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Parenting

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Am I reading too much into autism red flags?

27 replies

SamJTony · 09/11/2019 22:34

My son is almost 14 months. Very happy, smiley, affectionate little boy who is curious about the world around him. He claps, high fives, gives kisses and climbs onto my lap for cuddles. He will (usually) look for and often retrieve certain toys or items that I ask him for. He seems happy and comfortable in the company of strangers and other children, and in new and different environments. Does not seem bothered by changes to his routine. Makes and maintains good eye contact with us and with strangers. Plays well alone but also enjoys shared play with us, for example throwing a ball back and forth or playing peekaboo or reading books together. Has recently learnt to press buttons etc on his toy cars and will often press them when we ask him to. Eats well with a variety of textures, flavours and colours all enjoyed. Is an excellent sleeper and always has been. Recently experienced some separation anxiety and he has become slightly clingy lately but that is most likely because he's recently started nursery. Babbles a lot, says mamamama, dadadada, yeahyeahyeah, hiya but no proper words as yet. Crawls at super speeds and cruises furniture and stands constantly but not yet walking. Still seems quite orally fixated, EVERYTHING ends up in his mouth for a chew, everything is fair game. For this reason, he doesn't self feed with spoon as he loses interest in the food and just chews the spoon. But he does only have six teeth so could also be teething related.

My worries are:

He does not wave or point despite my continual efforts to teach him.

He has a short attention span

Makes high pitched shrieks often

We have seen a HV, our GP and most recently a consultant paediatrician all of whom have said they have no concerns about him or his development at this stage and he is well within normal realms. The paediatrician told me that the lack of waving or pointing in isolation and in context of the things he is doing, is nothing to worry about.

I should say that I am by nature a very anxious and obsessive person. I read about something and can become fixated on that subject, making everything fit until I can convince myself that I or the ones I love, have a certain condition. So I'm well aware that this could just be another incidence of this. My husband certainly thinks so and he has no real worries about our son.

I should also mention that my son has a moderate bilateral sensorineural hearing loss that was picked up shortly after his birth and he wears hearing aids.

I would be really interested to hear other people's thoughts, experiences and advice, even if that advice is to get a grip, accept what I'm being told and to forget about it. I'd just really like to know if those things are enough for me to be this worried?

Apologies in advance for rambling on and thanks for reading and responding. It's much appreciated.

OP posts:
BellatrixLestat · 09/11/2019 22:37

Define short attention span?

From your description he sounds very much NT to me. Babies develop at different rates and do different things at different times at that age so I really wouldn't be worrying. I don't think autism can be reliably detected or diagnosed til around 3 anyway. Correct me if I'm wrong here.

123bananas · 09/11/2019 22:44

Sounds NT for a 14 month old. At that age my autistic ds was not verbalising babbling or words at all, spent a large amount of time upside down doing headstands, had huge sensory issues around food and sounds (singing and clapping resulted in screaming meltdowns that lasted sometimes for 20 minutes), was not holding a spoon and would not engage with people outside immediate family at all. Nothing like his sisters, who were more like your child.

SoftSheen · 09/11/2019 22:47

Your son sounds like a typical 1 year old to me :)

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NoFun21 · 09/11/2019 22:54

You shouldn’t be worrying so much and I don’t think this fear of autism
ia particularly justified.

SillyBub · 09/11/2019 22:55

My DS had far more autism red flags at that age than your DS. I was quite accepting of the fact he was. But he isn't. He was just a very quirky, independent, obsessional baby and toddler.

Nothing you say makes me think he is (my job brings me into daily contact with children with autism) but that doesn't mean anything. 14 months is just too young to be sure except in the cases of the most profoundly affected, which I'm quite sure your DS isn't.

Enjoy your boy for the lovely boy he is Flowers

NoFun21 · 09/11/2019 22:56

My child had autism and is exceptional, remarkable and wonderful. Your child sounds NT. no need for alarm.

EpcotForever · 09/11/2019 22:58

He sounds like a lovely little boy. We can't help worrying about our children but he sounds so sweet.

WeMarchOn · 09/11/2019 22:59

I'm Autistic and my 2 daughters are, he sounds like a normal little boy to me

NoFun21 · 09/11/2019 23:16

He can be autistic and also a lovely little boy EpcotForever🙄

giggly · 09/11/2019 23:29

No red flags at all for NDD at that age that I can see and I work in CAMHS so daily diagnosis. Perhaps more focus on your own mental health needs will enable you to enjoy your son without watching/ worrying for no reason. You have had the opinion of 3 medical practitioners so I’d trust their findings. Please enjoy your son as he is.

WeMarchOn · 10/11/2019 00:18

@giggly with all due respect CAMHS told me my daughter wasn't Autistic and she has just been diagnosed

Alsioma · 10/11/2019 01:49

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Pinkblueberry · 10/11/2019 08:15

For your DS sake you really need to chill out - he’s 14 months for goodness sake, just enjoy him and stop analysing the poor child like he’s some kind of science project.. You took him to a GP because he won’t point, makes shrieking noises and, shock horror, as a 14 month old doesn’t have a long attention span? Are you going to behave like this for his entire childhood - keeping a log of his ‘progress’, examining him and taking him to medical professional because he’s not 100% perfect?? Just bonkers.

SamJTony · 10/11/2019 08:54

Thanks everyone for your honest replies, particularly Pinkblueberry for your extremely honest response. It certainly puts my mind at rest that I am reading far too much into this and putting way too much emphasis on the things he doesn’t do and not enjoying him for the things he does do.

I must admit that it has been somewhat hard since his birth, as well as a traumatic birth and my crippling PND, we had a lot of uncertainty in the early days over his health after he was diagnosed with a hearing loss as we had to have lots of other intensive testing to see if there was a ‘bigger issue’ at play with the possibility that the hearing loss was just a small part of a larger problem. Thankfully when my son was about 6 months old, we were told that they thought the hearing loss was an isolated issue but that they needed to keep an eye on his development just to be sure.

I definitely think that this acted as the fuel to the fire of my concerns over his development with my own mental health struggles making it more difficult for me to see things rationally and in context as my husband is able to.

Also, just to confirm, we didn’t just take DS to the doctor over concerns about his development, he had HF&M from nursery and we asked about the other issues while we were there. Similarly with the paediatrician, it was a scheduled follow up appointment relating to his hearing problem and we took the opportunity to air our (my) concerns. So hopefully I’m not a complete psychopath. 🤣

OP posts:
BeanBag7 · 10/11/2019 08:57

Why are you asking random internet strangers when 3 medical professionals have already told you he is fine? What could we possibly say that would be more convincing than a consultant paediatrician saying they arent concerned about him?

SamJTony · 10/11/2019 09:01

Because I wanted to know what actual parents, who’ve been through the same things as me, who may have had a similar experience to me, think. Instead of medical professionals who are looking at him clinically and without any kind of parental instinct. Isn’t that what mumsnet is all about?

OP posts:
Absoluteunit · 10/11/2019 09:07

Because medical professionals don't always get it right. We were fobbed off by multiple professionals because my daughter was "too sociable" and made eye contact before she was diagnosed.

Anyway OP, he sounds NT to me. My daughter is fairly "high functioning" and she had a lot of little telltale signs from the list of things you say your DS is ok with.

drspouse · 10/11/2019 10:08

Are the shrieks not a typical thing in children with hearing loss? A friend's DC has this and this was what I thought.

WeMarchOn · 10/11/2019 10:34

@BeanBag7 Paediatrician told me when my daughter was 4 she was too sociable to be Autistic and she gave eye contact, fast forward to now she is nearly 10 and has just been diagnosed, it's been really detrimental to her wellbeing.

WeMarchOn · 10/11/2019 10:36

@SamJTony please don't let anyone think it's because of your MH, i have been there and been told to chill because there's nothing wrong with them, a mothers instinct is so valuable 💜

Pinkblueberry · 10/11/2019 10:50

i have been there and been told to chill because there's nothing wrong with them, a mothers instinct is so valuable

Yes but there’s a difference between instinct - noticing something and having that overwhelming feeling something isn’t right - and painstakingly anylising your child’s development and waiting for something to be wrong and pouncing on that first tiny thing, what can barely be called potential sign, that shows your 14 month old child may have autism. I agree with a pp that what should be more evident and at the forefront here is that the OP is need of some support and that her own health should be a focus, not so much her child.

Pinkblueberry · 10/11/2019 10:55

OP do you get to spend much time around other children your DS age? Does he go to a childcare setting? It may put your mind at ease a bit to see that plenty of other children are just the same maybe not even as advanced in their development - from your OP it sounds like you’ve just been reading up on certain milestones, but you’d be surprised how flexible they actually are.

SamJTony · 10/11/2019 11:28

I think this is why I am in such a conundrum. On the one hand I know how prone I am to getting carried away with ideas and analyzing every little sign that could mean something or nothing. I’ve convinced myself I’ve got every type of cancer in the past, I was convinced my son had CP when he was first born (he doesn’t) so I am totally open to the idea that this could just be another instance of that. But on the other hand, my instinct does tell me something is not quite right with him. But I just don’t know if I can trust my instinct taking into account my long history of health paranoia.

OP posts:
SamJTony · 10/11/2019 11:31

Pinkblueberry - son has just started nursery, he’s only been going for a couple of weeks. He has a great first week but the last couple of weeks he’s been a bit up and down. Think that’s normal though. As the parent, I haven’t had much opportunity to view other children and what they are doing, except on pick up and drop off. We used to spend a lot of time with other mums and babies the same age, classes and play dates etc. Less so now as it used to upset me seeing how all the other babies seemed to reach their milestones way before my son did. I know babies develop at different rates but my son was consistently the last to do something, if he did it at all (such as with the waving and pointing)

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 10/11/2019 11:53

All sounds pretty normal to me

The human mouth is a very sensitive instrument, with loads of nerve endings and sensors. Any baby, your child included, who puts things into their mouth to explore is making a very sensible use of the resources available.

All good.

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