Help!! 4 year old doesn’t like school

[Samart]

Hello Everybody,

I am Samar and I am in desperate need of some advice. My son who is 4 year old has started school (reception) after half term (end of October). He is just not liking the school. Teachers told me everyday that he is absolutely fine when he is in the school but he is miserable and out of sudden very stubborn at home. He is not the same child as he used to be before. He gets anxiety attacks without fail every night, doesn’t want to go to sleep because he is scared of mornings now. When he is finally asleep, he gets nightmares and gets up in the middle of the night and starts crying and throwing tantrums. Every night there is a new tantrum and I can’t settle him down.
He cries without fail every morning, doesn’t want to brush his teeth or even pee in the morning. He begs that he doesn’t want to go to school. I have to put him in the car forcefully and he gets change in the car because it’s impossible to make him change into his uniform at home. He is also not eating well.
I am also 35 week pregnant and haven’t slept a full night in three weeks now because my son gets up every night and starts crying.
Please advice me what should I do. I am extremely tired and exhausted now and also it is very heart breaking to see him like this every day.
Thanks

How awful
What are his school doing to help? It isn't uncommon for children to feel anxious about school and their behaviour to change at home, but school should have strategies to help him cope.

Could you get him to attend part time for a short period whilst he adjusts?

Thank you for the reply. I have tried speaking to the school almost everyday and all they say that he is happy when he is at school. I asked them once that if I can be in the school to show my son that mummy is also there but they refused. I just donot know how to make them understand that he is extremely miserable at home. I donot want to be one of those parents who makes issues for small things but I am very tired now and I know my son, if I hang out there for couple of weeks he will settle in but they think that this all will make things even worse.
I have a new baby coming soon and I want to have some full night sleeps before he arrives. I am also very desperate for my son to like his school. I want to see him happy. I am trying every possible trick at home to like his school but nothing is working. I feel like crying. 😢😢😢

Out of interest, did your son go to nursery/pre-school prior to school? Just wondering if he’s been used to leaving you & having structured days with lots of other children or whether this is brand new to him?

Is there a reason he started in October and not September with all the other children?

If he’s not done nursery/pre-school - this will just all be a huge adjustment for him. He’s not been there long & appears to have started reception late. I think it’ll be worth asking for a proper meeting with school and explaining his behaviour fully and your concerns. They’ll hopefully put a bit more in place to help him feel happy & look forward to school. Small things like a support worker or even the teacher looking out for him a bit more, encouraging friendships and speaking to your son to ask if how his day is going/has been so they can address concerns. School should work with parents to settle children but having been a teacher, parents staying often makes things worse unfortunately as eventually, you have to leave!

He may also be feeling like you’ve sent him to school because of new baby’s imminent arrival & feel rejected.

After school, maybe turn up with a nice treat he likes, a favourite biscuit or something and say well done for having a fun day at school! Talk to him about his day, what was his favourite bit, favourite person to play with etc. When he starts acting up, ask him what upsets him so much and try to figure out his concerns. You could introduce a reward chart at home for getting through the evening without tears - a sticker for eating dinner nicely, having bath, brushing teeth etc and I’ve gets all the stickers at the end of the week, a special treat!

I’m sure he’ll adjust soon, it’s all very new to him. Not easy though, I hope things get better really soon!

Thank you for your reply. Yes he went to the preschool and he was ok there. He started preschool crying but not like this crying and settled in completely fine.
He started on October because my husband has to moved to qatar for a project in summer so I moved in with him and came back to England on the 12th of October.
I am trying every possible thing at home. I give him treats, lots of his favorite gifts, his favorite food, also tried reward chart but nothing is working 😥😥. Nights are getting extremely difficult bcoz he just doesn’t want to sleep, even when he is sleeping he is so restless that I can’t sleep and guaranteed he get up every night crying that I don’t want to sleep. He has also developed morning phobia. As soon as he sees sunlight coming into the house, he starts crying.
I have also spoken to the school yesterday morning. They said they will keep an eye on him and try to organize someone to sit with him and told me to send him to school no matter what.
I am very worried for my son. He is not like this stubborn child which he has become these days.

I would consider home educating him. Why put him through this?

But I am biased. I would recommend most people home educate :)

If he is summer born (Apr-Aug), you can pull him out and apply asap for reception at 5. I'm from mainland Europe and honestly horrified by how much how young this country requires from kids.

He is only 4. Many countries don't start to 6/7 which I think is much better. Any chance you can home Ed for the rest of the year and start him again in year 1?

I agree with @TheAgeofAnxiety. If he's young in his year you can meet with the headteacher to organise him starting again when he's 5.
I'm doing this for my DS.

I'd take him out. Honestly, looking back I don't know why I put my own ds through that when he was 4. It's too young for your ds; he's not ready yet.

Sound so sad. Your poor son, something must be happening at school. I wouldn’t be happy with the school dismissing it like that. Has he friends? Is he talking about other children? Could you invite them to playdates?

I would also consider taking him out. 4 is very young and it sounds like he needs a break/change. This situation sounds not sustainable.

I agree 4 is too young for school. He is also dealing with father's absence and your pregnancy even if he doesn't really understand about new sibling, he senses your concerns and knows a big change is coming!