don't want to move out, you need to tell them you're not taking the flat. You can stay here as long as you want, of course I'm not going to kick you out'. I'm hacked off, that's really not what I needed to hear from my mum! I know she means well but I needed her to say 'you've got this, of course you can do it'. Something along those lines. I'm 32, and I've been back and fourth from my mums over the years, and I just need to make it final and have my own space. I was so excited when we got offered the flat, but after losing control and shouting at my boy I've lost all faith in myself and scared it will happen again. I know I should probably mention something to my mum, but I didn't want to make the situation more emotional tonight. I'm trying so hard and doing this alone and I'm worried I'm not good enough and hate myself for shouting.

Rant over.

You're not alone, having a baby is the single most wonderful but exhausting thing in the world. I have a 6 month old daughter and while I love her more than words can describe, I can't pretend I don't feel exasperated often when she won't settle. It's so hard and there's nothing wrong with accepting help.

You can do this, if living alone with your baby is what you want then you'll manage, it might be a struggle but it'll be rewarding. If living with your mum is what you want then that's just as great, don't feel that you have to move out just based on age etc.

If you feel like you're really struggling then please talk to someone. If you're just having one of those days then rest assured there are so many of us mums hanging in there with you. Sending hugs.

I understand how you feel. I had a very colicky baby and, once the evening hit, it would be constant crying. One night, after hours of crying, with most of ot being pretry much directly in my ear, i lost it and shouted 'stop crying!'. It scared my little one and he cried even harder. I've never felt more ashamed of myself than I did in that moment.

Those first few months are HARD. I certainly don't condone you shouting but I've been there myself and definitely understand how it can come to that.

In terms of you moving out, I certainly think its great that you'll get your own space for you and your little one. Will your mum live nearby? Just because you've moved out, it doesn't mean you can't visit often. Your mum may have subconsciously said what she did for her own personal reasons i.e. she likes having you and her grandchild around. She might feel lonely when you leave.Also, no matter how old you get, I think it's a parents prerogative to want to protect their kid. She probably wants you close so she can help in the best way she knows how such as physically helping with the baby.

Don't beat yourself up too much about shouting. Just try to think of mechanisms to prevent you doing it again. Music through headphones helped me while I cuddled and rocked baby through the crying.

Please don’t feel bad about shouting, I have absolutely done it, probably around the 4 month mark when his sleep went to shit and I was just a mess.

I would also say that if you didn’t feel ready to move out yet no-one would blame you, the first few months are incredibly hard regardless of your situation and I have nothing but respect and awe for anyone doing it on their own. If you think it’s right then go for it but equally if you wanted a couple more months that doesn’t reflect badly on you as a mum or as a person in the slightest.

Just know that whatever you decide, you are doing an amazing job and your little boy is really lucky to have you and your mum on his team.

Take the house - unless it’s easy to get them in your local authority! You don’t know when you’ll get another offer.

And when you’re having bad days just go to your mums to stay for a bit of support.
Everyone feels demented at times. It’s normal. As long as you realise that sometimes you need to drop the baby off with your mum and go for a walk outside for ten minutes. And then stay over at hers until you’re calm again. We all have a breaking point. Buy good headphones!

Keep the house.

You'll actually cope better once you're on your own two feet.

Your mum means well but you'll feel much more in control and empowered when you're the queen of your castle.

You've got this xxx

We’ve all shouted at our babies. It’s a thing. You are tired and emotional and at the end of what you think you can take. Next week will be better. I promise

I think anyone who's had a baby would understand and sympathise.

You're not alone! I did this today and I just feel awful! DD was constantly whinging. Not a real cry just constant irritating whinge. I shouted and now feel ashamed. It's tough looking after a baby. We're all just trying to get through the tough days one at a time. Just remember that you're amazing and you're doing an amazing job with your baby. It'll get easier (or so I have been told!).

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. It really means the world, and I'm so grateful to know there are people out there who listen and want to help! I love this space and what it provides. Love to you all xxx