Son unhappy on his weekends with his Dad but still wants to go

[MadMrsB]

I'd love some advice please.
Ex and I split up 6 years ago. I have 1 son 10.5 yrs old, very sensitive kind, caring and funny
Initially we had 50/50 care- week on / week off.
After a year ex moved 40 miles away and time reduced to every other weekend
Long story short he does the absolute bare minimum, is so tight he squeaks, and never puts our son first.
Ex got married again last werk. Son wouldn't go.
New wife is v odd, failed to go to her own wedding celebration meal last night????
The relationship is very toxic.
Every weekend son is there he video messages me in tears saying he misses me and wants a cuddle. Last night he was beside himself. His Dad just said he was over reacting!!
Son is so desperate for his Dad to step up and is so hurt and disappointed snd just craves the attention and interaction with his Dad.
He says he still wants to go every other week as it wouldnt be fair on his Dad. His Dad is excellent at playing the victim.

So what do i do? Let him still go but continue to be heartbroken every other week (his behaviour dramatically changes on the days leading up to the Friday he goes to his Dads)? Or intervene and have son upset with me for not seeing his Dad.
I've spoken several times to his Dad about it and said how important it is for them to have healthy relationship and to talk to his boy, but nothing changes.
Please help as im at my wits end.
I know this is rather long but this isn't even half of it.
Can anyone recommend a professional I can speak to please as I just dont know what to do to help my gorgeous boy who deserves so much more. Thankyou so much for reading this far xxx

Subject:
Son unhappy on his weekends with his Dad but still wants to go

Message:
I'd love some advice please.
Ex and I split up 6 years ago. I have 1 son 10.5 yrs old, very sensitive kind, caring and funny
Initially we had 50/50 care- week on / week off.
After a year ex moved 40 miles away and time reduced to every other weekend
Long story short he does the absolute bare minimum, is so tight he squeaks, and never puts our son first.
Ex got married again last werk. Son wouldn't go.
New wife is v odd, failed to go to her own wedding celebration meal last night????
The relationship is very toxic.
Every weekend son is there he video messages me in tears saying he misses me and wants a cuddle. Last night he was beside himself. His Dad just said he was over reacting!!
Son is so desperate for his Dad to step up and is so hurt and disappointed snd just craves the attention and interaction with his Dad.
He says he still wants to go every other week as it wouldnt be fair on his Dad. His Dad is excellent at playing the victim.

So what do i do? Let him still go but continue to be heartbroken every other week (his behaviour dramatically changes on the days leading up to the Friday he goes to his Dads)? Or intervene and have son upset with me for not seeing his Dad.
I've spoken several times to his Dad about it and said how important it is for them to have healthy relationship and to talk to his boy, but nothing changes.
Please help as im at my wits end.
I know this is rather long but this isn't even half of it.
Can anyone recommend a professional I can speak to please as I just dont know what to do to help my gorgeous boy who deserves so much more. Thankyou so much for reading this xx

I think you should support him to build resilience whilst still offering him plenty of opportunities to develop his voice in this matter. Could you provide him with activities/ books etc so he is occupied during visits? (I know you shouldn’t have to do this). And keep him talking. He is trying to do the right thing by persevering in a really mature way to mend his relationship with his dad. He sounds lovely.

Suggest he misses one of these visits to see how he feels not seeing his dad afterwards. Maybe stay at home, but FaceTimes dad a couple of times just to catch up on news. Basically he wants his dad to love him better than he does, and I don't see that ever happening.

Thankyou.
He has a tablet there and goes outside to play football, its more about the overall interaction with his Dad.
He is the most gorgeous sweetheart of a boy. Quite old fashioned in his ways and very mature in his conversational skills. He doesnt deserve this. Xx

Thays a good idea. Ive just spoken to my exes Dad and he's said he could stay there. He is going to try and talk to my ex as he can see what its doing to our little boy. I think you are sadly right that his Dad will change. He only thinks of himself x

[Edited by MNHQ to remove RL names]

You need to get your last post removed as you've used your sons name @MadMrsB

Ooh thankyou. I'm new to this. How do I do that please? Xx

Report to Mumsnet HQ OP. The three little dots at the bottom of the message.

I use to be like this with my DM. She left when I was a teenager. Unfortunately she didn't change but as I got older I grew to get use to it, she still often thinks of only herself now. She left DC birthday party early to go and get her nails done because she was seeing her new boyfriend later on. She stayed half an hour. Now I understand she has her own life. But it was DCs first party with her friends (turned 4).. She'd also left her BF to come to the party, its not like she hadn't seen him for ages or anything. My DSis refuses to speak to ger because of her behaviour. I keep her at arms length. Shes my DM I love her, I just dont love her choices.