desperate!! total regression after new baby need help!!

[rubyroo]

my 3.5yr old dd has completely regressed after her sister was born in june i know this is really common but i'm at wits end!! she's witholding wee and poo and refusing to sit on toilet has been really bad for a about 1 month i've tried ignoring it star charts rewards etc today i snapped and really shouted at her told her i was going to put her back in nappies if she didn't stop,all the things you're not supposed to do had to get my mum to come and get her because i felt close to the edge she particularly likes to do it when i'm seeing to the baby or the baby is crying she gets hysterical. i'm trying to stay calm and give her some attention but my nerves are v frayed now any advice?

No advice i'm afraid, but much sympathy!

bump

bumpity bump have sent her to childminders to give myself a break but anyone got some advice? before i go insane

hi rubyroo, sounds awful, it's a nightmare isn't it? They know how to push your buttons exactly. And of course she does it when you're with the baby because she wants you to paying attention to her not the baby!! Exactly the same thing with my ds1 when ds2 born in december - complete regression to the point of pooing in his pants up to 8 times a day. He did have some major constipation issues - your dd might if she's been holding it in?
I lost my rag that many times (this went on since before ds2 was born) after 8 months of 'accidents' every day and a battle just to get him on the toilet. So it became a battle zone, but at least I was paying attention to him and so are you with dd. It's become an 'issue' and it has to stop being one before she'll start being ok about it again.
I gave up on pants in July after having poo all day on holiday. DS is 3.8 and I felt awful about going back to nappies, but my god it's so peaceful now!! There's no yelling from dp or me or ds1, he's really happy and I don't have to wash out several pairs of dirty pants a day. I do have to change 2 sets of nappies, but even with ds2 in cloth it's easier than it was before. We've gone back to calm, so no emotion about wee or poo at all and if he manages.
It is really really hard to not lose your rag when you've just had a baby, you're feeding all the time, not much sleep and you're all adapting to a new dynamic dd most of all. If you want to continue with pants, the no.1 thing is to be completely and utterly neutral and never lose your rag which of course is completely impossible some of the time. But it's the only way according to the books, my hv and finally my pediatrician dad who does this for a living! Going back to nappies for a while (buy her some posh pullups, they do ones with princesses!) might save your sanity and also your relationship with dd. I can't believe how much better I feel with ds1 now, I was really starting to dislike him and it was all because of poo!! Not worth it. Anything for a happy family. It will get better as she gets used to the new baby, I found after about 5 months it was much easier as we all adapted. Sounds as though your dd is getting anxious if she's withholding, shes picking up on your stress and anxiety. Praising to the skies will help, but the neutrality is the vital thing. Course we're still in nappies, so what do I know?! Good luck anyway, I really remember what this stage was like, I felt like throttling him several times!