Scared I have PND or just adjusting to newborn life?

[Babycakes1989]

Hi everybody. I have a 3 week old baby boy who I love dearly and is my rainbow baby after a miscarriage that broke our hearts last year. I had anxiety on and off throughout the pregnancy of him due to worrying about him being okay etc etc. It got better towards the due date where I relaxed the more I felt him moving about.

3 weeks in I’m starting to feel quite low. I still feel like this is all too good to be true and almost like I’m babysitting someone else’s baby and I look at him and can’t believe he’s mine. I’m too scared to tell my husband incase he freaks out. I’ve never had feelings of not being able to go on or hopelessness but I do dread night time due to the exhaustion and lack of sleep and I do miss being able to keep up with the housework and being in control which has obviously. changed! It’s hard work trying to leave the house with a newborn but I am trying to still get out and about it’s just all such an effort on zero sleep.

I don’t really know if this is because it’s my first week without my husband who’s gone back to work and was incredible during the first few weeks or if I am having PND which I feel incredibly sad about If I am concidering the journey and heartbreak we had to get our rainbow boy who once again I adore. Yet I know PND is common and I shouldn’t feel bad.

It’s such a mixture of feelings. What should I do and is someone else in the same boat or has been? Xx

If I was you I would speak to my health visitor, hey are better trained to assess the difference

Sounds very normal to me. Mine are older teens now but exhaustion and hormonal changes are hard. My HV was very good at monitoring me; I was always borderline PND. At 5 months it felt like the clouds cleared. Talk about it, please don’t hide. A good chat and some help will really make a difference.

Congrats on your baby, first of all! A newborn is hard graft, relentless and at times soul destroying, combined with zero sleep it would make anyone feel rubbish. BUT I can tell you there will be plenty of mums on here who will say that you are not alone, because you aren't. Be honest about how you feel, with your DH and your HV. Hand on heart....it will get easier, it really does. Tiny steps at a time. Is baby fed, clean nappy, warm and safe? Then that's all that matters! Hoovering and cleaning can wait. Have you thought about finding some local mums and babies groups? Coffee mornings, NCT Newcomers meet ups? Or the local children's centre, they usually have coffee and "play" time. Good luck, you will get there!

Absolutely agree.

Thank you 💙 I will speak to my health visitor on my next meeting. I have lots of friends and new mums I’ve met along the way who I haven’t quite yet opened up to fully but maybe this will help too. I know I’m doing a good job - he comes first now. I guess as this is my first I just naively thought it was all sunshine and rainbows! There are heart melting moments where I feel relaxed usually when he’s sleeping haha! But I wasn’t prepared (is anyone!) for the really hard bits where I’m really being put to the test. I appreciate all of your comments so thank you 💙 xx

Doesn’t sound worrying to me. I loved being a mum but it was HARD in those early days. I remember crying when DH drove away in his first day back to work. It’s all-consuming and rightfully so. Sounds like you’re doing a great job at caring for your baby, you just need to open up so others can care for you.

Sounds very similar to how I felt. I also had a rainbow after many miscarriages, and I think sometimes the pressure to be grateful can make you feel as though you shouldn't complain. But I found of lot of the early months difficult, which I think os completely normal and fine - but it's important to talk about it, because if you let it fester you might end up feeling worse. I think you're describing how most new mums feel, but it can be a fine line, so it's good to talk about it.

This sounds really normal to me OP. It is hard in the early days, especially when DH goes back to work and you're on your own for most of the day. Please don't worry about the housework! Your job at the moment is to care for your baby, not to tidy up.

Yes people don’t tell you just how hard it is. I envisaged catching up on Netflix and finally sorting through all my messy cupboards and putting together photo albums while my well rested newborn slept for hours on end. Instead I couldn’t put him down and he screamed for weeks and I felt exhaustion like never before. It’s normal and I’m angry that nobody warned me!

He is also our rainbow baby after an horrific experience, and he was premature and spent weeks in special care before coming home so it made me really sad and guilty that I couldn’t enjoy him more and that i found looking after him so difficult. I didn’t go out until about two or three weeks after my hubby went back to work. Just focused on getting through the day. Once I did get out and about and got a little routine going things did get much better. He’s 7 months now and while still hard work he’s my little sidekick. Going to classes saves my sanity!

I don’t worry about anything else in the daytime other than looking after him. Housework etc doesn’t matter. I love him more than anything in the world but I know it’s ok to find it hard sometimes.

It’s good to talk so please don’t keep it all bottled up. Make sure you speak to you partner about your feelings, you’re a team and I have no idea what I’d have done without hubby’s support. And chat to your HV too who can provide some professional advice.

Please speak to your health visitor about how you're feeling, just in case. And DP too.

But 3 weeks is such early days, I think shock is normal. You also have plenty of time to get out and about, get a routine, go to baby groups and mums coffee mornings, keep up with the housework - if doing those things are helping you great, but don't feel like you should. Snuggling in bed or on the sofa with baby all day with a bag of snacks and drinks, sleeping when she sleeps, is totally fine too.