Christmas with adult children question

[Silbury1967]

This is cross-posted to the adult children board but I thought I might get more views posting on here as well, hope that's ok

Two of our older kids are living with partners this year which presents me with a quandry over what to buy/how much to spend on the new partners.
Up until this year their partners have just had a token gift off us. Now they're living together I'm not sure how to work this:
do I spend the same amount of money as I normallly spend on my kids and buy a token gift for partners like last year
do I spend the same amount as I spent on my kids last year but split the gifts between them? (eg if I normally spend £50 on my child do I now spend £25 each?)
do I buy something between them for their home? (not a favourite idea of mine as I don't know their tastes enough)
do i get them a gift voucher or money to the amount I would normally spend on my child?
I wish I could treat the new partners the same as my own kids and spend the same amount on each of them as I do my own kids, but money is tight and spending extra isn't really an option.
wwyd? How do other families deal with this when money is sparse?.

I think it totally depends on how you plan to celebrate and how well you know them. I think a couple gift is totally fine. My MIL often does us a hamper of food and drink. We don’t need more stuff (and frankly over the years I’ve tired of the cheap bath tat she’s bought me from Boots). If you know their partners like particular things or shops, a gift card is a lovely idea if you want to give individual gifts. Your children are the best people to ask about what might be best. My MIL often asks my dh what I like and he can steer her in the right direction.

I would buy them an experience jointly such as cinema tickets, food voucher then perhaps buy your child a separate gift - perfume, aftershave, candle also?

My MIL buys me a small gift and DH something bigger spend. My DM does the same but I get the bigger gift!

I think continue as you did in previous years if that still works. Token gift for partner. They won’t be expecting any more just cause they now live together

Both my parents and my in-laws usually buy “their child” the bigger gift and more of a token for the partner. DH and I have been married for 10 years and we were together for 5 years before that. We’re perfectly happy with this system and I think my DB and SIL and BILs etc etc are fine with it too. I usually buy a couple gift for my sibling and his partner

I would get them a 'couple gift' too - as others have suggested, cinema / theatre / nice meal out vouchers or something they need / want for their home.
Does depend a bit on how well off they are. If they have just left university and are trying to find their feet, they are in a different place from 2 x 30 yr olds on good salaries. In which case you might want to get them individual gifts. I would get them similar (ish) priced gifts though. Seems odd to me, if you are accepting they are now long term part of your family, that you would spend less on them than you did on their partners.

My dad gives me a bigger present and my husband a token gift. My MIL however gives me and my husband gifts of the same (large) value (and the same for birthdays). I definitely win here!! 😁 What can you do? 🤷‍♀️ Can’t exactly call my dad and ask him to spend more, equally MIL loves xmas and enjoys giving both of us a large gift.

My mum splits it between the two of us so we each get something.

My parents very much treat me as they did when I was a singleton. They tend to spend about the same on me and each of my two sisters.

Our husbands or boyfriends get a smaller gift - usually Mum asks us girls to help choose for them. It’s been something like a jumper, pair of Pjs, scarf, something we know they will like. She will then usually also get them a gift set or box of chocs or something too.

She has also done a more
joint gift on a few occasions - something like a good gift or candles or one year we got wine glasses as we had moved in together and needed them.

I didn't expect anything off my mil (she really didn't like me). I was pleasantly surprised with a scented candle set one year, a pretty, lunch sized cool bag another, that sort of thing. I think she was gutted I liked them

I've got two AC with partners - I've always spent about £50 each on my own children and about £25 each on their partners. I usually buy the partners something like a nice bottle of wine or a voucher . My own AC get more personal gifts since I know their tastes better.

I've just noticed I asked this same question last christmas when the first one moved in with their partner. I'd completely forgotten I had the same quandry then. They asked for money in the end instead of gifts so I gave them the same amount as I spent on our other adult kids but they had to split it between them. Their dad was happy with this but I remember feeling guilty because they'd had to share.

My mum and dad spend more on me than DH £200 on me, £70 on DH. They also spend more on me than DS £100. Have never questioned the logic!

MIL spends £40 on me and DH, and £50 on DS.

I probably spend £70 each on mum, dad and MIL.

Never given it very much thought, it's just sort of evolved this way.