Anyone go back to work full time?

[Hanster85]

Hi,

My baby will be 12 months when I go back to work full time & I'm dreading it - I know it sounds sappy, but after a year on maternity leave - leaving her is going to be hard.

All the other mums I know seem to have gone back part time or not at all & just wondered how going back full time was for other people & any tips for organising myself once I do?

Thank you :)

I work full time, compressed into 4 days so that I have one weekday at home with DS. I was back when he was 4 months old and tbh it was really hard. My top tips/thoughts:

• The build up to going back is much worse than actually being back. As hard as it is, try not to get too worked up about it, it will be fine

• Outsource absolutely everything that you can/can afford to. Get a cleaner/mothers help and have them do laundry as well. Batch cook and plan meals. Try to give yourself as much time as possible to be with your DD when you're not working, not worrying about life admin

• Is there any option for flexible working or WFH? Compressing made a huge difference for me. Even one WFH day per week would be beneficial

• Don't feel guilty. You're doing the best thing for yourself and for DD (otherwise you wouldn't be doing it) and she will grow up with an example of a woman successfully balancing work and family life. This is by no means a snipe at SAHMs - I just find that the mum guilt for mums newly going back to work often needs addressing

I went back full time after 7 months. I asked for my working pattern to be compressed so I work 5 days over 4 which gives me an extra day with my DD each week and helps minimise the amount of childcare we need. It's hard and sometimes the long days are very tiring on top of having a baby, DH, a house to run and a life to lead, but it was important to me to go back to work. A few things that have helped me:

• Accept that some days are going to feel worse than others - you will be tired, you may be cranky, you may miss your baby SO much, but it's just a day and you can try again tomorrow.
• Get your partner (if you have one) on board with sharing chores and dealing with life admin/jobs to help lessen your load.
• Accept that sometimes things are going to have to wait or won't be done, e.g. cleaning the house top to bottom. Sometimes just doing the odd little job here and there, chipping away at things like dusting or a load of washing, can get you by.
• Batch cook and meal plan to make evenings less stressful. Slow cookers are good too.
• You will feel guilty sometimes but don't beat yourself up for choosing to go back to work. It's an excellent example for your LO and will give you some independence back too.
• Make the most of the time you are with your LO when you're not at work.
• It gets easier! The first few months are very difficult but it does get easier.

I work full time (at the moment, shortly to drop down to 0.8, which is partly because I want to, partly due to budgetary issues). I also have 6 hours of commuting 3 days a week. I work 4 days compressed hours, so about 9.5 ish hours a day. So 3 days I'm out of the house by 6:20am and not home until 7-8pm (last night it was 11pm ) and then 1 day I work school hours and then Fridays are my day off with toddler. I need to drop down to 0.8 (because there isn't money to pay me fulltime at the moment due to funding constraints), but I'll be doing 3 days compressed hours - 10 hours on T, W, Th but I'll have Mondays and Fridays off every week.

If you can manage normal ish working days and stagger your hours with your partner, it can free up the afternoons. So go in at 8am, out by 4pm, have a bit of time with your baby in the afternoon before dinner, rather than the rush home to sort dinner. You don't need two parents home in the morning and if it buys you time somewhere else, then that can make things easier.

Flexibly working helps as well. My days working from home, or shorter days where I work in the evenings means life is less rushed and I get more time with my dc. I personally don't mind the long days and all the commuting because I make the most of that productive time and then take time when they can be home with me.

In terms of organisation, you and your partner just need to think a bit about the week on the weekend. Meal plan and prep where you can. Plan simple, but healthy meals for days when dinner time will be especially rushed. Get life admin tasks done in weekday evenings after bedtime. Make the most of your weekends. I find we don't really have much time on the weekends for anything but family time. We don't see much of friends (we see them periodically but not every weekend or even every month). We don't go off and do whatever hobbies on the weekends. It's time for being together as a family as we don't get that time during the week (dh and I are pretty much only home together to sleep during the week) and we use Sunday evenings to sort out school bags, food, admin, etc. A family calendar helps as well.

It is really not that bad though. I much prefer working to being at home. It's great to have a bit more balance. It also gets much easier as they get older. It's hard to wrap your head around with a 12 month old. It's much different at 18 months or 2 or 3 or 7.

I found working so much better as lots more contact with other working parents so lots less judgements and lots of people whose kids were older so when I was anxious about something they would say it’s fine and tell me about how their kids survived being dropped on their heads or similar whereas in when with people who had babies the same age the anxiety would build and spiral. So working did wonders for my mental health

I went back full time when DS was 6 months old.

I've been lucky though that for the past 11 years I've done work where I could do flexible hours, working from home etc etc so I never really felt like I was leaving him 8hrs x 5days IYSWIM?

Thanks so much for all your responses! I intend to go back 4 days & taking one day of leave for the first 4 months & then full time 9-5 after that. I think it’s just that jump from being home 24/7 to barely being home! Just feels massive, but you are all right - I think it’s just about being organised and sharing the stress between me and OH. In some ways I am looking forward to some adult conversation & having that little bit of independence, but will also miss her like mad!
How have you guys worked out the condensed hours? (I have that option too) Do your OH’s do tea and bed with your LOs on your long days?

I’m going back full time in March 5/7 I’m dreading it. DP will be picking DS up & doing tea 3 nights a week & I will be picking him up twice a week

Full time since he was 1. Single parent so no choice but to do it, however was going nuts at home with a baby. Still full time and he’s 9 now. Still no choice but at least my childcare bills are less than my mortgage these days. Out of the house 715-515 (teacher) but the holidays are wonderful times together.

I went back full time at 7 months - she does one day a week nursery, four days a week with the ILs. I leave the house at 7, and back to collect her at 5.30 (teacher) so both types of childcare do all meals etc. I normally get her home, OH will have dinner ready so bolt that down while she plays with Daddy, then bath, bottle bed and I then spend from approx 7-10 working. Sounds awful but actually this means I can then condense my holiday work into her once a week nursery day (which she still does in the hols) and spend the rest of my time off with her.

Tips:

• Pack everything for childcare the night before
• If you can’t have a cleaner (we have nervous cats) do one small job each evening
• Spread the washing out over the week
• Food shop online
• Play rock, paper, scissors with your partner for weekend lie ins!

I went back fulltime at 9 months. I do a 9 day fortnight so work 8am-5pm and get every other Monday off. DP does 4 days and on my 5 day weeks this includes a weekend day so we only have to use nursery 3 days pw.

Do washing in the evening, 1 of us puts clean / dry stuff away while the other is doing bedtime then we do a couple of loads each evening.
Meals that do 2 days e.g. lasagne, cottage pie, etc. I was off yesterday so prepped a lasagne which I put in the oven when we took DS to bed so it was ready when we got back down.

I won't lie, I was a wreck. I didn't know anyone else even close to fulltime but now I'm loving work again and tbh find my toddler v hard work when I have to solo parent. He is thriving at nursery too.

I'm a widowed parent to two small DC and really don't find a full time a problem. But then being widowed teaches you not to make a drama out of small stuff. Married with one DC? Piece of cake, honestly. Get a cleaner if you can, make sure DH does half all pick ups etc, no excuses about him having the Big Important Man Job. Full time protects your financial independence and pension contributions, it's a great choice and a great example to your child.

I’ve been working full time for a year but expecting to go down to 3.5 days per week in the new year. I wanted to 4 days originally but that was refused as my dept is too busy so I’ve had to play the long game convincing them to recruit an extra person which will allow me to drop my hours. My company don’t allow compressed working because unpaid overtime is expected in my industry (though not in my role).

I have really struggled working full time. I had the best intentions of getting organised the night before, doing washing and online grocery shopping during the week so we could enjoy the weekends... but I’d feel constantly frazzled and didn’t manage it. Childcare was family so it was more flexible in terms of timings and I knew LO was in great hands and happy. It felt like it was just me that wasn’t happy with the set up. Weekends are too pressured cramming everything in and I don’t see all the new friends I made while I was on mat leave. No one else worked full time so there would be regular meet ups and I’d feel me and my DD were missing out. But above all, I missed having quality time with her.

No advice as such but just wanted to share my experience.

I went back full time out of choice (financially I could stay home but it’s not for me). The key to making it work is for your DP to step up and be a truly equal parent- they need to do their share of nursery drops, doctors appointments, sick days, bedtimes etc. or else you’ll drive yourself mad with stress. We also both have a day a week from home, short commutes and can leave at 4.30pm most days. This helps massively with work/life balance.

Also outsource what you can. Get a cleaner and online shop- an amazon prime subscribe is great, for example, nappies and wipes get auto delivered to nursery without anyone having to think about it!

I work full time with 2 children. Youngest is 16 months so I’ve been back 4 months now.

Honestly it is hard at first, I cried, a lot, but now we are in a good routine and I have found peace with it. I work full time out of necessity, and I do feel like the only mum doing that. My older child is in school and seeing all the other parents having their days off (with or without younger children) does still make me sad. And honestly I always do feel a little bit judged for it (in my head). But rushing off to work and having a busy day soon makes me forget.

You’ll need to be organised, especially when it comes to evening meals. Housework is manageable in small chunks though, I find. My house is never spotless but with 2 kids it never will be!

I think working full time really does make me appreciate the time I do have with DC. It is possible to fit a lot into a weekend, and when they’re a bit older, weeknight evenings.

Good luck 🙂

Can you use your annual leave to make short weeks?

I'm really surprised that there's quite a few comments here that going back to work full time is a rarity. It's pretty common among those I know, and this includes me.

I'm a single parent and it's a necessity but honestly, it's also easier, in ways. You're there fully and able to properly immerse yourself in work, without trying to squeeze work into p/t hours which shouldn't happen but often does!

Especially if you have a partner, I can't see why it's so hard. I don't mean to be unsympathetic but ... 2 adults, 1 child 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've 3 children, no input from their father during weekdays, no family around. It's not always easy but it's doable. Good childcare is really important. And I've had a lot of challenges with that but at the moment, I've got a good person minding them.

I work full time min- fri. I was also dreading it after mat leave. I often still wish I could drop my days but In the role I have it's not really possible. So whilst I do wish I could work PT or condensed hours, I have to say my DD absolutely loves nursery and has flourished there. Key is to pick a nursery you are happy with - ours has multiple gardens and they also often take them out around the local village and to visit at the local nursing home. Yes there are days when I wish I could stay off work and have DD but we book AL to look forward to and make time at weekends count.. try not to worry soon it will just become your new normal . Good luck

I’ve worked FT since DS was 16 weeks. I agree with everything PP have said above - you need an equal partner in your DH. You can’t be doing all the drop offs and pick ups and other household stuff on your own

Thank you everyone! Definitely some stuff to think about! Will have a chat with my OH about his hours too!

I do appreciate it’s easier with one child and an OH, but as a first time mum I’ve not been in this situation before and just wanted to hear how it was for you guys who have been there & done it. It’s not about it being practically hard, more emotionally hard tbh - as I will miss her! But needs must!

@EarringsandLipstick you raise some interesting points and I feel it should be much easier than it is in reality. Our particular challenges are a 1 hour commute for both of us and limited flexibility in staggering our working hours, and a daughter with additional needs and LOTS of appointments, therapies etc. At the moment I feel like I’m having to constantly make up working time, which eats into quality time with DD.

@Hanster85 Good luck! I think it’s sensible to think about it before you return and plan where you can. You will miss her but it’ll get easier.

I agree @Blueroses99, having limited flexibility with start/finish times must be so hard, and trying to juggle appointments for your daughter. Sorry if I came across as judgmental. I didn't mean to.