Can't leave my baby

[Whatamidoing157]

I have a six week old DD and am yet to leave her for more than 10 minutes. I have supportive family (mother's themselves) who I would trust to look after DD but I just can't bring myself to be away from her. My mum thinks I'm being ridiculous and is pressuring me to go out for a few hours or to have a few hours sleep and I would love to but I can't deal with the anxiety. When I'm in the shower I feel like I can hear her crying but when I go to check on her she's always fine but I have the same feeling every time. I never thought I'd be an over protective mum but I can't get over the feeling that something bad could happen if I'm not there. Is this normal with a newborn or do I need to talk to someone about this?

You don't need to leave her. We are biologically wired to not leave our infants, it's just that some sections of society see it as normal (which is fine if that's your thing). I don't think I left my DS for any period of time until he was 5 months, and even that was just for 45 minutes or so.

Google fourth trimester. I would say what you are feeling is normal.

Pushing to leave is a modern convention that denies every biological instinct built into your body. Your family can give you a break by holding baby while you eat uninterrupted or being in baby duty while you shower so you don’t have to worry about rushing. This time will go quickly. You don’t need to push yourself to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

I totally agree. 6 weeks is still VERY young and very soon after the birth for you.

I didn't leave dd with anyone else until she was at least 3 months and that was with her dad and then around 4 months I left her with a greatly trusted friend who knew dd and I very well and even then I phoned after an hour - friend completely understood.

I managed 3 hours but that was partly as I was bf and my boobs were killing me!!

We as mothers are NOT designed to leave our children when they are this young and vulnerable.

And quite honestly it's only necessary for someone else to care for your baby if mother is extremely ill.

Personally I don't understand why people feel they have the right to pressurise new mothers into doing so, I see threads on this all the time and every time I am outraged that vulnerable, recovering, adjusting new mothers are subjected to this.

If anyone reading thinks doing this is remotely acceptable and has or were intending to do this to a new mother please don't!

If you're a mother yourself please remember how you felt in those first weeks, how exhausted and sore and nervous and emotional and under scrutiny and worried you're getting everything wrong and just DON'T!

I don't think that's unusual, never left mine that young.

They shouldn’t be pressuring you to leave your baby but I’m sure they probably mean well? I was suffering from anxiety after the birth of my son and he was quite a difficult baby because of severe silent reflux. So my family rallied to give me a break and I have left my baby for a few hours a handful of times. I was extremely anxious to leave him the first time but personally it’s done me good. Those saying we are hard wired to not leave our children - that may be true but I needed time to myself to be a better mum!

Take the offer as and when you are ready. In the meantime use that support to be there while you eat hot food or take a shower, or just to nap in another room xx

I don't think it's unusual either. I didn't leave DD with anyone except her dad until 12 weeks, and even then it was just with my mum for about an hour and a half while me and DP went out for dinner and I rushed back after it and didn't even have dessert !

It's normal to feel like that but honestly, once you are away (say, two blocks away) the feeling disappears entirely and you feel fine. The mental break can be really good.

Congratulations on your baby 💐 You don't need to leave her. What's the point in going out if you're going to worry the whole time? My DD is almost 3 and I've only even been away from her for a few hours max! Also buy a video baby monitor they are amazing. You can have a shower/eat/relax all while keeping an eye on baby (:

don't let anyone pressure you to leave your baby. I have left mine a handful of times, I just dont want too.

YOu will get the people/family saying " do you not trust me?"

follow your instincts and google "4th trimester"

For the first step, why not have your mum look after her in your house while you nap? That way you're in the same house if you're needed.

It's normal. Don't let anyone pressure you.

perfectly normal op

Then stay with her. The ghost crying is natural, normal, it's one of nature's ways of making us remember we are parents. I've heard that dads can experience it too, if they are the primary carers.

If you are desperate for sleep, could you trust your mum to sit in your room with the baby, or would she think that it didn't matter if they wandered off when you were asleep? Depends on the grandma, really. My dd had me round to hold the baby at night, a couple of times, in the house but not in her room. Do what suits you, and don't be pressured by anyone else.

6 weeks is VERY early doors, I don't think you should worry if you don't want to leave baby at all. You'll feel ready for that in your own time, don't let people pressure you. Just explain how you feel to your mum and tell her you'll let her know when you want her to come and watch DD

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong here! I used to stick close to my newborns. I used to even bring mine into the bathroom with me when I showered so I could keep an eye on them and sing to them or whatever -in their bouncer . But if you’re feeling overly anxious that something bad is going to happen, do see your GP.

It’s normal. I haven’t left my seven month old.

Hearing phantom baby cries when you're in the shower is not uncommon. See this article.

What you're experiencing sounds like post natal anxiety. Some anxiety is normal and will pass, but I'm not sure anyone can judge over the internet what your level is like. It's good your loved ones are looking out for you and I'd take their advice over anyone here as to whether your anxiety levels seem normal or not.

I didn't leave mine until she was 6 months old and I HAD to go back to work!

Now I only leave her at nursery or with my mum. Other people have offered to have her but I say no! I do not want to leave her as I love being with her!

6 weeks is tiny. Your instinct is screaming at you for a reason. Don’t feel like you need to leave the baby unless you want to. I’ve only been away from my 2 year old for more than a couple of hours a handful of times.

Don’t leave her if you don’t want to. It’s a modern convention for people to appear to be back to leading their normal lives within weeks and going around saying ‘oh have you not left them yet? I’ve been out on the lash, to the cinema, had my nails done and trekked to Peru’.

I didn’t have my son so I could leave him being cared for by other people. Don’t be pressurised.

However I do agree that a break is good, in the early days my mum and dad (our only babysitters really) watched him in the house so I could do jobs and generally lie on the bed upstairs. Gradually I went out to do bits of jobs etc. They then have babysat a few nights so me and hubby could have time together. I still don’t leave him with them for more than a few hours or an evening and he’s 7 months.
I’ve been happy to leave him with hubby since birth though as he knows what he’s doing more than me!!

I still have my moments. My dad (who hasn’t changed a nappy in his life) took him for a walk on Sunday and I was beside myself the whole time ha.

When you say leave her for more than 10 mins. Have you left her for longer whilst being in the house?
I'm a little concerned that (although she might mean leaving the house), your mum is trying to encourage you to sleep?
Does LO nap in the day? Do you do your own thing in the house then?