There is no routine and it's like groundhog day

[Monstermoomin]

So, routines for bed. 5m old. I know, I know, there isn't really a routine at this stage and that's fine. But, I don't feel like I'm ever going to crack it. I get her ready for bed around 7-8 depending on when I've managed to make tea without her crying. She has to have lots of cream on so it's difficult figuring out when to do this as too early and I'll have to do it all again later and wake her (ha who am I kidding she doesn't sleep).
I feed her (BF) and she often falls asleep, or she may fall asleep on me without feeding. Literally fast asleep and as soon as I try to put her in the cot, she wakes. I can then spend literally the next 3-4hours trying to get her back to sleep and in her cot.

I don't see how this is going to improve. Also, I have been in a spare room with her (for various reasons) for the past 12 weeks. On my own. No break. No help. I literally feel like I am never going to get out of this room and it's really getting to me. I want my own bed. Not a shitty spare single bed that hurts my back. I cannot envisage that in 4 weeks (when we had originally planned she'd go into her own room) things will have changed and I'll be out of this room.

So, I don't really know what I'm asking, or hoping you'll all say. But yeah. This is where I'm at.

Why not put her in a routine? You don't have to be strict with it but my baby definitely improved sleep wise once in a routine and I knew roughly when he'd wake for feeding etc.

I think I’d try to get into more of a routine too. I think we started gradually by getting DS to associate certain things with going to bed- so the bath, feed routine but also by trying to put him down awake and just put out hand on him/stroke him to sleep. And so on gradually until he was able to fall asleep on his own.
He was bottle fed so DH did weekends in the box room so I could catch up on sleep. Might be an idea if you’re ok with expressing or formula. I’d also suggest getting a better bed. DS is 16 months but I’m still often in the box room as it’s either leaky nappies, teething, a cold etc- but we are a little unlucky as other LOs we know aren’t as bad.

Definitely possible to have a bedtime routine at 5 months. And I know so many people say it’s a myth, but both of my kids went into the cot awake as babies and then settled themselves to sleep. Not saying they slept through, but I think they slept better as they could get themselves back to sleep if they woke up instead of needing me every 45 min to feed them back to sleep (been there done that)

We did, bath (if it was bath day), cream on and into pjs and then bottle or bf in the light either in their room or the sitting room. Don’t let them fall asleep on you. And then put in cot with white noise etc and leave.

My DS had a dummy, which definitely helped. But my DD didn’t have one. We introduced a comfort blanket at about that age. A safe one. Also both of them often got rocked until they were really sleepy. It is hard work but I think it’s worth it. DS would watch his light projector and DD the mobile and just drift off

I'm with @Caterina99 - I think you can definitely try and get her into a routine. Our little one is 14 weeks and we have a solid routine which we actually started when he was about 4 weeks old! Obviously he wasn't really into the routine at that point but now we do bath, bottle in a dark room, white noise on and then bed. He wiggles about for about ten minutes then falls asleep by himself. But it didn't come easily, it took weeks of persistence and returning to him and resettling and reassuring etc etc. So I think it's definitely possible at 5 months, and if you work on it now you might even have her ready to go into her own room in a month! Have a set routine at a set time, do whatever it is you want to do in that routine and end by putting her down in her cot awake. And then just keep reassuring her when she fusses or cry's (loads of ways - rocking, shushing, patting etc) and eventually she will fall asleep (hopefully anyway) and each time will get easier and shorter. I hope you manage to sort things out and make things easier for you!

Thank you for all the suggestions, I now feel slightly useless but that's my own problems hha!

She won't take a bottle anymore, I keep trying and it's like she doesn't know what to do with it. She has never taken a dummy either.

We have to bathe her in the morning cos she has a lot of creams applied during the day due to her eczema and if I leave bathing till bedtime her skin flares.

I was trying a dim lit room and calmer environment as a wind down, but it was very hit and miss. I have tried shushing, patting rocking etc, but if she is awake when she goes down, she literally will not settle.

I do have a white noise machine (on rain mode) more to drown out movements I make in the night returning to the bed and she is in sleeping bags which did seem to help with some of the wriggling.

I guess timings wise it's hard to figure out when I'll do thing's like make tea (which is always cold when I manage to eat it) if I'm spending hours trying to sort bedtime.

We do (from 4 months)

Feed 5.45pm
Bath 6pm
Creams and singing, getting dressed 6.25pm
Into sleeping bag and put down in cot awake 6.30pm
Cries for a few minutes and goes to sleep

It used to be two hours of crying before going to sleep and gradually reduced over about two weeks. Once he is in his cot we don’t pick him back up.

We actually couldn’t put him down for the first few months of his life so I do believe a consistent routine and some hard work for a couple of weeks really does pay off in the long run.

He also still only has a two-hour awake time at 8 months so he’s still on 3 short naps, getting 2-3 hours of naps in the day does help with night time. Organising daytime sleep definitely helped. When we’re in the house he naps in his cot.

You’re doing an amazing job - it’s hard work! I have no idea what I’m doing either and it’s all just been trial and error to find out what works best for him!

If your ebf and she sleeps happily on you then ditch the cot and cosleep. The problem is she wants you.

We do bath at 6.15 with big sister and then she feeds and sleeps on me in the sofa until I go to bed with her.

I literally can't cope with two minutes of crying so I don't think two hours is going to work for me.

Unfortunately I can't safely bedshare as it's a single bed and I have a dog shut in with me. Even if I managed to get the dog out, which results in scratching and crying at the door which doesn't help sleep, or accidents through the night cos it's hard to differentiate between 'I want to come back in' scratches and 'I'm going to shit on the floor' scratches

I can see that baths in the mornings make it harder. I think being in water is meant to make babies be more drowsy.

Have you considered a sleep consultant? A few of our friends have used them and found them helpful.

5mo was the worst time with DS1 for me. I found from about 6mo things hugely improved sleep-wise as he napped better, stayed asleep when he fell asleep and stretched out those stints of sleep at night so I actually felt a bit better rested! I did co-sleep which I know you can't. I'd stick with the white noise, maybe have a few signals it's bedtime as pp have suggested. If she's not really going to bed (as in, having her longest stint of sleep) at any specific time, I'd work bedtime around you. I always worked off the last nap rather than a specific time, so say 3 or 4 hours (find that balance between tired and over-tired) from waking regardless of what time that made bedtime. Also, if you are spending 3-4 hours putting her down and she's still awake - give yourself a break! Stop doing bedtime. Go and watch telly with her for a bit, have a cup of tea, chill out. Then try again. It must get very claustrophobic for you in a small room struggling on your own. I guess there's no option to swap with someone? I think the worst thing is shutting yourself away and driving yourself insane feeding / rocking / shushing a baby who won't sleep - I've been there!

If eczema is an issue have you cut dairy from the diet? Cow's milk protein allergy will cause sleep issues and eczema. I'd also do bedtime later (9 or 10).

We soft crate our dog in our room, she still scratches a bit but is contained and away from baby while still being on the same room

"It used to be two hours of crying before going to sleep and gradually reduced over about two weeks. Once he is in his cot we don’t pick him back up. "

Can't your partner, if you have one, go in the spare room, if he's unable or unwilling to take on the nights, so that you can co-sleep in the double bed?

We moved my DD into her own room at about 5 months because my DH snoring was waking her up. Did sleep training at about the same time putting her to bed sleepy but awake - she cried a lot for the first night, much less for the second and self soothed from then on. She often woke in the night, burbled away happily for a bit and fell back to sleep. We didn't have a baby monitor (her bedroom was only next door, not in a different wing of a palace). Sometimes I wonder about baby monitors being left on all night, babies can snuffle and be quite noisy and I think my sleep would have been disturbed a lot having a monitor next to my ear.

I’d second the earlier to bed actually. No naps past 4./4.30 up to darkened room at 6 - feed then bath and or creams (I know some babies with eczema can’t bathe daily) then into bed clothes in darkened room and feed (as many boobs as poss) and into bed by 6.30-7pm. 3 EBF babies who all slept ok with this regime, I mean routine, and all different characters and sizes.

@Monstermoomin i read my post back and i didn’t mean to sound like we did controlled crying, we didn’t, we sat next to him and stroked his head and sang to him / patted his chest etc, the first time it was a couple of hours to get him to sleep - he wasn’t crying inconsolably, just unsettled. The next night a bit shorter, after a week down to 10 mins. Now he wimpers alone for a couple minutes and he’s asleep. It was hard for a week or two but definitely paid off.

@floatygoat yes that’s not how it was and was worded terribly so I apologise! I don’t leave my baby to cry!
But basically he sleeps peacefully for 12 hours and loves his cot so he’s totally fine

I would get back to ur room, your dh or whatever can be in the spare one, feed lying down, or practice putting down when asleep during the day. If not possible get urself a decent bed.No bath is fine, my dd used to get more alert with a bath actually.

There is something wrong if you are doing this all by yourself. Why is the babies Dad not helping you?

We moved back into the main room a few nights ago as my husband could see I wasn't coping and she slept better for the first two nights and not so bad last night. So she either feels more comfortable or it might be that it's warmer, which can be counterproductive for her eczema but sleep is sleep!

Hopefully when we pop her into her room in a month or so the transition won't be too bad.

We had to be in a different room because we were trying to deal with mould and damp in the main room. So unless I were to leave her to cry (which I didn't) husband didn't hear her wake as was in a different room on other side of house (it's just a terraced but there's a hallway and bathroom in between the bedrooms)