Hi all,
I have been separated from my sons Dad since he was 6 months old. He lives with me, his Dad lives 1.5 hours away. He has him overnight on a Sat every other weekend and then sees him Sunday day time on the weekends he doesn't have him overnight.
Throughout our 6 year relationship he has had an awful relationship with his parents, the stories I have heard are quite horrifying, the Dad is an alcoholic and it was not a pretty childhood. They have not had a relationship with my son since his birth, they have met him three times briefly. Last Christmas I got a call from his Mum crying explaining to me that the Dad has been beating her up, she said she has photographic proof and its been going on for almost 30 years. I have texts from her about this too. She told me not to tell anyone as she was scared. I obviously told my ex and he confronted both of them. The Dad completely denies it and the pair of them continue to live together and pretend it never happened. I told my ex's grandmother (Mum of his Mum) and she acted like it was old news and was abit 'oh yeah, Ive seen the bruises, hes been like that for years but she just puts up with it'. I was horrified!! From that point on I have never spoken to either of them and don't want my son anywhere near them for obvious reasons. My ex was in agreement about this (he trusts his Dad apparently, says his mum is lying) however in the past few months he now wants his parents to see our son again which I've obviously refused.
It's now got to the point where my ex is saying he will do what he wants when he has our son in his care and is planning on bringing him to his parents house over Christmas.
I do not want my son around either of them. The way I see it is either his Dad has been beating his Mum up or his Mum is so twisted that she makes up these lies and everyone just brushes it under the carpet. Neither toxic situation I want my son around.
Another issue is their house. It is absolutely disgusting. They have 3 great danes (HUGE) dogs who are not trained and wee and poo in the house every day. They have a mop and bucket in the room which they wipe the wee up with daily and the water is BLACK it is rarely changed. I can;t even cope with the thought of it. Both of them smoke heavily and smoke in the house, never outside. The place is disgustingly dirty, I can't even explain it to you, its a death trap. Overflowing ashtrays everywhere. Its the kind of dirty where there is just flattened empty cigarette packets on the floors because they barely use their bins. I took videos of it before to have to send on to my family to show them what I mean which I still have. I would always come home ill after spending the weekend there over the years. The thought of my son in that house I just cannot handle. I know they wouldn't smoke in the house when my son is right there, but the years and years of smoke in the house, when you walk in it hits you like a brick wall. It's more the dirt I can't cope with, my sons walks of course but he is always on the floor, rolling around causing havoc and it is just unsafe.
They are the type of family who stay up till 4am drinking having huge debates that end up huge arguments which is heightened at christmas time with all the booze. I DO NOT want my son around this, especially when I am not there. There have been times when I've been in bed at their house and got woken up at 3am to them fighting downstairs over a drunken disagreement.
What do I do?! He keeps saying whatever he does with my son whilst he has him is up to him but surely there is something that can be done here? He is not even 2 years old, he is tiny. How do i protect him?
Does anyone have any advice?
Thanks for reading.