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Struggling with mum guilt

3 replies

mamatoizzywizzy · 31/10/2019 08:24

Hi :)
To give some context , me and my husband have an 8 month old daughter . She is our first born and we are winging this parenting thing !! (Isn't everyone?!!)

Before being a mum I worked for a charity within its membership service and it was very busy and chaotic . I would meal plan for me and my husband for the week and I would often enjoy cooking us nice healthy meals and making a nice home.

My husband works very very hard and is out from 5am-6pm and once a week he then works in the evenings too. I am at home still and unlikely to go back to work , and if I do it will just be for very part time hours .

My daughter is very time sensitive and won't nap unless I am actively walking or driving or sitting with her - this takes up large chunks of time but I am just going with it now as it's the easiest least stressful thing to do.
However , I then struggle to do anything when she is awake. I can't be bothered to think about anything - food , keeping house etc - I feel pretty brain dead - I feel numb. I can't focus on anything or enjoy cooking. I feel SO guilty that I end up cooking easy meals (potato veg and something from the freezer) or ready meals for when my husband is working during the evening. This means for my daughter, I end up either giving her some mash potato and veggies as finger foods or just Ella kitchen pouches (which she doesn't enjoy!!) . I feel SO guilty for giving her these pouches.

I feel such a rubbish mum. In my head I feel like I should have my shit together my now and meal planning and cooking healthy meals we can all eat together as a family , but I just can't be bothered and that makes me feel sad.

Am I being stupid or should I be doing more? Is it normal to have these feelings as a first time mum? I just always feel so guilty and like I'm not doing enough . Just really struggling at the moment and need a bit of a pick me up and some reassurance

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
cassidy001 · 31/10/2019 08:32

I'm on the 2 ww atm. And after reading this iama starting to think perhaps parenthood is not want it's cracked up to be. The expectations on women to turn into supermum and if they complain they get beaten by other mums. It's like u are expected to be perfect in everyday and dare you think of your self u will be attacked ruthlessly for it. I'm not so excited now to find out if I am or not:( I'm.not sure I want to join the pressure club of being miss perfect and feeling guilty for being completely human.

Mumofone1962 · 31/10/2019 08:39

Do not worry about freezer meals! You have lots on with a new baby.i found slow cooker helpful as it's minimal effort but is tasty if that's an option for you? If not don't worry at all. I am sure your baby will be fine with mash and veg, it still has vitamins and things she needs!

theruffles · 31/10/2019 11:05

One of the best pieces of advice I've been given since becoming a mum is "pick your battles". If that means choosing between dusting/hoovering or making sure your baby sleeps, then the housework can wait. The way you're feeling is completely normal. Remember too that this is just a moment in time and won't last forever, so if it means freezer meals and pouches so you can get by and manage, then that's what it is for now. There is the expectation that women should have their lives together after having a baby and carry on as before, but how can you when your life has changed completely?!

Mums feel so much guilt about the most silly things. I know I do! I've gone from feeding my LO lots of pouches, to all homemade food and now we've settled on a mix of the two because it suits our needs at the moment now I'm back at work f/t. Your LO is happy, fed and I don't think there's anything wrong with pouches/jars of food.

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