Christmas arrangements

[Mumlife25]

Hello, advice needed please,
My ex partner lives 8 hours away from our 6 year old, he upped and left and started a new family when she was 3 years old. I have never allowed our daughter to travel such distance because I feel this is her home, so he comes up to see her, sometimes he goes 3 weeks and this ranges up to 16 weeks. There is no relationship between him and our daughter. So because I wouldn't allow her to go up the country he has taken me to court. Since then he has done nothing but ask to let her go to his house and bullying me into making a decision while I believe we should let the mediation sort it.
My main worry is that he is fighting to have her at his house from the 22nd december to the 27th, every other christmas. Is this right? Is this a fair 'alternate' Christmas, I feel that over my dead body my daughter will be 600 miles away from me and her family, he usually comes down to see her over Christmas and we share that way. However he has done a complete U turn and decided he wants her surrounded by complete strangers over the most special time of the year. Surely this isn't right?

My sister had a similar court case with her ex. They split when my nephew was one. He barely bothered with him for weeks. The. Stopped seeing him. Then a year later he started wanting to see him. He was horrible to my sister and mom. He took my sister to court many times.

For a few years he saw him on a Thursday one week for tea then the following week he had him Saturday morning until Sunday tea time. Then he started demanding more. He's not not seen my nephew for 2 years as he my nephew is now 13 and started to push back on his dad.

Unfortunately over the years he did see my nephew he was allowed him Christmas eve one year until 2pm Christmas day. The following year he got him 10am Christmas morning until boxing day. My sister got the scraps even though she fed him, clothed him, got him to school everyday and provided he needed on top of that.

It was infuriating but thankfully he's out his life now. He wasn't a nice guy and was just trying to get one over on my sister. He also has a new family now. He's never paid for my nephew apart from £30 a week for a couple of years. He's never bothered physically buying him any clothing or shoes.

I feel for you. It was his choice to move so far. It's not natural to only want to see your child as and when. Then to try take her from her mummy and her home Christmas week is just disgusting. I don't think they will agree to that many days over Christmas. Dig your heels in at the case and say you want part of Christmas with her as she will need to be with you and open her presents and stuff. It's so cruel how kids get treated. She would want to be home with you when santa has been! It's her home. I wish you luck and hope it goes in your favour. Xx

Of course it is fair. She has two parents. They are only strangers as you have prevented him from seeing her except under your own terms. Of course it is difficult. However, the distance is what it is now. Of course it makes sense, if traveling that far, to stay for several days. Get it properly set up and then on alternate years you get to be with her.

You also posted this elsewhere where the consensus was splitting is fair. The others are only strangers because you won't let her go down there. Building strong relationships with both parents is for the benefit of the child. My opinion remains the same, alternate Christmas is the fairest solution, but it does need to be built upon by him having her at his for longer periods beforehand.

It's an eight hour journey not like popping round the corner. Of course a few days is reasonable