Newborn in neonatal - any advice re: how to cope with anxiety?

[ClaraTA]

My little one was admitted into neonatal shortly after he was born. He was very unwell and has since made great progress but we've had a few ups and downs in the last 24 hours. I'm struggling with my anxiety, I know he is receiving amazing care but it's so difficult not to over-analyze everything and go into "disaster mode". If you have any experience of coping with this I'd love to hear about what helped. Thanks ❤

ClaraTA my LO was 6 weeks early and had jaundice when born and spent the 1st week of his life in NICU. At the time it was scary and we felt like we were in limbo living day to day, but with hindsight it was the beat place for him and after a week he was home with us. It was scary and I broke down many times I think that first week, but looking back it was only a week in the grand scheme of things, and he is now a very strong 9 month old. Stay strong and I'm sure your little one will be fine. Wishing you on the best.

Thank you so much, that's really reassuring. I'm so glad to hear all is well! You're right, it's not much time in the grand scheme of things and he absolutely is in the best place ❤

Would it help to start prepping your home for him? That really helped my sil. I would also be prepared for reflux (happens a lot with premies when out of the hospital) and so would get a crib / bassinet / cot with a reflux incline and start researching the best bottles etc to help with thisz

Hello, my little boy was 6 weeks early and spent 5 weeks in neonatal, he was ventilated and oscillated and was very poorly for the first week, it was touch and go. We just lived day to day and focused on looking after him and being there and bonding. It’s so hard it really is, I remember my little baby had 6 different canulas put in in two days and his hands and feet were a mess. But it’s all for the best and honestly it will get better. My lad is nearly 8 months and you wouldn’t even know he’d been so poorly. The care he received was spectacular and I dread to think what would have happened if it hadn’t been available. Don’t be afraid to ask questions!! The medical staff sometimes forget that it’s all new to us so if you don’t understand then ask and also don’t be afraid to give your thoughts on your baby’s care.

Op, may I ask if it not too personal what is wrong with your LO? It may help us to put you at ease.
My son was 12 weeks early, it was touch and go for about 9 weeks. All you can do is take each day at a time and cry when you need to.

2/3 of my children were in neonatal ICU straight away after birth. It is such vulnerable and anxiety provoking time anyway. I'd second preparing things/planning for going home. Focusing on thoughts like what outfit he should wear going home, how you'll relax when going home, where will he sleep etc. A lot of it was living in the moment and just trying to rest as much as possible, eat and care for them in the ICU. Nappy changes, feeding and cuddles took up surprisingly large chunk of time. Could you find a book you're interested in the empty moments. Or chat on Mumsnet or do something to take your mind away from worrying. I'm sure he'll be fine. I remember being terrified and so anxious and now I can barely remember those times. Both are really healthy kids now. The youngest has got a chronic condition that he's had from birth (the reason he was in ICU) but he manages so well we barely have to think about it.

Sending encouraging thoughts and hugs.

My dd was admitted to neonatal at 2 days old as a previously undiagnosed heart condition was found. I feel so sad for you I look back at that time as the hardest of my life and we had a 3 year old at home who was hugely affected.
My only advice is take each day as it comes. Dont get your Hope's up they will be coming home that day as it's harder when your given bad news. Accept that anxiety is normal your body is surging with hormones to hold your baby and they are not there. It will get better.
If possible try sleep in the night you'll need your energy for the day and I myself cope better when I have slept.

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice, and for sharing your experiences. I will definitely take on board all of your advice, I've certainly been crying a lot already! This is truly the hardest thing I've ever dealt with, and I feel much better for reading your posts ❤ My little one is full term and has had a number of very serious issues, he is doing very well now however the latest problem is a possible chest infection and this just felt like a really big set back yesterday. He's been really settled today and had his first bath, and we are working towards home. I'm so happy about this but also angry that he's had this ordeal so early on. He'll also need lots of follow up and we just don't know if he'll be affected in the long term. I'm so proud of him already and we'll cope with whatever happens in future, I just want him to remain ok and get him home asap. Big hugs to you all, thank you.

You never forget the first bath! I'm wishing you and your LO all the luck in the world.

Someone said to me, when I was leaving my 34 weeker in the NICU to go home myself and crying my heart out, that there is actually no safer place to leave a baby. There are no babysitters better trained. No one you could trust more to keep your little one safe. They helped me. That, and getting involved in as much of his day to day care as I could.
Congratulations on your baby!

My sister had my nephew 10 weeks early. She was hurling in between fear, sadness, guilt and anger about the prep weeks she had missed. These are perfectly normal emotions and really understandable. This event wasn’t planned. Neither was yours. My nephew (2) is thriving due to a fantastic team of knowledgeable staff. I wonder if there is a counsellor you could offload to in private. You might only need the one session. Sending you hugs and understanding. 💐

There's also a strange calmness to the neonatal unit, it's like nothing else in the whole entire world matters apart from being there with your baby. It's like being cacooned in cotton wool and shielded from the rest of the world. As much as it's incredibly painful and heartbreaking you will look back on the days you spent together fondly, as a time where nothing else mattered at all.

I am so sorry! It looks like my last message never posted. Thank you so much for your kind words, they really did help. My little boy has now been home for 5 weeks and is doing so well. Wishing you a very happy new year ❤