Neglecting baby guilt!

[Mella91]

My baby is now 6 months and I am going to go crazy questioning my mothering. He is the most wonderful baby, content with everything, always happy, never cries - we have slight issues with nap times that we are working on but other than that we have a great routine in place.

My friends baby is 3 weeks older than DS and is so much more advanced than DS. He can crawl, clap and imitate his mum whereas DS is still rolling around and smiling his beautiful smile. I just feel so so guilty when I look at them. I am a full time working mother whereas my friend is a stay at home mum.

I get home at 4pm and DS goes to be at 7.30. He is asleep in the morning when I leave for work so we only have limited time together. I try to spend every second I can with him other than breaks I take to pump (I exclusively pump). I play games, sing songs and read books to him as much as I can.

I just cant get the idea that me not spending enough time with DS is maybe the reason why he isn't so advanced? I know I am being silly - each child is different and unique in their own way. I love my baby the same whether he is a genius or very slow BUT whats nagging at me is that maybe I am the reason he isn't developing as quick.

I have to say he is meeting all his milestones and so we have no issues there.

Who cares for him while you are at work?
And the main thing is that he is meeting his milestones.

With all due respect I think you are overthinking this. My sil’s son was hitting his physical milestones earlier than my DB’s son despite being 3 months younger. Sil was really proud of this and was giving him dubious advice about everything from food to exercise even though the differences were normal due to DB’s son being very premature. 4 years later it’s DB’s son who has been identified as a genius and is being put through the school’s gifted and talented programme early so he can settle in before he absolutely has to. Sil’s son while intelligent in his own way still struggles to communicate and gets very frustrated when he can’t - but that’s fairly normal at that age.

I really wouldn't worry. My DS only sat at 9 months, rolled once at 4 months then didn't again until about 18 months. He's 21 months now and doesn't crawl or walk independently (he's a bum shuffler) am I neglecting him? No. He's just developing differently to most of his peers

I'm a SAHM and my son has only just started crawling now at 9 months. I've literally never left him! Whereas my friend works three days a week and her baby was crawling at 6 months. Every baby is different, as long as he is well cared for and has all his needs met at childcare, everything else is fine.

You have a happy beautiful baby and her LO is ahead of yours now, but in 5 years time nobody will know who crawled first, who said their first word first, who walked first.

Don't worry, you have a smiley happy baby and you're doing a fab job.
You're going to work so LO can have a lovely home and nice food in his belly.

We have a wonderful day Nanny who takes care of him when I am at work.

Right now the only reason I do work is for him - to give him the best education and standard of living possible.

Thank you for all your replies :) I feel a lot better already. This was nagging me for a while now

Yes I'm technically a SAHM (I work evenings when DD is in bed) and we do lots of activities and classes every week, spend loads of time together... and she's still a lazy mare She's 9mo and not crawling yet, although think she's working up to it. She didn't roll until like 6/7 months. She did sit unassisted very early though. She's just an individual who does things in her own time.

They're just all totally different and in a few years time who did what first will be totally irrelevant. In my opinion, having an early mover is a lot more trouble than it's worth anyway so embrace it!

6 or even 7 months is pretty early to be crawling.

By best education, I assume you're thinking private?

And as for standard of living, it does need to be balanced with actually spending time with your child to enjoy. Work to live, not live to work etc

Comparison is the thief of joy @Mella91

Stop worrying. It's getting you nowhere and is changing nothing. Your baby will develop at his own pace. The more time you spend stressing about it, the less time you have to enjoy him

By best education, I assume you're thinking private?

Yes, we are thinking private.

Yes I try to spend as much time as I can with him. My social life is out of the window as weekends and evenings are now just to spend time with DS.

@Celebelly Thats very encouraging! Thanks a lot, I guess it really is each individual baby then

Honestly don't compare! I know it's hard no to though.

My son was crawling at 6 months, walking at 10 months etc but now he's 22 months and really behind in all the other stuff- communication etc.

You just don't know how they are going to turn out at 6 months!!

I’m a stay at home mum and ds1 didn’t crawl until 10 months. I did wonder at the time if he’d be getting more stimulation at nursery and that was why he wasn’t crawling! So safe to say it’s easy to feel guilty no matter what you do. They are all so different. I’m sure your ds is probably doing things your friends baby isn’t (or will in future) don’t worry

Mines is 11months and developed her pincer technique extremely quick but hasnt clapped her hands yet! Babies go their own path.

Dont pressure yourself or baby. This is the best time for the loveliest moments!!

Oh lovely don’t compare them as babies come in all shapes and sizes, if you go down this path the waiting for them to talk phase will kill you! Someone’s baby will have always done something faster than yours, everyone likes to brag about what their babies can do! In reality her baby probably cries all night is grumpy etc you get the picture!

Enjoy the time you get together and be thankful you’ve got a great nanny

None of what you describe about your friend's baby is particularly normal for a 6 month old. My 2nd started to crawl at 5.5 months (average is more around 8-9 months), and that is obscenely early - it's also a real pain in the ass. None of mine waved or imitated or anything until closer to a year. They are both on track or advanced developmentally. They were barely able to sit up and eat without falling over in the high chair at 6 months!

Very likely your baby can do things that your friend's cannot, so please don't worry about it. That said, I have friends whose babies were all quite 'advanced' (walking by 9-10 months, singing songs at a year). They are definitely not particularly amazing parents. They spent a lot of time arguing (soon to separate) and shoving their babies in front of a tablet. Babies are all just different, no matter how great (or not) their parents are at parenting.

Ds9 crawled at 6 months, walking by 9 months but needed a lil support with speech etc when first starting school. Ds8 crawled walked "late" yet soon caught up and is now what school class as "advanced" 🙄. Please don't worry, as long as your baby is happy and so are you then it's all good

Babies are all so different and will develop in their own time. My DD didn't crawl until she was 12 months but was waving and saying "hello" at 9 months. A friend's daughter was crawling at 6 months and walking by 1 but not speaking much. You really can't compare them!

It sounds like you're spending lots of quality time with your baby which is the important thing.

Mine is 7.5 months (6 corrected as he was premature) and he doesn’t even roll yet. He has a physiotherapist to help him catch up but she says that all she looks for is progress from week to week (which she sees) but adds they all do things differently and in their own time. She’s not at all concerned.
He’s bright and alert and laughs and smiles and has a wicked temper!
I’m with him 24/7 so it absolutely has nothing to do with you being at work.

My siblings are twins and so received pretty much the same stimulation, yet they still hit their rolling/crawling/waving/walking/speaking milestones etc at very different times (and it wasn't necessarily the same twin who always did stuff first). Babies have their own pace.