Normal or baby blues

[Babybluesornormal]

I know what I would say to another poster.

At this moment I’m really struggling. I have a 3.5 yrs old and a 4 month. I had PTSD after the birth of first and anxiety in the run up 2nd birth.

4th old is ebf with allergies. Bottle refuser but due to allergies I don’t want to introduce formula anyway. DH does not believe she has an allergy. Probably just CMPA, the same as her older sister. Baby will only sleep at night in my arms and during the day in a sling. I love the baby but feel trapped.

3.5 year old is in morning nursery. She is superstar but I’m often impatient and expect to much from her and don’t have enough to give back.

All 3 of us have had some very minor health problems which I finding overwhelming.

DH leaves the house at 8.30 and is back by 5.15. He does bedtime with 3 yr old which I feel guilty about and I miss her. We have cleaners who come once a week. Online shopping so things should be manageable but they are not. I feel isolated and overwhelmed.

I hate my post baby body but I don’t have the time to do anything about it. I’m struggling to eat healthily and I’m finding the allergy restrictions (dairy and soya) tricky.

I don’t know if it’s just sleep deprivation and adjusting to a new life or something more. I feel like I don’t have the energy or time to seek help.

I totally, totally feel for you.

Firstly, have you spoken to the GP about her possible allergies? There is some useful information on Allergy UK and they have a helpline too. The allergies section on MN can be useful for support for a DF/SF diet too

Has she ever been checked properly for tongue tie too? Have a read of the link and see if any of the signs are familiar.

Are you managing to get to any BFing support groups too? I found them really helpful, even if it was just to have a cuppa and some adult company. You should be able to find your nearest BFibg Support Group through this link

Thanks. She is under a paediatrician who thinks it is not an allergy but since I’ve gone dairy/soya free her reflux/extremely large vomits have stopped apart from 3 times I’ve slipped up. It could be age related improvement but I don’t think so.

Tongue tie has not been properly assessed only by HV looking her mouth. I’m not sure how to go about getting it checked properly.

Bf groups are tricky as lots of them are over nursery pick up time. The same with many baby groups.

Sorry, I posted too soon.

Next the sleep, while it is perfectly normal for a 4 month old to wake more, there are things you can do. Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution?

Now for you. You seem quite hard on yourself. You've had a traumatic first birth and have been left with PTSD. That's no minor thing. Did you have a debrief after the first birth? Have you ever been in touch with the Birth Trauma Association? have you received any counselling too?

As for your body, it's just grown another human and been through labour and birth, plus you are still feeding your baby. Your body is doing an absolutely amazing job. If it helps, try to get the baby in the sling and go out for a walk each day or could your DP have the baby for 15 minutes a day while you do some yoga?

As for feeling guilty while he bathes DD, Dads do need time with children too. Instead if feeling guilty try to be proud of the bond they are building

When he next has a day off, could he take them both to the park so that you could have an hour alone? If that's not possible get him to take DC1 out for the entire morning, maybe swimming and lunch?

You really, really need to prioritise yourself for a while though. If you aren't feeling good, it's going to impact on your ability to care for everyone else

Sorry, cross posted with you there. There is a list of tongue tie practitioners here.

Is there a Leche League near to you? The Leader might be willing to support you even if you don't attend the group

Thank you for your kind words. I’m feeling better today. You’re so right and sometimes you just can’t see the wood for the trees.

Lots of the things you suggested we were doing but some how stopped. I’ve managed to catch up on sleep. Im actually quite lucky that the baby doesn’t sleep badly at all for a little one but she just wants to be on me. Actually I think she still wants to be back inside me.

My local LLL leader doesn’t see people outside of group due to her own children. I will go along to the next group, it wasn’t on last month and I had a hospital appointment the month before.

I will look into getting baby assessed for tongue tie.