baby bonding with dad

[MogThoughtDarkThoughts]

Hi, I want to help my DS2 bond more with his dad, but he screams as though he’s being murdered when away from me. He’s 4 months and a bit of a velcro baby - which is lovely for all the cuddles but I confess it would be nice to have a very occasional break, or, you know, wash up/go to the loo/cook dinner without him attached (literally, in the sling).

For various reasons (breast-feeding issues and other stuff) we’ve fallen into a routine where I’m almost always looking after the baby while DP looks after DS1, who’s 3 and reasonably demanding! I imagine this is probably quite common for breastfeeding mums. But I feel bad that DP hasn’t had much of a chance to bond with DS2. I also don't want DS1 to feel I'm neglecting him.

This week DP has been trying to give DS2 a bottle of formula after his bath - partly for bonding and partly to get him used to bottles, while I put DS1 to bed. But the screams are just heartrending and it’s not doing any of us any good! Is it worth persisting? Or is the clinginess just a phase and I’m stressing unnecessarily?

I have children the same age and it’s hard. Baby is a true Velcro baby with allergies so no hope of a bottle.

I posted about this the other day and someone reminded me that it’s good for the 3 yr old. She no longer asks me to bath her and her and DH have their own things, mostly making giant foam creatures in the bath. 3yr is in school nursery and home in the afternoons and we have quality time when the baby is asleep in the sling. We do also watch too much tv together while the baby is feeding.

I wouldn't push it at this age, but within a few months hopefully it will naturally even out

It naturally evens out. My velcro second baby is now 15 months and yesterday pushed past me to get hugs from his dad.
Enjoy the cuddles while you have them!

It will pass. Its natural.

You need to let him find his way with DS2 like you did. He’s probably only screaming the house down because at some point his tears have meant he gets your boob instead. Suggest you let your DP have him for a feed while you go out with DS1.

Post bath time is hungry time for my baby, maybe try to get him to take a bottle at the weekend when he is not really hungry.

We had this issue, and at one point when I drove to the airport to pick up my DSis with DC1 and left the 4-month-old (pre-fed) with DH for 2 hours, the baby screamed himself absolutely frantic, the entire time. It was terrible, for both of them! But the baby is 7 months old now, I’m back at work, and DH is off with him, and they have a very good relationship. I think at 4 months you’re still in the thick of it and I wouldn’t worry too much. The baby got a lot more interested in his dad’s funny songs and silly faces around 6 months.

Thanks everyone. Very reassuring to hear that it should sort itself out in time - I did wonder if I was forcing the issue a bit. Replies all look very sensible.
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I think we might try a bottle at a different time of the day too as over-tiredness definitely doesn't help. But if it doesn't work we'll leave it for a couple of months.

I expressed a bottle in the mornign which my DH gave the baby at around 10 or 11pm when she woke up. That meant I got a solid block of sleep from 9pm to 3 or 4am when she next woke up, and also gave DH a chance of a nice calm feed when I wasn’t around

Will your DH wear the baby in the sling? My DH wears DC3 (7 weeks old) in the evenings so I can cook/read with DC1/shower etc

We tried that last night as it happens @ThePolishWombat but unfortunately screamng ensued! I think he was overtired and this just sent him over the edge. Might work better during the daytime (weekends, obviously).