8 year old doesn't believe any more - what to say?!

[Josie1968]

Hi everyone

My 8 year old daughter said to me a few weeks ago 'I have something to tell you - FC isn't real!' Apparently a friend of hers from school has told her this. I was so shocked that I just mumbled something (along the lines of 'you don't believe in him?? I still believe in him!) and then changed the subject …! I don't think I handled it well at all.... :o

It's not really been mentioned since, however she has reverted to talking about FC again, ie what she would like of him etc. but to me it doesn't feel the same now and feel she is just humouring me!!!

I just wondered how others have handled this situation, I was really hoping she would believe a bit longer than she has - my two sons believed until they were about 10 years old so I was hoping the magic would last longer than this and I feel a little bit sad about it. I absolutely love Christmas and feel it won't be the same if she is not believing any more :(

Any ideas on what to do / say will be much appreciated

Thanks

Josie

We turned it into a joke so still talked about Santa and what they would bring even though we all knew he doesnt exist. They still get their stocking and surprise presents

I've never believed in FC and I adore Christmas. The gift giving and the food and family and the lights and the music and the myths and the stories and the traditions and the books and ohhhh, it's so much more than a bearded dude in a sleigh. And in the kindest possible way, her experience of a myth should not make or break your enjoyment of an entire festival.

8 is a perfectly acceptable age to find out, start creating the new Christmases you will enjoy from now on.

This was going to happen at some point anyways, maybe you can talk about fc as being part of the Christmas magic or a nice story to make xmas so special. I think the main thing is for yourself to start finding other magical or fun aspects of Christmas that aren't to do with santa. And then share that with your dd.

Say nothing and carry on.

It's not about how you feel.

Kids that age will hear different view points, and will be torn what to believe.

My dad would go downstairs first to check that Santa was (and make a big song and dance about it) until I was around 19. It's one of my fondest memories of Christmas.

I think it’s quite normal around this age - ranging from about 8,9,10 that children start to question it/ hear others say it’s not real. Still, I think many 8 year olds, even if they have doubt or don’t believe any more at all like to go along with it and pretend just for fun so I would just take her lead with it. We all grow up and get over it - I haven’t met any adult yet who has been scarred for life because they discovered Santa, the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy weren’t real.

Maybe it’s high time to teach her the real meaning of Christmas - the celebration of the birth of Christ? You could also explain that Santa Claus was also a real person. He was bishop of Smyrna and later canonised as St Nicholas. He used to throw gold coins in at the windows of poor families, so their daughters would have a dowry to marry. The Santa Claus tradition grew from that.
You could also explain that the best gift of all at Christmas was God’s gift of his son to the world.
Your DD might enjoy going to the always moving and often sweetly funny children’s Nativity service at her local church, performed by the Sunday school kids, and singing along with some great carols.
My own DDs relished many roles - they’ve played everything from angels (they got into a fight during the performance, broken up by the vicar, at which they shouted angrily “The shepherds started it!” - the congregation had hysterics!) to a wicked Herod talking to the Wise Men via a mobile phone from his palace!
When she’s older, she might enjoy the mysticism and wonder of the Watchnight service, when we wait in candlelight for the church clock to strike midnight and usher in the joy of Christmas, at which we all exchange hugs and blessings. So much more important and lasting than a tawdry commercialised fake Santa Claus.

I think 8 is plenty old enough to know that Santa isn’t real. Christmas can still be magical

I just told mine the truth when they realised and 8 is about right. That father christmas is real in the essence of the 'magic of Christmas' but not in the style of an actual man delivering the presents!

Most kids don’t actually believe that vampires and witches exist, but love Halloween.

FC is as much a cultural thing as an actual belief. You can play at believing in Santa and have just as much fun. Kids play make believe games all the time.

No one in this house has believed in FC since they were about 3 or 4, but we still put out stockings and sacks , and we still leave a sack outside the teens bedroom door overnight.

Have fun with an extended make believe game.

I wish more people celebrated imagination and games rather than this desperate need to preserve a ludicrous pretence.

I recently heard my 8 yr old grandson telling 10 yr old sister that FC isn't real ....she was horrified and argued the point of course ! I had to deal with it since I was there on the spot. I just said that everyone believes in different things , and that FC is very real to some people, but not to others. I said that it's all to do with magic , and being generous and kind to one another. That seemed to satisfy both sides of the argument !

You smile and say “you’re in on the secret now” and discuss how to make it fun for those who believe. Mine both worked it out aged 6 (not sure my dd ever did believe anyway) and that’s what we went with. Hasn’t spoiled anything about Christmas at all and we all still love it.

@Babdoc your Christmas sounds lovely. I don't agree that it's the true meaning of the festival personally, but it does sound fab.

My 9 year old still believes in FC and the tooth fairy. It worries the hell out of me. If she suddenly twigged the truth I would feel nothing but relief.

Thanks for all the replies everyone!! I’ll have a think about it, there’s some good ideas and suggestions 😄😄

I believed until I was 10.. think it was an only child thing. I remember the Christmas I knew being so disappointing but only for that year and then I just enjoyed the prezzies & family time!

I’d say you either handle it by saying her friend must be wrong & what do you think daughter? Not all tales told by friends are to be believed!

Or, you tell her the truth but make it seem like a secret club of truth knowing and that Christmas is still amazing!

I always think it must be a bit tougher these days as info is so much more readily available online & kids seem more grown up than when I was a kid!

My dc is 8 and earlier this year told me he knows it’s me and his dad. I was chatting to him yesterday and told him that now he knows the secret he helps to keep the magic alive for those that still believe. Also reminded him you never tell another child that there is no Santa.
This year my 2 dcs will be choosing a gift for a child for the Salvation Army’s toy appeal.

Dd12 has said she doesn't believe any more and therefore neither does dd10. Ive told them they can believe what they like but they won't change my mind or ds's that he isn't real. I've told them not to put their stockings out but they were horrified at that idea