Are all 3 year olds this bad?

[Wrigleys123]

As per the title my 3.5 year old is just so unmanageable at the mo. She doesn't do anything I ask, is constantly rude, constantly tired, doesn't respond to any discipline and will just scream in my face for hours. I don't know what to do next really, feel like I'm failing every single day. Help!

Everyone on here will sympathise ; we've all been there , but I would strongly suggest that you change your mental viewpoint ( with kindness ). A three year old isn't bad or rude they are just learning how to socialise. It is really difficult not to judge a child by an adults standards in the heat of the moment but she is really not much more than a baby. Children learn mainly by example and not by being told things so try really hard to model behaviour and try to avoid getting upset or cross about almost anything. Take yourself out of the situation if you are feeling wound up and use distraction over and over again.

Thanks Yikes she is very articulate and advanced for her age, sometimes I think this is a problem as I forget how young she is. Just at the end of my rope. I know I need to change my viewpoint too most definitely but just wish she would sleep more, it really is the route of everything as once she has had a good sleep she is like a different child, well a lot better child anyway

They are consistently hard. Yes.

My experience is a bit dated but I have every sympathy as managing this is so difficult.

• Acknowledge to yourself that she is a baby, this isn't deliberate, she cannot manage her own emotions.
• Pick your battles - if it won't matter tomorrow, it really doesn't matter, let her do it her own way
• Give her options - this dress or that one; now or in 5 minutes;
• Give yourself time out. If she is paddying, make sure she is safe and then go somewhere she can't see you.
• Try not to worry, it is a phase and it will pass - but don't engage with arguments - you won't win and it will extend.

Thanks hecat I do practise most of that behaviour already but it doesn't make much difference, maybe I need to give it time. Definitely need to stop getting into arguments with her as you are right I will never win!

Just bumping this incase anyone going through anything similar!

What’s her issue with sleeping?

Yes! I find my 3 year old exhausting. She's the same, when she's slept well she can be lovely but she doesn't usually nap and she's often knackered. It is such hard work when she's in that sort of mood. I get so frustrated. I don't know what to suggest..m

I'm very much in the same boat as you at the moment but sadly have no advice. My DS has just increased how often he goes to preschool and has become really horrible to be around since as he's obviously tiring himself out more. It's hard to keep your cool and not get into arguments, especially when he does something to be purposefully naughty.

My DD is 3.5 years old and sleeps well but every meal takes all my energy and willpower. She eats everything but has to be practically begged to eat and any signs of being told off or frustration from me leads her to run away and it becomes a million times worse. Sorry OP they are all difficult at this age. You have my sympathies.

I am currently in my bedroom away from her to stop myself from shouting at her. I'm at the end of my tether. So I can only suggest that, just leave her somewhere safe and quiet and remove yourself from the situation. Also they are just a tad bigger than a baby and learning how to behave. Testing boundaries and all that.

Count to 10 and breathe.....it's just a phase it's just a phase....

My 3 year old is super hard work at times. I think he got a memo a few weeks before his birthday with tips.

One thing that has worked is hanging a large clock in the living room (no, it’s not pretty and its ticking is obnoxiously loud) and explains the big hand, small hand etc. That way I can tell him when the big hand is on eg 5, you need to come to the table to have dinner, or we need to go etc. He makes a huuuge fuss if you just grab him.

Otherwise coffee and chocolate.

I’ve got one of those, bang on 3.5 and it happened with my first too. We’ve pulled out the big guns and got a behaviour chart, rewarding with treats at the end of the week. We’ll see.

They do grow out of it. Well, first one did. Sort of.

3.5 is the peak of disequilibrium. They do come out the other side after about 6 months.

See here:

centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/child-development/developmental-stages-the-roller-coaster-of-equilibrium-and-disequilibrium/

No my 3 year old is a Delight. My 9 year old on the other hand... he’d give your 3 year old a run for his money 😭

@NeedanExpert thanks for the link we are definitively in a period of disequilibrium right now.

I hope to god it doesn't last another 6 months I don't think I could cope!

So glad to read it's not just me though!

You are not alone! My 3.5 year old makes me want to run away on an almost daily basis.

When it's time for play she is sullen and won't engage with anything. When it's time to get dressed/eat/bath/sleep she's a ball of energy and only wants to play.
She is defiant and argumentative, also still has raging tantrums.

We have windows of lovely time, so I hang on tight to them and try to tell myself it's just a phase. A really exhausting one!

Ds2 is 3y3m, he throws some massive tantrums. He wakes during the night every couple of nights and will screech and kick and hit me, presumably because he's angry at having woken up. It's so stressful because I don't want him to wake DS1.
He can be a total delight, cuddly and affectionate and very, very funny. But he really pushes me to the limit when he gets angry. I have often wondered if other 3 year olds are as bad as him, DS1 was so placid at that age.
He has improved recently - I hope there isn't going to be a fallback.

Yes 3 as an age has been very tough! DS is 4 in just over a month and he's definitely much, much better than he was this time last year, and how he was earlier in the year as well. He can still be a typical threenager though! He doesn't tantrum all that much any more, it's the stroppy behaviour I struggle with now. Grumpy, like a teenager!

You're not alone.

Glad it's not just me! Solidarity for all!