Anyone have a 4 year age gap?

[Rainbowtheunicorn]

Just wanted some experiences on what it’s like to have a 4 year gap. Was it difficult to plan days out? Do they play together and are they close?

DD was a horrendous baby and still a lot of work as a 16 month old so we don’t think we could survive a smaller age gap!

Obviously there is never any guarantee siblings will get along but it looks like we’ll have a bigger gap than we would have liked.

I like the idea that DD would be at school or old enough to hopefully help entertain the baby. But I worry that they will miss out on a closer sibling bond.

3.5 years between mine and they get along lovely. I think it helps that they're both girls. My youngest (7) is a very young 7 and still likes to play and watch peppa pig. Yesterday morning they were both playing happily in youngest bedroom with the peppa pig house and figurines. I do think it'll change as my eldest goes into her teens, but for now they're happy enough.

I have a 3.5 years and 4.11 year gaps . Youngest is 17 so we have gone through all the stages . Best part was that we never had two in nappies , never had any real jealousy issues, and I had time with each of them on their ownwhen they were small , now older they are close but without the competition element . The oldest is quite protective whilst at the same time irritated by youngest !

There have been tines when I wished they were closer in age so could do things together but in general it really hasn't Been an issue . Financially it’s been good because we have spread the costs, not had two in university etc but it does feel like we have been parenting forever!

On the subject of teens I think having a younger sibling helps . Building a Lego model on the excusevthat it’s for your sibling ( is quite good for calming stressed teens

I have almost exactly four years between my two, on purpose. I didn’t want two kids at university at the same time! My two are both girls. When I was on maternity leave with the second, my first was starting school and I could walk her to school every day for the whole of her reception year. I am so happy to have been able to do that.

For the first 3 years they played amazingly together, eldest is very motherly and loves babies, and was so happy. The past year they have been more at loggerheads, youngest is such a free spirit and thinks rules are made to be broken! They still have overlapping interests, they both collect LOL dolls and like a lot of the same tv, mostly because youngest likes things a bit older.

Having separate rooms helps, eldest just needs some peace sometimes. They have played nicely all day today, and are slowly getting along better since youngest has started school. Eldest is only just growing too big for soft play now, they love going together, and youngest is just getting old enough for bowling and cinema, so we manage just fine. We also encourage some separate activities, like cub scouts for eldest and dancing for youngest, so they get their own space and friends too.

In terms of childcare costs, I’ve never had to pay full time fees for both ever, once youngest went to the childminder eldest had started school, so financially it was very reasonable to wait.

I think it’s a sensible, pragmatic age gap. It’s suited us perfectly!

There is about this gap between me and my sibling. Over sixty years later, I can still feel the resentment I felt having to take them with me when I went to play with my friends.
And don't get me started on the time sibling left a teddy bear in a field full of cows and I had to rescue it .

All of the above is light hearted ( but true).

Childhood is a fairly fleeting thing compared to a normal life expectancy. I've loved and benefited from, having my sibling in my life. I can, if course, recall the times when they drove me mad, but I also remember, and acknowledge, when they made my life so much more happy.

So my advice is not to over think thing's. It will all work out if you are fortunate. If you are not, then things may go wrong whatever you do

My two are four years and a month apart. I’ve loved it, it’s a great age gap.

When DS2 came along DS1 was just starting his last year at nursery and we kept him there during my mat leave - he had his own friends and life going on and wasn’t jealous of the baby, and was old enough to rationalise a little when the baby really needed me.

They’re 8 and 4 now and (mostly) really good mates. We have always made an effort to do things with them separately as well as together but so many places are good for all ages.

And as you say it does really split out the costs....

Yes, four years almost to the day between my two. Like most siblings they have their moments but are generally the best of friends. As the eldest is now a teen they are now a bit apart in interests but at other times they have been into the same things. It has never affected days out or holidays. It was a practical age gap when DC2 was a newborn as at 4 they can be involved in helping you.

Yes my girls do
They fight but also get on amazingly
They have such a laugh together
I’d say it was harder until my little one reached about 4 but now it’s great
They’re 10 and 6

4.3 years between my two.

My eldest is the best big brother and they get on well. I was so worried about it (couldn't help it, took us a long time to have No2) but it's worked out just fine

Four years here. Eldest went to school in the September as baby was born previous feb. Gave us a few months together then I got to focus on the younger during the day.
Worked out really well for us.
They're both lovely and have pretty much always got on, although that's no given!!
Re days out, we took it in turns when they were older, and the other had to suck it up. But in practice the older enjoyed being a youngster again and the younger always got involved with help.

We have a 2.5 year gap so a bit smaller than you were thinking but DC1 was so hard...DC2 has been such a different experience- in a lot of ways I find it easier with 2 than 1, which is bizarre. DC2 only 6 months though so not sure that will always be the case.

I have a 3.5 year age gap which made a 4 school year gap. The only difficulty was having to attend double school events when they were in KS1 and KS 2,

I purposely wanted 4 years between mine. I didn’t want 2 babies. I wanted to be able to give my eldest my full attention when she was a baby & then wanted to give my second baby my full attention too. My older brother is 4 years older than me & my younger brother next to me is almost 4 years younger & we all get on great so I thought it was a great gap.
As it happened theres 4.5yrs between mine. My dd started school 2 weeks after ds was born. It was ideal. I got all day with ds & then dd got my attention in the afternoon. When younger they had their moments but mostly got on. They are now 17 & 21 and get on brilliantly. As another poster said, it also helps financially to only have one on college at a time.

We have a 4.5 year age gap (both boys) due to miscarriage- so not planned that way but it's turned out brilliantly for us. DS1 was old enough to understand about the new baby and could help with small tasks which made him feel included. As they've grown they've become equals, very different personalities but respectful of each other. Yes they fight but mostly it's play fighting which they enjoy. The times they actually fall out are quickly resolved.

Absolutely lovely replies. Keep them coming!

It’s the school thing I like the idea of. Being there for DD while on mat leave in that first year.

Oh gosh I hope DC1 will be more chilled than DD. I adore her but my god, she was the most difficult baby ever. I hope second time round will be easier as I’ll know a bit more about what is/ isn’t normal (she had terrible colic).

A work colleague who has a child the same age as DD is expecting again soon- the thought of that happening to me makes me feel physically ill!

4 years would also be great financially as we definitely need a bigger house.

Exactly as the poster above, Alsonification, my daughter started school when my son was a few weeks old. Being on maternity leave meant I got to do the first 6 months school run with the pram and have time alone with a newborn without having to entertain a lively toddler.
They are now 18 and nearly 14 and absolutely adore each other, I love it when they go out for a pizza together etc. ( of course they still scrap and moan about each other, they’re only human!)

My DS turned 6 last week, expecting DD any time between now and new year. I know weve left quite a big gap but finances, childcare and jobs etc meant we just couldnt do it. And tbh we were happy enjoying our son. Im expecting them to fight like cat and dog tbh but im sure once theyre older theyll appriciate eachother a lot more x

4 years and 4 months between DS and DD here.

DD was born the September DS started school so I had lots of one to one time with her and was also able to be there to take DS to school and pick him up vertically his whole first year at school which was perfect for us!

I can't think of any downsides yet, DS is 5 and DD is 14 months and so they've just begun to be able to play together which is lovely.

5 year gap almost to the day. It’s great. They are nearly 8 and 3, they do separate stuff but are currently upstairs making train tracks and pretending to put out fires. It helps that DS1 is sweet and kind and very inclusive. DS2 is a little toerag sometimes but DS1 is super patient. I love the age gap. Yes, sometimes they have to do something because the other is to, but that’s life. I also assume when they are 30/35 the gap will seem minimal.

Two months shy of four years between my two.

Eldest was always given a crap deal by her younger sibling who bit, pinched, hit and pulled hair as soon as she could crawl over to her.

But with the eldest being 12 now, they still play together. Once youngest was old enough to try and play with, eldest would try and engage with play unless she was doing something she wanted to be alone for. Which she was more likely to want to do, where as my youngest prefers being in someone's company all the time.

Both have SEN so eldest can't collect youngest from school like her peers, but for the most part it's been ok. They have to share a room but we need an extra one to separate them into because I've had years of bother from the youngest, with the eldest being upset because she is disturbed around bedtime and early in the morning.

I wanted two close together, but I think a large part of that was because there's 16 months between my sibling and I. And ridiculously, we never got on (he was and still is an arse) so I don't know why I assumed it was the best idea.

My eldest two are 4.6 years apart and it's a lovely age gap. My DS1 is older and adores his younger siblings, he's a fabulous big brother and it helps that he is very kind and mature and loves to help. My DD loves her brothers and is a completely different personality to older DS. She's much more fiery and determined so I think therefore we're fortunate for the slightly bigger age gap where DS1 is older and less likely to be overpowered by her strong personality.
I've now got DS2 who is only six months, with a 3.4 year age gap between him and DD. I've found this time round the older two are able to play together so it's been a bit easier that way. Like other posters have said, I've enjoyed each of them as babies individually 🙂
I'd say go for it 😁