Can’t win with husband? Am I being unfair?

[Nicola1892]

So I’ve been with my husband for 9 year 3 married. We have 3 children 5,2 and 6 months. I’m currently on maternity leave And he is self employed fx trader so works when he wants.. I just can’t cope anymore and if I ask for help he just says no or is more focused on playing Playstaion or watching TV. If I do leave him for the kids he just gets angry and shouts at them for being an inconvenience. Our youngest wakes up constantly all night so I’m exhausted, i Don’t let my husband help at night as he will just sit up all night with the kids and be foul the next day. Last night our youngest was awake all night! So of course I am shattered and wanted a couple of hours sleep today, but nope I get to sleep when the kids sleep and when they woke up he just continued to play PlayStation even though I’m exhausted. My parents had the kids on Friday night so I decided to clean the house and when I asked him to clean the bathroom he just laughed and said no! I am dreading going back to work as he will then have to look after the kids and god help them! I tried to speak to him about this morning as we haven’t talked since I got woken up with the kids but he gets so defensive whenever I try to speak to him, I can’t cope with doing everything myself and tip toeing around him all the time! Just feel used at the moment ☹️ It’s not like he even does anything nice for me or appreciative, I can’t even make new friends as he just doesn’t like anyone I speak to and says they are tramps and bad news, I just never feel like I’m doing anything right

@Nicola1892 I’m so sorry that you feel so helpless, I think the advice you’re getting is really hard for you to hear. Do you know what you were looking for when you posted?

Sounds a difficult situation. Very difficult. All I will say is, you have a responsibility to your 3 children, to show them what a stable and secure, loving and functioning home is.

I think you already knew what the answer to your own question and what’s right for you and your children before you even posted.

Thanks everyone, I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life

Start by making preparations to leave him. Then, do it. Might be the kick he needs to get serious about his own mental health.

He is manipulating you and just because he is depressed does not mean you should do everything.

I think you need too leave him. Easier said than done I know, but it seems the only thing you can do.

Yeah I know everyone is right

Sorry for the blunt replies he doesn’t know I use mumsnet, he always calls me a keyboard warrior! He’s asleep after a massive fight, him saying he didn’t want dinner so I didn’t make us any and then he went and made himself some, he then decided to sit downstairs for half a hour watching shit on his phone whilst I sort the kids out and now he’s asleep in bed! Least I get a couple of hours in peace, I feel like his mum! I just don’t feel like a have a real reason to end a marriage

Being unhappy, feeling and being unsupported, parenting on your own when you live with your children’s other parent, the anger and shouting, his laziness and lack of engagement in family life, the fact that you understandably don’t trust him to care for them properly - all valid reasons on their own my love. There’s no bar of “awful enough” you have to hit before you can decide to end a marriage.

Imagine for a moment that you do split up and you’re a year down the line. How does it feel? Do you feel bereft because you miss him and life is harder without him or do you feel liberated and know you won’t be disappointed trying to rely on him for him to let you down?

How incredibly lonely that sounds, I’m so sorry. Not to even have made you some food and left it for you while you saw to the kids. I know you had a row but that’s just mean.
Think now about your future.