3 week old any advice?

[Koli]

i’m looking for some advice on the “routine” (ok I use that phrase loosely) for my 3 week old. Am I doing things right?

He seems to sleep in 3hr blocks during the day and 2hrs at night. Whenever he is awake he just wants to be held or fed. I can’t really put him down to do anything. It’s kind of tough because i’m on my own.

People keep telling me I should let him cry instead of picking him up. Sometimes he does cry for a bit (I have to pee and shower!), but I think he’s too young to be left to cry.

Is it ok to let him lie on me/have a cuddle whenever he is awake? I’m conscious of not letting him fall asleep on me especially through the night. I’ll try put him down when he’s sleepy but awake. This usually results in him having to be picked up, nursed and cuddled after 10 minutes. Repeat 3 times until he goes down!

The feeding can be tough too because it’s on/off for 10 minutes at a time for the 2hrs he’s awake at a time. Is this pretty normal?

Also getting out the house is tough and I have an appointment this week which involves a 30 min drive. Should I wake my baby to ensure he’s fed before we go out? It’s stressful when we’re out and he wakes and starts getting distressed/wanting fed even though he may have only been fed an hour before.

Cuddle him as much as you want. Trust your instincts. Look up the fourth trimester online OP. Ignore people telling you to let him cry if that's not what feels right to you. They're only this tiny for a very short time and all they want is you, let him have it. They change very quickly, you'll find things are very different even by next week. Feeding and sleeping stuff sounds normal to me. I'd try to time outings so you're leaving the house immediately after a feed if you can. Enjoy your baby. Don't worry about routine.

Sounds pretty normal to me, don’t leave him to cry, crying is his only way of communicating his needs with you. Keep doing what you are doing and it will get easier.

Google the fourth trimester. Yes it’s normal.
At that stage I would say maybe wake up a bit more frequently in the day time to feed- so every 2 hours and gently persuade longer night time sleep.
Keeping everything dark between 7 pm to 6/7 am helps.
Have a gentle (ie not rigid night routine). Some time after the last feed at 6ish, take him for a nice massage, warm bath, and then read the same book every night while feeding and then lights out till the morning. Or at least dim lights. I used to express for the feed after and then go straight to sleep and that worked okay.
My MIL said ‘get yourself into a routine rather than the baby’ and that is golden advice with child no 1. (With no 2 I had the school run and his usual routine so child no 2 had no choice about some semblance of a routine). So her overall suggestion was: wake up around 6/7ish for the day. Feed the baby, let them play a bit and you get dressed. Go down and eat/make breakfast. Feed again, let them nap and I would usually get 20 mins at this point to do laundry, whizz around with tidying up, and make a cup of tea.
Then in the mornings keep the changing bag ready and when awake and fed go for a walk (and when older to an activity or playgroup). Come back, feed, let them nap, wolf down lunch. If possible do another similar work at roughly the same time every day in the late afternoon. I used to leave him sleeping while I made a quick dinner, did a little housework (again in a 20 min chunk), then wake up and feed again.
It’s a bit relentless but I felt that having a routine for MYSELF made me feel, psychologically, more in control.
And don’t worry if he needs feeding when out and about. No one else will notice, I promise. Just find some place to sit down (or even in the car) and feed. Honestly, a fussy baby is much more noticeable for the parent than anyone else.

I remember taking Thing 1 around M&S and I had to stop and feed, and he was fussy, pick him up, change him, it was just a palaver. Get to the check out and this lady behind me says: ‘oh I have been watching you guys. He’s such a good boy isn’t he? And you are doing so well?’ And I thought HUH?! Am I? And is he??! That’s not how I would have described the last hour!

Google 4th trimester. You are doing great. Do you have a wrap?

Sleepy but awake is absolute bullshit.

Plus wanting to feed frequently is very very normal, especially if BF

Agree with PP that a sling/ carrier/ wrap may help you

PS, i managed to use loo while holding sleeping DS many times!

Showering, obviously not but everything else, yup!

Tips.

Do you have a bouncy chair to put him in while you shower or wee? If your popping out the room for 5 mins leave him in the bouncy chair in front of the news, he will think the presenter is talking to him.

Also put them down on a play gym, or even if needed on the floor. Never a Moses basket as they hate them.

Get a sling.

If breast feeding try offering more milk during the day.

Try to get him in sun light during the day, even just in front of a window and keep things darker for night feeds.

Try to get out and meet other Mums when your ready but don’t worry about it yet.

Take selfie's with your baby, when they are older they will want to see photos of you together.

Thanks for the advice. I’ve been reading about the fourth trimester and it’s reassuring to know this is all normal.

I get lots of advice telling me to let him cry and stop feeding on demand, but I keep saying I am doing what the professionals advise and it feels right.

I have a bouncy chair just need to build it! Also have a sling but it doesn’t support his head well enough, especially as he likes to through it around. I’m going to look at getting a baby carrier.

It sounds like you are doing great OP. Just do what feels right to you. People always talk about making rods for your back and getting into bad habits but you really can't 'spoil' a newborn with cuddles. In terms of the sling, if you are wrapping it correctly there should be the option to use the sections coming up over your shoulders to support the babies head. Maybe have a look at some YouTube videos to give you some tips. It's definitely an art that takes practice.