How do I get toddler to stay in his room!!!

[Thewalker75]

DS1 is 3 in January, always been a great sleeper but since we moved him from a cot to a toddler bed at the beginning of summer he has been a nightmare for staying in his room at bedtime.

At first we put it down to the heat, he just wanted to play quietly on the landing where it was a bit cooler so we let it go. But now it's colder he's still behaving the same.

We keep the same routine - take him upstairs, teeth, story, lie in bed with him for a few minutes stroking his hair and chatting before a kiss and a cuddle then say goodnight.

Almost straight away he gets up, grabs a couple of toys and is straight on the landing playing or chattering to himself.

He has always needed between 1-1 and a half hours from going to bed to actually falling asleep. He has never been the type to just crash out so whatever time we put him to bed, it's always that amount of time later that he will fall asleep.

We have tried:

Ignoring it (the noise just gets worse and we don't want him to wake ds2)
Gro-clock
Telling him to go back to bed from downstairs
Physically going up and walking him back to bed without saying anything
Putting toys in his room so he has something to play with
Threatening taking toys away
Taking toys away
Earlier bed time
Later bed time

All to no effect. He will simply come up with a way to get our attention even going to the extent of forcing himself to do a poo.

Does anyone have any ideas as to what we can do to fix this? DS2 will be moving to a toddler bed soon and the thought of both of them running around upstairs doesn't fill be with much joy.

I don't really want to put a gate on his door as I suspect, having been used to the freedom to run around, this will really make him kick off!

He doesn't do this at naptime by the way, he crashes out straight away then, this is just at bedtimes.

Maybe he isn’t quite tired enough at bedtime - if he doesn’t do it at naptime maybe try dropping the nap? DD 2.5 will take a good hour to fall asleep if she’s had a nap (she is still in a cot though), but if she doesn’t nap she will fall asleep within 10 mins at bedtime.

I would also make his room as boring as possible (minimal toys etc) and put a gate on it, essentially so it is like a big cot.

Trouble is he often is tired at bedtime, eyes will be rolling when we are getting him changed. It's just he seems to need that wind down time by himself even as a baby he babbled away for ages before drifting off.

We have only just introduced toys in his room, before it was really dull which we thought was why he kept leaving the room.

There are days when he doesn't nap but his behaviour will be exactly the same.

Any one else had to deal with this or have I broken my son for good?!

Stair gate. Of course he isn't going to like it.but make it so he can play in his room till he wants to go to sleep

Santa won't know its your bedroom if you aren't asleep in your bed will he??
Get creative op!!

Limit the toys in his room
Lock on his wardrobe and fix to the wall.
Stair gate on his door.
Tell him he's a big boy who goes to sleep in his own room now.

Drop the nap.

We put a stair gate on my just turned 3 year olds door to stop him “helpfully” going to see his baby sister and giving her blankets!

He plays in his room for about an hour before falling asleep but we leave him to it.

Does he have a favourite comforter at all like a teddy blanket etc? I found my DS finally clicked in his own room the minute we took him to pick his own build a bear removed the stair gate from his bedroom door we have a stair gate at the top of the stairs so that he can't come down or injure himself.
He has a nightlight that goes on every night for him we also leave the door wide open with the lamp on downstairs so it's never really dark but dark enough for him to sleep.
Either my DH or myself will sit in with DS until he falls asleep we don't talk to him we just sit there quietly so he knows it's time to sleep not play time etc
We have also found that he sleeps much better now his day time nap has been dropped usually going to bed at 7.30pm or 8pm
He also doesn't have any toys in his room to play with so we've never had that issue to contend with

My rule with mine was they could have any toys they wanted in bed but they had to stay in the bed. I was never bothered about when they fell asleep and I never stayed with them until they did. They always fell asleep eventually.

Cut out his nap. It will be hard work in the afternoon but reckon it's worth it.

Agree with dropping the nap. I know you said it’s the same whether he’s had a nap or not, but it takes time for things to change. As a one off it won’t make any difference, but if he consistently has no nap it’s likely to help.
DD2 got up at 5am every morning for months and people advised me to drop her nap. I tried it and she still woke at 5am so I thought that wasn’t the issue. However after no nap for a week she started waking at 7am and has done ever since (that was 2.5 years ago!)

Another one to say drop the nap. And exercise him every day. It will be hard getting through the afternoon for a while but he should fall asleep quicker.

Ok he had no nap today (grandma looking after him) so i put him to bed as usual and I explained that he needs to stay in his room otherwise we remove all the toys and put a gate on. He even said 'promise' which hes ever said before.needless to say he was straight on the landing so I took all his main toys, stroked his head until his eyes were really rolling.

Hes been asleep for half an hour.

This may be a one off so have just agreed with dp we will drop his naps this weekend, keep the toys out of his room at bedtime and see how we go.

Gate is really a last resort so I'm hoping it's down to the naps - although will miss our 'family naps' as he and ds usually go down at the same time after lunch so we get a sneaky one in ourselves

Christ, I've got one like this - complete nightmare until he finally learnt to read so now he just cracks on with that. FOMO... Fear of Missing Out is his problem.

Drop the nap and go back to returning him to his room if he comes out, say nothing even if he does a poo. We have music on in our little one's room.

I had one of those OP, I thought I was losing my mind after a while! He is just over 3 now and stays in bed, finally. We dropped the nap, move bedtime a bit earlier so we catch that golden hour just before the eye rubbing, strict bath, teeth, book routine. First time out his room, engage and say no lovey it's bedtime. Second time (and other 100 times in the beginning) no engagement just straight back into bed. Saying that, he probably got over that phase all by himself! Best of luck OP!

Thanks all. Maybe we can crack it in the next few days.

He has a night light and music still so plenty of comfort but there is definitely a fomo element! He likes hearing me and dp chatting and moving around and where his room is doesn't easily allow for that. We leave his door open a bit so he can hear something at least.

7 days of no naps and hes out like a light by 7pm! No more running around or playing with toys hurray!

But hes still waking at half 5 saying hes finished in bed now. Hopefully this will get longer as he gets used to it but just wanted to update in case anyone else had the same problem.

Put a few book on his floor when you go to bed. Tell him he can read when he wakes up too early but you haven't finished sleeping then.

Great news! Fingers crossed he starts sleeping longer in the mornings too. Both of mine had a 5.30am stage at around that age and now they’re solid 7-7 sleepers at 6 and 4.

I'm having this bedtime battle. 2.5 DS used to be great in the cot, would self soothe to sleep. Now I have to sit with him an hour until he drops off.

Some nights it's a real battle. Which is really don't want, he is in and out the bed 10 times.

I've tried dropping naps for a couple of weeks but he was so tired in the afternoon it didn't seem fair so I do t think he was ready for that.