How I had hoped parenthood to be...

[K456789]

Before I had DS (10 months), I had wanted: no dummy, bf until 12 months, BLW, no co-sleeping, DH not to be in spare room... not that I thought any of this was bad or wrong, just not how I pictured it.
Now I'm here, ds with dummy, in my bed after having a bottle and dinner of jar of baby food (bf until 6 months so proud of that). We will co-sleep with DH in spare room. I feel a bit of a failure. DS is such a happy baby so I know I'm doing some right. Oh and we have no nap routine.

Haha, you are doing what you have to do to survive op! There is no rule book with babies, whatever decisions you make along the way are the right ones for you. You will look back at these days in the future and be proud of how well you coped, because its not easy!

Sounds like my experience too!

It's definitely not easy and I'm absolutely loving being a mum just really thought I'd have it together a bit more. Damn those glossy magazines and celebs.

Don’t feel a failure.
No one child is the same as another and being a parent is BLOODY HARD WORK! You don’t fully appreciate this til you become a mum (I certainly didn’t). It’s easy to sit there with expectations pre-baby - I certainly did (how I chuckle looking back).
You do what works for you and your child. Don’t put yourself down and don’t fall into the trap of looking at other parents and thinking that you’re doing it wrong just because they’re doing it differently.
We all have good days and not-so-good days.
You said that your child is a happy baby - that tells you all you need to know.

Raising non existent children hypothetically is so much easier than the real thing!

I feel better already 😊 I think I just had a little wobble with the co-sleeping part as I worried I should be more firm. But I do love DS snug asleep next to me and DH snoring further away from me in the spare room.

I wanted the BF, no dummy, carrier, blw.
I did those.
I thought I would absolutely love bed time, reading with them, I would never raise my voice for a second...
Well well...

Pahaha I could definitely have been the OP here!

Do what you need to do. Your baby clearly loves you.

So dont give into others ideals. I love mine and said the exact same thing. Such a happy baby like yours so that matters the most!!

He’s happy n healthy that’s all that matters.

At the end of the day as long as what you’re doing is safe and works for you it doesn’t matter. I’d planned to bf, cloth nappy, and have a drug free labour.. I didn’t even make the labour combi fed until his allergy diagnosis but he preferred formula unless he was sleepy and cosleeping then he’d steal boob and his eczema flung the cloth nappy’s out the window (heat flared it up and they’re warmer n more friction than disposables)

Maybe I’ll guess something right on round two.

Thank you for your honesty, OP. Me too. My DS is 6 months. Pouch of baby food and DH in spare room. Still BF but struggling with being "on duty" 24/7. Happy baby is most important!

You are definitely not alone with these feelings Op . Do what feels right x

My nearly 3yo was never going to eat beige freezer food. You know, the type that he has for dinner 3 nights a week when I've had a long day at work?

He also was going to have very restricted tv time. It is almost always on.

The only thing I think I've stuck to is my loathing for tablets/letting him play on my phone.

I was the same about no co-sleeping- my husband put my first born with us and that was it. Don't tell anyone but I miss it (first born is 12 now)

I also thought I'd be one of those put together mums, stylish outfits, effortless groomed. I'm more like Pig Pen from Peanuts. Instead of a cloud of dust surrounding me, I have the usual crap that comes with a baby, hair tied up, no make up. God I sound depressing ha!

I'm pretty sure It's evolution- if we knew how hard kids were before we had there would be like 10 babies born a year! Thinking we can plan what type of parents we'll be (and lots of my kids won't do that or this) is what keeps us from going extinct.

@K456789 I just had to check my posting history to see if I had started this thread in the middle of the night and forgotten. so yes, I hear you.

I hear you! Thought I’d breastfeed until self weaning, BLW, no dummies, lose baby weight within a few months.

Reality - managed 6 weeks of bf, dummy saved my sanity, DD much preferred puréed to BLW so that’s what we did.

And the baby weight? She’s 2.5 now and I’m heavier than ever. Could it be toddler weight?!

“DS is such a happy baby” - hard to call that failure op! I had lots of lovely ideas about parenthood, too bad my two aren’t on the same page. Do what you need to and don’t listen to anyone else, everyone’s got a horror story somewhere but some pple are better at pr than others x

The dummy is a magical thing, whoever invented it should be given the Nobel Peace Prize in my opinion..probably posthumously!

Sounds like me.
I absolutely detest co-sleeping! I have an 8 month old and he sleeps much better and stirs less in with me. Sometimes I’ll do it because he’s poorly and just hasn’t settled after two hours or so. DH on the other hand plucks him out his cot and into the spare room which is really frustrating as I feel it undermines me.

I wanted to BF until he was a year, but frankly I’m a bit fed up of it and want to be done when I go back to work. I’m now combi feeding but DS much prefers a boob which is frustrating.

Sometimes you just gotta do what fits. I think it’s all well and good having firm plans but all children (and mums) are individuals.

The best laid plans and all that. Welcome to parenthood. I had grand ideas for my DC and the little one I'm pregnant with but all has gone to shit. If your little one is happy and healthy that's all that matters. Others aren't so fortunate x

I think huge numbers of parents have ideals that they don't/can't stuck to. I was massively judgey about dummies, but it became my best friend because it allowed me to leave the house! Planned to do BLW but was far too nervous about choking. Then planned to batch cook all his purées but when do you find them time? And Ella's Kitchen is so convenient...

Oh yes batch cooking was something else I had set out to do... and I did. Made lots of meals, put into ice cub trays, bagged them up and guess what, DS hated everything I made. I'm not a bad cook either!

@whatswithtodaytoday I think as I never had a dummy as a baby I thought DS wouldn't. The dummy got us through 8 weeks of colic and became our best friend 😳