Who has four or more children?

[Lonelymum]

I was just wondering as I have four and alot of mumsnetters seem to gasp when they read that and ask how I manage and yet I come across a few other mumsnetters who also have four (or five) children. So I would like to know who is as crazy/besotted as I am and who is more so? Also, who has the most children? You can qualify if some of your children are step-children!

not likely to stone you at all Lou, am v admiring instead. I feel the same way too a lot of the time but have some kind of self-destruct mission which means I can't just make life easy for myself but instead have to push it by having another. My mother goes on and on and on and on about not having a no4 whenever I dare to say it's hard work with three, so I can't whinge at her. And if she's not saying that she's saying 'well, you chose to have three' - argh.

I have a dd (no1) with a question over head as to whether she's somewhere on the edges of the autistic spectrum and that does create issues with balance - if I'm not careful it can end up being all about her and the other two are at the bottom of the heap, so I wonder if having another would just mean more guilt and stress...

Am enjoying this thread, it's nice to discuss it with people who know what they're talking about instead of being lectured by family instead. And v nice to type un-interrupted although I'll be exhausted tomorrow! I never seem to get time to say anything anymore on MN, only read and nod.

lou, I find it hard sometimes and my kids don't have health problems. As they get older it does get harder. And you don't know, when they're little, how things will be and who they will be when they get older.

There still are times when it is great, but also lots of times when it isn't. And when I get stressy with them sometimes one will say "well you shouldn't have had 4 children then!" And what do you say to that...???

I was truly happy having just two children if I am honesr, and had told dh that v thing , when lo and behold, almost the next week I found I was pg with number 3 (yes using protection). Without debating the rights and wrongs of abortion ( I am pro choice) I found it impossible to do that for more than one reason, and ended up almost denying being pg until I was 34 weeks, and went into threatened labour. I was so scared at the thought of losing ds1 it gave me a big kick up the arse, and from then on I was completely in love with him . Same thing with ds2, felt my family was complete, announced it to dh that I didn't want any more, then found out I was pg again ! honestly I think I should sell his sperm on the internet, it gets through all known defences. I remember standing in the kitchen of a friend's house crying, saying I just can't be a mum of four. But I did come round to the idea more quickly than I did with ds1. Had another threatened labour with ds2 @ 30 weeks, which is when they think his cp occurred, but I managed tohang on until 36 weeks , when I couldn't bear the pain any more, and they induced me. I just knew by 7m old that ds2 had cp but was fobbed off until he was 16 months old (another story). In fact I think I posted on here about it on a thread when someone said they had been having a bad day, and I said I had just found out ds had cp.

Rambling now, but I mean to say I do love my children, I wouldn't be without them, but I find it so bloody hard, and I don't have enough time to give them an equal share, and I do feel they suffer in some way or another because of it. The behaviour of dd1 towards me sometimes is dreadful, and I am sure it is partly to do with the extra time we have to spend on Ds2, as well as her teenage hormones kicking in.

Sorry, I seem to have killed the thread with my whinging

While pregnant with no 4 someone in a lift said "excuse me, but are you mador is the new one an accident?". I don't know about you but I would never presume to criticize other people. Unfortunately I was too shocked to think of a good reply. No 4 wasn't planned to be honest but is gorgeous, sweet and very very much loved.

Lou, it does sound like you've had more than your fair share of problems. 2 of mine are SN but nowhere near as bad as yours. We've also had years of hospital appointments, clinics & whatever, not to mention years of family therapy & counselling when I just couldn't cope with DDs behaviour

On the washing front, people have always been surprised that rather than the white load/dark load that everyone else has, we have always had a red load/ blue load/ green load etc. My DD went off to live with her bfs family (also 4 kids) & came home looking a bit dingy. I had to laugh when she said they hadn't had a yellow load for 2 weeks, so her shirt was dirty! It's nice to find others in the same boat. (sinking?)

I thought things were chaotic when they were little, but chaos takes on a whole new meaning when faced with simultaneous GCSE/A level stress; GCSE coursework & part time jobs, & the loss of control that comes with teenagers. It's so much simpler when they are little and you know where they are & who they are with & WHAT THEY ARE DOING . With teenagers, you really just don't want to know

I thought mine would be little forever.

It is hard work having a large family,and I can't imagine how hard it is with children who have special needs.

I feel that I have to present a cheerful and competent face to the world, when asked how on earth I manage. In reality, a lot of the time, I am just lurching from minor crisis to minor crisis - just like every other parent with small children, only with less time between crises.

It really is the sense of frustration that gets me. Knowing that it is almost impossible to predict whether or not you can get the ironing/kitchen floor done, without being interuppted by something else that needs doing urgently. And knowing that the list of things that need doing is never-ending..

That is the down-side. In reality, I do like having everyone. Watching my older children interact with the babies has given me double the pleasure in them all. I am as proud as I can be, when we are out together, despite peoples reactions.

I wouldn't change things for the world, and I am glad that we have all five. I love the baby stage especially, before they start to talk back. On balance I am happy, just frazzled.

At the moment, my mother wants my attention a lot, and THAT is truly hard, with everything else I have to do. Sorry this is long and rambling.

So should I let all of this put me off a tiny ickle third ?

Nope - tiny ickle thirds no problem at all, hmc.

Bloody great galumphing 16-yr-old thirds another matter altogether....

My ickle third, nearly 8 year old, recently told me that she wanted to kill me, and tell everyone that her dad did it, so she would get new parents!

dh & I discussed it today and I think we will have another this may make it the most planned child yet (as in we have actually discussed it, properly!!)

Won't be trying quite this early, as dd2 is only 6mths. But just need to stop bfing dd2, have a couple of periods to make sure everything is working ok (had a attached placenta after giving birth to dd2 - makes me slightly wary!) then start taking the vits.

Oh so straightforward (not!)

Message withdrawn

Nice to see your name again, ggggglimpopo, hope everything's going ok.

Tickle, so we might see you on the ttc thread soon? We're a nice lot, come and join us!

Message withdrawn

Was talking about having 3 or 4 children with some friends today (I've got 3, one friend has 2 and other friend is pregnant with 3rd). Friend who has 2 says she thinks 'big families', ie 3 or more children, seem to be either affluent or poor but not in the middle - what do you think?

The other thing friend pg with 3rd said was that a lot of people have reacted negatively to her announcement, for example, quite a few have asked her if it was an accident!! Bloody cheek!

I must admit that if I got pregnant with no. 4, I think people would be less excited and positive and may just think I'm mad or stupid! Not that it would put me off though - I'll do what I like!

That's good to hear ggg

Thanks Miaou - I might just check it out

I'm absolutly terrified that I might be pg with no4. I can't bear to think about it. I've barely let DH come near me in the last year just in case but now I'm scared stiff we've messed up.

DD2 is just 13mths (DS6 and DD1 is 4.5). I always wanted 3 and went through 3 miscarriages to get them. I can't bear the thought of exposing myself to the risk of another loss either. But 4 would really complicate things. We live in a really amazing place and couldn't bear to move but couldn't fit us all in. We'd be forever broke. And I can't always cope with them now.

I feel like I'm just getting a bit of life back now. I'm still feeding, DD2 still isn't sleeping at night and though when I first had her I said I wouldn't mind another, a year on I just can't imagine coping with more.

I keep feeling sick but my periods still haven't come back yet. I'm just wondering if we've been caught out. I'm too scared to do a test yet as I can't remember when the exact dates would be so would worry if it was neg that it was just too early. And I just don't want to know if its positive.

I probably shouldn't speak like this on a thread that is about celebrating larger families - maybeI'm just looking for a bit of reassurance

I completely understand how you feel Katherine. I felt pretty much the same, except I ended up testing 5 days early because it was preying on my mind so much. I cried buckets about number 3 and 4. I think you should test as soon as you can though, because then you have that little bit longer to decide what you want to do, should it be positive. Good luck.