Mum guilt...failing to let my baby explore finger foods because of my fears.

[Lovetochat1]

I’m a first time mum, my baby girl is 9months old and is one happy little bundle of joy.

However, when it comes to weaning and the whole food topic I’m a complete mess. My mum has her on Tuesdays whilst I work and feeds her all sorts of finger foods to which she says she gags sometimes but gets on with it.

I’m too terrified to try anymore as we had an episode a few weeks back where she was struggling to swallow a bit of the baby crisp. It took several back pats to bring it back up.

I’ve booked myself onto a baby/child first aid course this weekend to hopefully help ease my mind but mum guilt is kicking in to overdrive. I cry everyday thinking that I’m holding her back.

My partner is good with her and on Sunday mornings they have biscuits together (hers is dunked in his tea for extra softness)

I’m the only one holding her back and I’m the one that’s with her majority of the time.

Sorry for the long thread, she is on stage 2 baby foods (Ella kitchens) and is fine with them and also I purée our dinners and she is fine with these also.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated or even if anyone is in a similar situation so I’m not the only one

It’s natural to be worried, and you had a scare so it’s going to make you extra cautious.
It was my husband that struggled to let our now 11 month old eat finger foods initially, though we were lucky with just usual gag issues he has touch wood always got everything up

I hope the baby first aid course helps ... see if they can show you the size of the babies wind pipe

The. Allow nothing more than half that size in her hands .. so if the worse does happen she can still breath will you go to a and e ( that’s how I see it , and by the way it’s surprisingly big for their tiny size )

And all babies are going to be a different speeds in terms of being ready for such things so if she is struggling wait a while she isn’t missing out she will get there when she is ready...
Perhaps if you want to try still you would feel better giving soft fruits cut into thin strips? Like avocado / banana that are easy mushed up by her? Or well cooked skinny carrot batons ? It’s still finger food but easy for gums to deal with less dry so easy to mush up and swallow ( much like the biscuit dunked in tea )

Good luck but all in your own time you sound like a lovely mum x

Cut stuff thin and long so easy to hold but not so thick she could be in trouble with it thickness of say quarter of a grape

Ooh I do mashed potato or mash sweet potato and carrot and let my little guy help himself with his hands in his high chair and petit pois ... would you feel confident with that? It’s messy but fun and helps with hand mouth coordination

Start with things that will pretty much mash in her mouth like avocado! Watch videos on YouTube about the difference of gagging and choking. The first aid course should really help you! I was all for BLW but chickened out at last second and mashed his Carrots. But within a week he was having toast. I was a nervous mess the whole time and that's normal!

You honestly don't need to be pureeing your dinner now. You need to introduce some lumps at the very least.

Do your first aid course and just brave it.

Honestly, DS has basically been BLW and has needed help once in 2.4 years

If i helps I was utterly utterly terrified at that stage - much worse than you, and didn't allow anything other than very sort finger food until he was nearly 1 yr old (my own anxieties, I know) he's nearly 3 now and eats as well as any other kid.

Definitely do the first aid course this should help you feel more at ease that you would be prepared should a choking episode occur. I completely understand your anxiety as I was the same. Some of the baby foods out there are quite hard to chew etc so it’s not surprising they can get into trouble. We were just extremely careful with what foods we offered. The other problem was DS was and still does just shovel as much food in his mouth as he can fit or holds onto it in the roof of his mouth until he gags. Just be mindful of only giving small amounts of food at a time in front of them etc.

I do understand -- I have a fear of vomiting and was terrified my babies would gag and vomit when weaning... they sometimes did, but they never came close to actually choking. Gagging is noisy, normal, and often messy. But it's important because little ones are learning to control what and how they swallow food.

Be wary of cutting solid food into little chunks for your DD. These can be a choking hazard. It's better to give LO hand-sized pieces of food and let her control how much she takes into her mouth herself.

I didn't do pureed food at all with my DC, but these are foods that I felt most comfortable with and that were less likely to cause gagging. Place them on the table and let your DD help herself:

Scrambled egg
Mashed potato / sweet potato
Grated cheese
Thick homemade soups -- serve with fingers of buttered bread or toast and encourage dunking
Hummus and breadsticks
Guacamole and pitta
Banana
Strawberries
Chunks of soft cooked veg like broccoli, sweet potato etc.
Peas
Raisins
Dry cereal like Rice Crispies, Cheerios etc.
Plain yoghurt -- give LO a spoon and let her have a go
Soft cooked pasta with pesto / tomato sauce

Good luck!

Just gonna day I’ve weaned both my children and I hated it for the very reasons you describe.

DD was quite robust gagger and stuff would come out easily. DS not so much and it was actually scary to hear him struggle.

This is why I don’t get it when other mothers squeal “oooohhhhh, I LOVE the weaning stage”.

Nope. Sky high anxiety and a tonne of mess are not my jam.

I could have written your post three years ago. If DH was giving DS anything lumpy I had to leave the room as I couldn’t watch. I spoke to my health visitor and she encouraged me to give him toast while she was there. It didn’t really help. Then one day I got him some Heinz baby biscuits and I tried one first, they literally disintegrate when they are in your mouth. So I let him have one (while watching like a hawk) and bizarrely from that I wasn’t anxious or nervous anymore. It was really hard though. I’d seen my friends baby choke on a bit of banana and I’m sure that’s where it stemmed from. You need to be kind to yourself and take your time. My DS is one of the best eaters I know now so it has done him no harm. But if you can seek help from someone (even a friend) to help you move on, it will make mealtimes so much less stressful. Good luck