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If you had a very difficult younger child...

10 replies

Muddytoes1 · 16/11/2019 20:15

Did it get better and when? Dd is 4 and I just don’t know when it will end. Loads of people with children this age say they are difficult but this feels crazy. I have been hit every single day for the last 2 years, we call it a good day if this happens less than 5 times in a day. She won’t listen, screams when she doesn’t get her way, tantrums multiple times a day, disastrous bedtime routine every single day etc. If she was still 2 I wouldn’t bat an eyelid but it’s starting to feel like it will never end. Nursery say she’s an angel with them, Grandparents say she’s perfect for them. We have worked so hard since she was born we feed her well, keep her warm, loved, stimulated, read to, interesting activities, consistent routine. We are not perfect by any stretch but have given parenting our everything yet feel like total failures. She can be so sweet and lovely like earlier today when the car broke down and we had to wait for ages for the recovery vehicle she was good as gold. It’s just these good moments are surrounded by hours of awfulness. I’m not looking for advice as have done so much of that, asked so many questions and tried so much to improve things. I just want to know, if this was you, did it get better and when? How did you cope? I just want to raise a happy, healthy child.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
meepmoop · 16/11/2019 21:43

I don't have an older child but I have a very difficult toddler so hopefully someone will come along with some hope

Muddytoes1 · 16/11/2019 21:45

@meepmoop maybe the silence says it all Confused

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Cantsleeppast3am · 16/11/2019 21:46

I have a 3 1/2 year old who's a bit like this. Nursery say she's perfect too. No advice I'm afraid hope someone can come along and help us both!!

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Muddytoes1 · 16/11/2019 22:02

Could someone lie to us? Basically looking for “yes, my 4 yo was the devil incarnate but by age 4.5 was a total delight” Grin

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DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 16/11/2019 22:07

I haven't anything helpful to say as DC1 was an angel and DC2 is only 3m old, but is she too tired?
Are there any triggers, can bedtime be moved back and see if a bit more sleep helps?

Has she just started school?
My DD has just, and has gone from 15 preschool to full time, and she's a fucking nightmare for about half an hour after school (hungry) and about half an hour before bed (knackered).

I am trying to be so patient but sometimes it's so fucking annoying. Hope she comes through it soon. Wine

Scoleah · 16/11/2019 22:11

My 10 year old had Terrible Twos, went through the Threenager stage, Frustrating fours, fed up fives, sarcastic Sixes, stubborn sevens. then her brother came along, And it did settle down until he started talking and moving about and the attention wasn't all on her again. The past few weeks have been Hellish. Dreading the teenage years!
Send help

She can be good, and she does help; she's not all bad. Just wished my Kids got on, I was grateful of the 7 year gap & now it's just endless arguments between them!

Hope it gets better for you soon!

Serenschintte · 16/11/2019 22:11

Ds2 started to winge when he was 18 months and it went on until he was about 4.5.
I remember complaining to my mum about Him and she didn’t believe me. Then she came to visit and quickly realized what I was dealing with. He could literally winge complaint and tantrum all day. Yet had been the most delightful baby alive.
In retrospect I think a lot of it was frustration at not being able to do the things he wanted to be able to do.
The winging gradually reduced and by 5 he was and now is a lovely, very independent, interested and inquisitive boy. So it will pass.
I know you don’t want advice but somethings maybe worth checking are food intolerances. And I was strict about bad behaviors and walked away from tantrums when I could. He is once trantrumed
For an entire 4 hour flight, all through the arrivals and while waiting for suitcases. Then he was very happy to be home. And I used to be frightened if I had to wake him from a nap as he would be so angry.
It will pass but it isn’t easy when you are in it!

Cuddling57 · 16/11/2019 22:15

My DS got slowly better when exDH and I separated and the house environment became calmer. Although I don't think that's the answer you are looking for!

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 16/11/2019 22:23

My DT were very challenging babies, toddlers and school-agers, though outside the home they were a model of perfect behaviour. Bizarrely, they turned into wonderful human beings once they went to secondary school, were amazingly happy and cooperative teenagers and fabulous adults. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Muddytoes1 · 16/11/2019 22:48

Thanks for the replies! Good to hear things have improved for some people. Especially Shock to wonderful, cooperative teenagers!

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