Giving up

[Random111]

I’m an extremely young mum. I have a lovely baby boy except sometimes I can’t help but blame him for everything. I’m still suffering with severe depression. I’ve just got the social workers off my back and acted like everything was back to how it used to be. The social workers made me feel worse than I am. I was an absolutely great mum before my boyfriend (baby’s dad) cheated on me and my life went down hill. There isn’t a day where I don’t cry. I’m struggling very hard with my son. I almost want to give him up for adoption but don’t have the guts to. I love him so much but I know that all I wish for is things to go back to how they were:( I genuinely hate myself for feeling like this because I know for a fact that that little boy doesn’t know how I feel and he loves me dearly. I feel absolutely guilty. I often talk myself into maybe ending it. How can I carry on when I constantly feel like this all the time. I live with grandma. She spends more time with him than I do. She does the night feeds. We’re often both arguing when he’s not around due to lack of sleep. I never really know why I’m tired but I always am. If something tiny happens now I can easily go from happiness to full on anger. It’s one extreme to the other. I really love my little boy but I just don’t know what to do. I am asking please for no hate and I’m not sure if I’m saying all this maybe because I’m upset but being a mum is hard, a lot harder than I thought and I just need someone to listen and help me

You need to seperate the feelings and unhapppiness from your boyfriend from that to your son, one has cheated and deceived you,the other one loves you and needs you

Hi, you need to go to the doctors if you haven’t already been, if you have then you need to go back and they need to give you some different medication, also talking therapy may help. You will be feeling tired due to depression as it’s a very common side effect. For now your priority has to be to get better, we all have bad days but you shouldn’t nor need to feel like this every day. Remember your little boy loves you so get better for him, he will never cheat on you! and will love you forever as long as you are there for him and spend time with him 😊 x

Oh sweetheart, please see your GP, if you haven't done so already. You don't have to feel like this.

Do you feel trapped in the situation? I find that I get really depressed when I start thinking that everything is fixed and that I can't do anything to improve my situation, whereas when I'm working on a goal (such as studying part time or losing some weight or saving to move somewhere new, doesn't matter what) I feel much happier in general.

I became a single parent and that was hard. I was angry and hurting and my circumstances were much worse than they had been, but finding ways to improve myself, my life, my parenting and my situation has helped me keep going through the dark times. When I'm working on building a better life, in whatever way, I am just much nicer to be around. Other people, including my kids, enjoy my company much more and I enjoy my own company too. Whereas when I'm feeling angry and stuck I just lash out at the world in general and other people get caught in the cross fire without me even realising it, so I end up rowing with everybody and not taking responsibility for the dark energy I'm putting out.

I find forgiving people helps that too. Hating somebody and being angry with them just takes a lot of energy, and that energy is better spent building a happier life than being wasted on a piece of shit who wronged me.

I'm not saying any of this will help you, but just what helped me in the hope that it might do the same for you.

Your tired because you are depressed. You need to see your GP sweetie.

I’ve had gone to the doctors and they said they thought talking to people would help me, that was the social workers I were given however I just didn’t want to tell the truth in case I would get my boy taken off me I’m just stuck in an unhappy cycle that I can’t seem to get out of. I think it’s worse because I’m so young that doctors have this stereotype that we’re all shit and seem to give me less chance if you see what I mean. I don’t really like to make a fuss hence why I don’t really talk to anyone about these things

You MUST seek help go back to your gp and demand an urgent referral to the Mental Health team you are in crisis, your baby is small enough that you qualify for a place at a mother and baby unit which I very strongly suggest - my daughter just had her 11 month old son removed (he’s with me) this should never have happened she’s not a bad Mum she’s unwell PLEASE get help xx

Please go to your gp. They dont want to take your baby away they want to get you the help you need. If you hide it how can they help you.

It will get easier but if you are depressed some meds can really really help.