help for dads?

[BlackBerry88]

Ok so we had a baby very recently by emergency section, as you can imagine I was doing everything I thought was right, literally everything for a while due to mum not being mobile. Then dealing with the visitors, shopping, cleaning, cooking, driving etc etc. Even now I do most nappy changes etc now when I suggest anything to mum or ask if she can do this one it's instant mardy. Because of the operation everyone always asks hows mum and hows baby, vary rarely ask about dad. Is this usual? Should I put my foot down a bit more or would I then be seen as the bad one? Over the last few days I've probably had less sleep than mum.

She might be struggling due to the c section maybe? Could she be in pain? Do you think she's bonding with the baby? Unfortunately it does all become about the mum and baby especially at the beginning. Have you tried talking to her? You need to look after yourself as well to be the best dad you can be.

Hi! I had an emergency section 5 months ago and like you, my partner had to do so much in the beginning as I could barely walk and was in so much pain for a good few weeks. How recent is 'recently'? Because if it's early days I can totally understand why you are still doing the bulk of the work. It really is unfair that nobody ever asks how dad is. You need to speak to your partner and tell her how you feel. No good will come of bottling it up. You should be working as a team to do the hardest job ever of parenting!

Hmm...depends really. How long ago was the c-sec? It's major abdominal surgery so I'd imagine the recovery period is quite long. Added to that the emotional dump that accompanies birth she is probably feeling pretty shitty atm.

Put your foot down with her or other people? Are you on paternity leave or back at work?

Somewhat confused with the statement 'Over the last few days I've probably had less sleep than mum.'

If this wasn't the case then you are definitely being unreasonable.

You are both parents, one of you has just had major surgery.

Who do you think should have the most opportunity to sleep?

Who do you think should be the first one to see to baby?

I know what I think.

Going forward, it should be shared - but only after recovery from major surgery

'

How recently are we talking?

As someone who had two c-sections, I think she really needs to be getting her rest right now. She has had major abdominal surgery. If it was emergency c-section, it's also been unplanned and she probably has a lot of psychological issues afterwards as well.

That being said, in the early days you need to work as a team. Work in shifts, one is up with the baby and the other one sleeps. Both do yourselves a favour. Tell the visitors to bugger off, sod the cleaning, order lots of takeaways and forget about cleaning for a few weeks. Having been through it all twice, the first few weeks with a new born baby are about survival. Just getting through each day at the moment should be the aim.

It was about a month ago, the sleep thing doesn't bother me so much but the complaints of not getting any do

4 weeks post op and following a long pregnancy, I'd expect you to still shoulder a fair whack of the grunt work when you aren't at work.

My DH went back to work after three weeks Parental Leave following my emergency C Section and I realised that I had never changed a nappy! I couldn't even bend over to pick the baby up. I was even EBF and DH was helping with that, so he was as sleep deprived as I was. He shouldered everything cheerfully, without any complaint.

I don't think I did any cooking or serious housework until mine was 4 months old. I'd cut her some slack for now