Sensory meltdown

[Henryks16]

Hey new to the site but have joined and in need of advice if possible please.
I have a 3 year old son whom is a very intelligent little boy. He’s bubbly, happy and full of personality.
However he’s a complete wild child. Not that I see that as a bad thing. I love him just as himself. We tend to keep to a strict routine with him and make sure his needs are well met. We are currently awaiting an assessment as he’s showing strong signs of adhd (dad is adhd and bipolar) and autism. He lines things up constantly, can’t have food touching or cut. No tags allowed in tops pants or trousers certain materials/ textures freak him out. He loves the feel of sponges and has his own little sponge set which we have to watch constantly as he will eat at any given chance. He hates being touched and has his own ‘rituals’ you could call it. He will spin around a certain lamppost until he feels he’s ready he has to pick a leaf from a certain bush everyday and must count any steps we go up or down. No sense of danger at all.Which we are very strict with helping him learn danger and the outcome of each situation. He physically cannot sit still and night times it breaks me. He begs for me to ‘stop his head shouting at him’ he physically cannot switch off. Loud noises freak him out and he has the automatic reflex to destroy or attack. We have bought him ear defenders to help with these situations and he has plenty of sensory items. Fidget cubes etc of which he just takes apart.
My issue is how else can I help him? It’s a huge struggle with sleep and we’re lucky to have 2/3hours a night. Doctors have currently no urge of helping... And the meltdowns of which he will turn on me and I’ve been left with some awful injuries. Split lips, black eyes, gashes on my head etc. We are doing everything we can to support him until we can get the help he desperately needs. Is there any advice on how to help him in these situations such as any step by steps i can take to help keep him calm? We speak very calmly with him give him plenty of time etc for any changes we wish to make. Like 5 more goes with that game and we will do something else.
He’s such a sweet and loving little boy. An only child. I just wish I knew how to help him more.
Thank you.

You sound like a really loving and kind mum.

Does he have a calm / safe / cosy space he can go to at home?

I teach an autism course to parents if you wanted to reach out for info x

Hey yes we have his own personal space set up for him. He has his ‘special quite tent’ in which only he can go into. Everyone else is ‘banned’. We absolutely adore our little wild child and would do anything for him. So his tent his tent is his only. He has his special pillow in there and a few sensory items for him to fiddle with if he feels he needs it. He will allow someone to sit by the tent as long as there is no touching which is absolutely fine with us. He had a complete meltdown on a train today as I don’t drive and wanted to take him swimming he couldn’t handle the noise and all the people laughing and talking. I put his ear defenders on him gave him a fidget cube and just sat and held him and hummed his favourite songs until it was safe to move him. Just unsure as to how to deal with the attacks. He doesn’t understand after it’s all happened why mommy’s hurt or something is broken. And then he’s upset because he wants to know who has hurt his mommy so we tend to tell him ‘oh silly mommy stop falling over’ is this the correct approach? I don’t like the idea of him knowing he has caused the damage as it upsets him more if he knows it’s his ‘fault’

That sounds wonderful how would I go about something like this? My area is exactly helpful in helping me learn all about autism adhd etc. It’s more so my own research and the fact his dad has adhd himself and my wonderful mother in law works in safeguarding families and children so she’s an absolute credit to how to help us help him

Read up a bit about sensory input ended the different sensory needs some children have. You can get weighted vests and a type of constrictive/tight vest. I know it sounds ridiculous but I believe these can really help if the not sitting still is driven be sensory needs. Then try and build in activities that fulfil those needs. I'm not an expert but read some information on this recently through work and it made so much sense when thinking of some of the children I've cone across!

My son absolutely hates being restricted. It can me a nightmare getting clothes on him most days because he feels restricted in them so I’m unsure if a weight vest would have any effect. We’re constantly on the move with him to keep him going to try avoid any form of meltdown. Even sitting to play games we get up so far in to do a ‘jiggle dance’ let it all out and then go back to playing else he would start because he doesn’t stay still for more than a second

@Lorilee93 Do you have any Early Intervention programmes in the area you live?

I think we do however when I say no one will help literally no one will help us. I’m hoping the letters written to health visitors and that will finally get us the help we need for him because it’s becoming really draining. I just wish I knew how to help him in the best possible way.

@Lorilee93 Unfortunately the common theme in all the parents I teach, they ALL say that they've had to fight for their children all the way. Nothing just comes, it's always the parents that have to push. Especially with SEN support in schools, EHCPs, assessments, diagnosis etc.
Look up Laurie Morgen on YouTube, she's inspirational.
There's loads you can do following diagnosis, create sensory maps, triggers, find comforting rituals, social stories are incredible for preparation and growing up.

Thank you so much. There has been plenty of pushing to try get him the help he needs they just have no get up and go to even try help us. But hopefully we will get there im aware we’re in for the long wait but as long as it’s the support he needs it’s all that matters. I will look her up and thank you never heard of a sensory map but will give it ago! We’ve got the lid on certain triggers for him so we’re doing it day by day as best we can. Thank you so much for the help

@Lorilee93 Honestly, logging things like a detective to find clues, it works. There's sensory stuff that we wouldn't even think of. Wet fingers, being cold/hot can sometimes feel like being on fire or in ice for some children with sensory needs - hence the meltdown.
Communication cards, social stories and the "iceberg theory" around behaviour. Look it all up online. Barbados have great resources too.
If you need anything else just shout!

I was going to suggest a weighted blanket for bed time.

I have just done a workshop for sensory processing and one of the main things that stood out was that ear defenders aren't as highly recommended anymore compared to earphones or being able to play sounds or music. The theory being that removing all audio with the defenders is great but actually then intensifies sounds when they come off.

We also have a fidget bum who cannot sit still so are looking into a move'n'sit cushion to use sparingly as it will give the feedback he needs to stay in one place but be able to pay attention to other things as well.

We've had great success recently when ds is getting really wound up by hanging him upside by his ankles then lowering his hands to the floor so he walks as a wheelbarrow. The engaging of muscles/joints/ligaments again provides a lot of sensory information that fills the void for him.

I've got quite a few handouts still so can send copies if you p.m. me

You could ask this to be moved to the SN (Special Needs) Children Board, as there are a lot of posters with similar experiences, further down the line.
There is also a good book called The Out of Synch Child and The Out of Synch Child Has Fun that you might like to read.

I can also recommend Vit D3 drops for children, and lots of being outside to help with the sleep patterns.
Melatonin which can only be prescribed by a paediatrician I think is often helpful for getting children off to sleep.
Winding down routines for a child who is hyper stimulated/cannot switch off might not look like the same as the routine for a neurotypical toddler. A very very long bath for example with lots of sensory play and very little washing (more like being in a swimming pool) long before bedtime itself (my ds2 hated showers) a room with no toys in it, or bright colours, you lying in bed with him (we used an adult sized single so we could always get in when doing bedtime routine or reading a book to him) the same books, often quite long winded books with not much adventure or excitement but rhythm and familiar story. Lots of non fiction books on trucks and trains and lorries at bedtime, rather than fantasy stories. Ds2 also had luminous stars on the ceiling.carbs at bedtime, a snack like a banana and some toast, or milk. I also used to sing my children to sleep, mostly the same songs, nothing Disney or exciting, more LIttle Boy Blue or Boys and Girls Come out To Play, Nursery Rhyme songs. They didn't sing, they listened at bedtime.
In the day we did lots of singing and dancing and running around, so bedtime we avoided those things or playing or long drawn out stories. Ds2 (who has autism and now 17) woke v early (6am) but went to bed with this routine at about 7 or 8 pm. He usually woke once or twice in the night and co-slept at 3 but settled well in bed with us, and importantly went to bed in his own bed at 730-8pm.

If your little boy isn't getting much sleep he will be chronically tired and this will be affecting his impulse control as well as any underlying autism or adhd, hence the meltdowns. So working on his sleep routine will have incredible benefits, before you work on other stuff, he literally will not be able to control his responses if he is so tired, like you or I when we are knackered.

For us, it was exercise, fresh air, and sleep routines. Otherwise our lives were quite boringly samey, we didn't do many expeditions or do much which wasn't ordinary and local. Ds went to a Montessori Nursery for 3 hours in the morning in term time aged 3. Daycare would have been out of the question. He had a nap every afternoon for an hour and half at that age. We walked to nursery (half a mile) and back most days.