50/50 parenting

[allaboutthequestions]

Hi all NC because I'm going to go into some detail. I just wanted to know how rare or common this is.

Me and ex split after 10 years together (never married) 3 kids ages 3 to 9. It was me who ended the relationship (mum). So of course neither of us wanted to not see the kids as often as possible. I had to stay in the family home for a few months due to finances so we booked into mediation to make those important decisions and really the fairest way to do it was to go 50/50. With alternating who gets Christmas and half terms etc. When I left the family home of course I knew I'd have to stay close for it to work and it does work, pretty well for us. And as hard as it was for me at the beginning because I had been main carer to them all for their whole lives I knew we'd made the right decision for them because why should they suffer just because I couldn't be with their dad anymore, they'd lived with us both to then go to only seeing dad eow for example. Didn't seem right. I miss them like crazy, I'm sad when they are with their dad but he is such a great dad and I'm so glad I get help with raising them because it is so so hard as all you other parents out there know.

I've had mixed responses when people have found out from people praising the set up to people saying to me that I am their mother and shouldn't be without them for as long as I am, which I do get as it doesn't feel natural to only see them half of the year but the kids are settled into the routine we use and are thriving, they love being with both me and with their dad.

So my questions are how many others have 50/50 care? And does it work for you? What reactions do you get from others? And to the parents who aren't 50/50 do you wish the other parent would help more?
Thanks for reading

Bump

Hi op. If you put this in the relationships section or divorce then you'll get more responses.

I am not in that situation. But l commend you for doing something so reasonable and mature. Your children are at the heart of it which is the most important thing. If my partner and l were to split them we both thing 50/50 is the most fair

Rare in my experience. When we split exH wanted 50:50 and we eventually agreed on 60:40 (I had done all childcare until that point, he had never been alone with her).

Within 3 weeks, we were at 90:10, and it's never gone higher than that,although her relationship with him has improved so she may choose to spend more time with him instead future I guess.

All the other single parents I know, the NRP has a maximum of EOW and one overnight mid-week. Most have less than that.

Well done on making it work!

We do 50:50 as it also seemed the fairest thing to do. I do miss the DCs a lot but I also appreciate the time to work, see friends, do sports and just laze about without having to think of someone else all the time. Ex and I both live close to their school and help each other if needed during the other person’s contact week. We also do some things together, e.g. birthdays, activities that require two adults like climbing and we’ve also been on holiday together.

We live in France where 50:50 is the norm so we’ve not had any negative or surprised comments.

My exp and I do genuine 50/50 care. It means a fair bit of to-ing and fro-ing for the DC but we live literally a 3 minute walk from each other so it's worked out well. We will maybe broach switching to a week at each house in the future now that the DC are older and used to being away from me (I was sahm before) but only if the DC want to try it.

I've not really had any strong reaction either way from other people tbh.

My husband and I do 50-50 with his 2 dd's. He is really hands on so it works and the girls have always seemed happy and settled. My husband has a good relationship with his ex wife and it works. As long as the kids are happy don't worry what anyone else thinks.