Parenting .... for introverts

[MaraScottie]

Hi all you fellow introverts,
This thread was inspired by another active one about how difficult and relentless parenting can be. A couple of posters mentioned that they were introverts and founds aspects of parenting really hard as a result. Speaking as a typical introvert ....

• I stay up rediculously late every night craving that quiet 'me' time. Hence perma-tired.
• I am constantly planning ahead so I can grab that 10 minute coffee break, or making excuses to 'fold the washing' upstairs to get some alone time.
• The constant talking and endless questions fry my brain.
• I have used childcare/school pickup excuses to work a day a week from home, but it's mainly to recharge away from people.
• The 5am starts when the kids were babies used to kill me. I despise waking up and having to talk or interact straight away. Give me just 7 mins in bed with a coffee and I can then be 'on'.

Can anyone else relate?

I really relate to this OP. The only thing that keeps me sane is WFH a few days a week. Otherwise the lack of headspace from the incessant demands on me can make me feel very stressed indeed.

Yup. I am trying to teach DD to play by herself for short periods (she's two) - it's hard going. She wants to chat, I obviously want to encourage those skills and don't want to reject her, but I need 5 minutes in my own head. And then she goes to bed and DH comes home and wants to chat about his day.

The thing that bothers me most isn’t a lack of alone time.

I find it very difficult to maintain friendships. I make friends quite easily - people seem to like me - but I don’t maintain much contact, which makes me seem like an absolute dick and as a result I have barely any mum friends.

That’s fine - for me. I’m happy with that as I don’t need much in the way of socialising. But I worry that DS, who seems so far to be quite extroverted, is going to miss out because of my inadequacies. I don’t want him to be the kid with the weird mum who doesn’t get invited to parties.

I genuinely worry about this quite a lot and whenever we have a party for DS I stress that nobody will come.

My God I just noticed all these replies now, it's like reading something I wrote myself I can really relate.

@TheSubtleArt, your first tip is ingenious!!!

With the Christmas crazy season starting, my social calendar is uncomfortably full between now and the end of the year. I think I've 3 social engagements next week so I'm trying to psych myself up.

Does anyone sometimes feel a bit of relief after a catch up with a friend or a group of friends ... it means it'll be a few weeks or months until the next one, even when they're dear friends (I feel awful saying that) I need to pace myself!

Does anyone sometimes feel a bit of relief after a catch up with a friend or a group of friends ... it means it'll be a few weeks or months until the next one, even when they're dear friends

Completely agree lol
ive even got home, flopped on couch and done the whole "phew, thats done for a bit now"

I'm really struggling to parent and work full time in an open plan office eo surrounded by noise. I often have customers coming in with complaints, crying, angry, stressed out. I feel absolutely zonked when i get home at 6. I fall asleep at 8 to wake at 5 for a quiet hour before the house wakes up. I don't spend much time with my dc and I can't even concentrate.
My ideal work environment would be alone and no human interaction, 4 days per week.... but.. MONEY!
Being an introverted parent is really hard. I need solitude to recharge and love my own company, very sensitive to noise...i worry that my dc will think i dont love them because i spend time alone and relish it over their company sometimes.

I didn't think the noise sensitivity was related but it seems to be common among introverts.

I hate what I call "double noise". Like if I was in a cafe and both the tv and radio were playing, or at home when the kids are playing with a noisy toy and the tv is on, it's like my head implodes a little. aving a conversation on top of all that is just not possible and I get so irritable! I'm always turning down TV's in other people's houses, it must seem so rude

Thank you @MaraScottie for starting this thread. I completely agree with everything you've said and was starting to feel worried about why I'm like this. Starting to question, am I preventing my dcs from creating normal relationships with people and as a result making them extremely introverted/socially anxious? Wishing I wasn't so drained by everyday conversation.

I've felt so pressured to have mum friends. Especially when I was a SAHM (now work part time).

And have also felt that relief after a play date that I won't have to do it for a couple of weeks again. Like I've ticked it off my list

I've luckily got a very good friend who's the exact same, we're really open about it with each other and sometimes it goes months without seeing each other and we live 10 mins away. It has zero impact on our friendship and we both appreciate the friendship a lot!

I've recently had to distance myself from one mum friend who is also a week colleague and absolutely draining, the constant WhatsApp's and every time I'd reply it would PING again because she'd reply immediately, having to work closely with her, then after a play date she wants to carry on discussing the morning pinging more WhatsApp's my way. She also plans a full on day outing instead of a couple of hours for a walk/coffee or something and takes it to heart if I only want to meet for a couple of hours, we live around the corner from each other so that whole day outing seem extreme to me....Agghhhhhh!

I'm feeling slightly more "normal" now though after reading this thread!

I love this thread even though I'm not a mum I'm a full time Nanny and I have so much respect for all you introvert parents. Long baths have to be essential!

I find it very difficult to maintain friendships. I make friends quite easily - people seem to like me - but I don’t maintain much contact, which makes me seem like an absolute dick and as a result I have barely any mum friends

Yeah I relate to this a lot! The effort of replying to messages seems overwhelming at times. DD2 is so full-on and takes up a lot of headspace, I have nothing left for anyone else. I just enjoy being left alone.
I recently loved into my own house with my DDs and when they go to their dads, the silence is literally delicious and blissful. I have no inclination to socialise on the nights they are away.

Maybe when DD2 is older and a bit more chilled, I’ll want to socialise more.
There is a 10 year gap between my DDs so I feel I should make some mum friends so DD2 will have company.....