Advice - my ex-wife lies to me about our children

[aberdeen83]

My ex-wife and I share custody of our children. I get them 4 days in 2 weeks.

However things are getting really strained. She will tell me that she is looking after them, when she is actually on holiday and her parents are looking after the children. She will tell me they are off for a day, when it was actually two days. She will pick a time to pick up the girls from me which suits her and not discuss with me in advance.

The situation is just untenable and I want to stop my ex-wife taking advantage
What action do you recommend?

as a father you have the right to know where your children are and who is looking after them, what if there was an emergency and you tried to contact them but was unable to?

I agree with this. If his ex goes on holiday and her parents are looking after the children, their father should be aware of this and know whom to contact re. pickup arrangements. It's not OK to go away for days and for the non-RP to have no idea where their children are.

The rest sounds a bit petty.

As I said, he doesn't actually legally have a right to know where the children are during his ex's time. He just doesn't, with the potential exception of when they are abroad with the ex if it's written into a court order. It would be helpful and considerate for the ex to ensure OP knew where he should be collecting from and who to contact in emergencies if she's not there but he doesn't have a right to that information.

Anyone else wondering if op was a woman complaining about dad opinions would differ

OP, has this caused you to miss pre-arranged contact with your children because you didn’t know where they were? Do you have a contact schedule, or is it 4 flexible days?

- It is an issue regarding the grandparents looking after my children, if I am picking up my children and need to contact the person who is looking after the children.

I'm confused. Are you saying for example that you have the kids say every Wednesday after school and go round to their mums to pick them up but that they're not there, they're at their grandparents? Are the grandparents a long way away?

If the grandparents are looking after the kids on your ex's time then that's fuck all to do with you, unless you think the kids are being neglected.

Anyone else wondering if op was a woman complaining about dad opinions would differ

It’s really hard to tell from what the OP has written so I’d be asking the same questions.

If there’s an agreed context schedule - he picks up the DC from the mother’s house every other Friday night at 5pm and drops them back on Sunday at 5pm - and the DC aren’t where they’re supposed to be and no contact can be made with the mother ... yes, big problem.

If contact is more of a ‘usually I have them for EOW but I missed last week and then we rearranged to this weekend but when I called to arrange when I should pick them up ...’ that’s a bit more debatable who’s fault a) the communication is and b) who’s the less committed parent.

Doyoumind - "It would be helpful and considerate for the ex to ensure OP knew where he should be collecting from and who to contact in emergencies if she's not there but he doesn't have a right to that information" This information is essential, otherwise how do you know where to go to pick up the children!

My ex is constantly hiding important information regarding my children such as when they are ill and went to Drs apps or were off school. The well being on my children and their health is my business.

I should also note that my ex has a brother who has a history of seizures which has not been reported to a Dr or the DVLA. My ex willing let's my children get into a vehicle with her brother, which I object to strongly for their safety.

Four days a fortnight isn't sharing.

Are people not listening to the op? His ex is telling him she had their children when she doesn’t! Thus op doesn’t even know who to collect his own children from! How is that acceptable? If this was a woman posting the responses would be VERY different.

I'm not sure it's that clear - OP certainly has a very valid point about knowing who to pick his kids up from, but he's also implying that he has a right to know who is looking after them when it's not his agreed time. Which he doesn't.