Lonely with 15 month old

[Curlyeyelash]

I'm a 24 year old mum to a gorgeous little daughter who is over 15 months. Currently sat up with her in the living room as she sometimes wakes during the night and takes a couple hours to settle back down.

I have to admit I'm not feeling too good. Coming down with a sore throat and cold, we literally just moved house yesterday, and today my partner just played video games all day (he ordinarily works 40 hours a week but he booked time off to move house) whilst I unpacked boxes and tried to get as much stuff done as possible with a young baby following me about.

I just feel really lonely and exhausted. I moved over 200 miles to be with my partner whilst I was expecting so I no longer see my own family much, maybe once a year. My partner is at work from 11am to 7pm but he has to commute to work which adds another couple hours to that.

I'm alone all day, obviously I have my lovely little girl but she's not the best for grown up conversation aha. When my partners not at work he obsessively plays video games and barely helps with our daughter, does little to no housework, and doesn't prepare meals. Oftenly he games with a headset on so he can talk to his friends, but that means he doesn't even hear me talking half the time.

I'm getting really lonely and my confidence has really dropped. It just hit me hard as I'm coming down with the flu and here I am sat up all alone with our daughter whilst he sleeps soundly in a comfy bed.

Sorry I just wanted to rant and maybe get some sympathy aha!

@Curlyeyelash I'm really sorry you feel lonely. Loneliness is hideous and I really feel for you. It can make you feel so empty. You don't need me to say this, but your DP sounds like a bit of an arse. Could you have a chat and see if he can cut his gaming down? Also, are there any groups locally that you could go to with your little one? To help get you out and meet people?

Your partner isn’t helping much, have a word about perhaps checking back into your relationship a little more.

Also give him a couple of jobs that are solely his responsibility... I met my now husband 12 years ago and lived with him at About your age similar set up .( except no kids just had our first )!.. 3 years in I let all helL Loose about me doing everything ( couldn’t work the washing machine yet ) he is now Still the sole one to clean carpets and clean the oven 😂 he also does a full days work and will share the putting baby to bed / clean up so if I put him to bed he will tidy toys / hoover and then we try to grab some us time ... but he is about 10 years older than your partner and 10 years ago he would have done the same ... it took communication and perhaps me loosing my cool when that failed to make home understand ( and yes 15 month olds are hard wonderful work )

If you join your new local area Facebook group perhaps ask about clubs etc? So you can get out break up the day and meet new people?

It can be terribly lonely being a mum It feels like your identity just flys out the window and I totally get your loss of confidence but you are still who you were and don’t forget there are other lonely mums out there all pretending they got their shit together when in reality they are surviving on coffee and hope

You sound lovely and your bloke sounds like a man child.
The dead of night when you're feeling I'll and have just moved a long way would make anyone feel like that.
Can I ask why you accept his gaming for this length of time? Why is it only your job to unpack? Can you tell him to help and look after you a bit?
Focus on getting better for now and see what local groups you can join.
You will find lots of support/similar threads on here.
Get well soon.

I have asked him to cut down his gaming which he has sort of been trying to do (although at first he said he would give me 1 night a week when he doesn't game but I wasn't comfortable with that).

I love him and we're very close really but seem to have drifted apart (especially with his gaming being so constant). I don't feel desirable any more as moments we could spend together whilst our daughter is asleep, he picks the xbox.

Honestly I feel like I could just cry.

You need to have another chat with him. Tell him honestly how you feel and agree on an Xbox schedule and stick to it.
Ideally, he should only go on it once he’s spent time with his family and helped with some housework. The weekends should be more time with family mostly.
Does he get home at 9?

As for yourself, look online and find your nearest library and toddler playgroups. There are often activities at libraries like story time and and you could meet other mums with similar aged dc.
Look at toddler swim sessions at the local pool. Just have a look in your local area and see what there is and then just get chatting to people.

Hi @beechview yes he does get home around 9. Usually he starts gaming almost straight away until around 12.30 by which point I have gone to bed.

Thank you for your tips I will look into local things I can get involved in. I suppose I should have more agency with these things, although it has been hard finding the time with a first baby and far from my own family. Will definitely try to be more positive and independent anyhow.