Why won't my newborn sleep?

[mum29919]

I have a three week old baby and he just doesn't seem to want to sleep, I thought newborns should be sleeping 16-18 hours a day so I'm worried he's not getting the rest he needs. Last night he went to sleep at about 21:30 after a feed and slept until 00:30, had another feed and slept till 3:30. He's been awake pretty much since then, he'll sleep for ten minutes at a time or drop off and startle himself awake. I can't get anything done and I'm knackered myself so he must be! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Newborns don't tend to sleep for long as they haven't fully developed REM yet. So although they do sleep for a massive part of the day, it's only short spouts. What you've described sounds really normal. It will get better I promise. I was like you 5 months ago but it has got so much better. Good luck.

That's incredibly young. Newborns font really sleep. They doze for short spells, wake up for food, like and look at you and interact, cry if they have wind or general tummy ache and then repeat the cycle. Babies have tiny tummies so the amount if milk they can hold us small and not enough to keep them full for any significant time to sleep properly either.
Eoth a newborn baby I generally wouldn't be expecting to do normal things, give yourself a break, you've just had a baby. Plenty of us don't even surface from zombie land for a fair few months after birth. What you're experiencing sounds normal. If you have family or friends who can help out a bit then graciously accept, but overall dont worry. It will pass.

Sleep? Risky. You might wander off without him. No, he can't take that chance. Just hold him a lot and trust that in another fourteen years you'll be asking us why he doesn't crawl out of bed until 2pm.

You don't need to get anything done. You're supposed to be lying around with the baby. Other people can get things done. If no-one helps, leave whatever it is until he starts school. It will be fine.

Assuming you're on formula by the length of time between feeds. If it was breast you could stop timing, and just offer the nipple whenever he wants it.

Just me who is thinking 2 lots of 3 hour stretches of sleep at night would be glorious?!

Things will fall into place OP, babies are all different.

So you wouldn't be worried he's been awake for six hours straight? No naps at all? He's really unsettled and keeps crying, I'm sure he's over tired but I can't get him to sleep. I'm mix feeding, he had a really bad tongue tie and wouldn't take a nipple after we had it done so I'm expressing and making up with formula so although he gets two three hour stretches of sleep at night, I don't as I have to express once he's settled!

Hmm. That woman who comes to the house (the midwife after birth, not the HV - it was a long time ago) let me into a secret. She said 'Sometimes, they're asleep and you can't tell'! Whether that was bs or not, I don't know.

I think he's probably unsettled because he's new, he doesn't know his arse from his elbow, he's had tongue tie and he hasn't got his servants trained yet. On top of his instinctive desire to keep you on your toes so wolves don't get him, and to keep you close so you don't forget him. It's hard being a baby. Keep him close and stroke him a lot.

Oh, shut up, Patty. Nobody cares about you and your old ways.

Have you tried swaddling? That helps to stop them startling themselves awake when they do drop off. Also worth trying a white noise app on your phone.

Use a sling for naps for a few days/ weeks to get over the overtiredness. Max 1.5 hours awake, then pop in sling for an hour. Then swaddle, white noise, inclined mattress for night time sleeping. Or co sleep if you’re comfortable doing that.

My DS likes to be held close a lot. He's 15 weeks now and his favourite position is on my shoulder with his head nestled right into my neck.
He slept a lot during newborn days but now he won't sleep at all through the day really. He might sleep for an hour. If I put him in his favourite position he would sleep for hours but if I try to move him to his chair he has none of it! 🙈😂

Thanks everybody, swaddling seems to be a game changer! I had tried it when he was brand new but he hated it, so glad I tried again!

My DS is 7 weeks tomorrow and when he was about 3 weeks he was exactly the same as your DS. If it makes you feel any better (or optimistic that things might get better!) Last night he slept from 9-3, straight back to sleep after a feed then didn't wake until 6 this morning when DH got up for work - it does get better! I remember feeling the same as you. He hated being swaddled and would kick a blanket off so I would spend all night putting it back and making sure he wasn't cold, then he'd be awake again!

I'd say that now he's big enough for a sleeping bag that's made a massive difference, he must be more comfortable.

It will get better! Xxx

Thank you! That is very comforting to know! xxx

Does he sleep in a sling or on your chest? 3 weeks old is really the time for watching Netflix all day with baby conked on your chest. Or failing that bouncing gently on exercise ball with baby in sling while watching Netflix.

Swaddle is also great when they get so overtired they can't drop off. My first would get hysterically overtired and overstimulated - I'd take him into a dark room, swaddle him, put him against my shoulder and pat his back rhythmically, maybe with a bit of sshhing or white noise. He'd fight the swaddle for about a minute and be asleep within 5.

Try downloading the "white noise baby" app, lots of good options. Babies like their white noise LOUD. They're used to your heartbeat and internal noises all around them.

He'll sleep on my chest, I haven't tried a sling yet but I have one so I'll give that a go tomorrow. I'm not really one for sitting watching Netflix all day and my partner works away a lot so I'm on my own most of the tine but I think I have to accept I can't do much for the next few weeks and enjoy the cuddles while I can x

Mine barely slept at all. I remember a week after we brought her home, she stayed up straight through for 48 hours, and screamed for 8 hours without stopping (brought her to A&E, was so worried).

It ended up being a combination of colic/reflux and a vicious circle of getting over-tired and not being able to sleep. GP and health nurse were useless, no practical advice at all.

It does get better though, I promise, it just takes time, lots of holding and comforting, rocking, wearing in sling, swaddling... oh and don't believe what you read online about babies sleeping 16-18 hours.

Also as pp pointed out and I forgot! DS also has colic which didn't help at all. We bottle feed as he has a tongue tie and can't latch, so changed to a colic and comfort milk and it's done wonders! Don't know if you're breast or bottle feeding but if bottle it might be something to consider xxx

If you add up all the little naps he has it probably will come to a lot, but newborns don't sleep for long stretches at a time. Which makes it so exhausting. I think just how exhausting is a surprise for all new mums. You will get used to it though and it will become your new normal for a while.
I found with my first child I got so frustrated that she wouldn't sleep as much as I thought she should for my second I just accepted I would be very tired for a long time and I actually felt better.

deff agree with the swaddling and wearing a sling, and I also found on unsettled days that returning to skin on skin contact worked a treat too. They have an awful lot of insecurities as newborns that often only mums touch and sound can ease.

I would also add to feed on demand, but make sure you actively feed every 3 hours as a minimum, this will make sure he's not getting over hungry and has more restful sleep

At 3 weeks old he should be having 'some' awake time during the day, but also work on the day/night routine (dark and quiet at nights, bright during the day) to help him start to learn the difference as this will help his night time sleeping too.

Stick with it - they are so new to everything and its a very scary place for them.

I’d encourage you to get out and about, staying in watching Netflix was terrible for my MH because I’m like you and like to be out and about. Put baby in a sling and go and do things you want to do.

New borns are horrific Op! I remember getting home and saying to my husband why wont he sleep? It gets better though. My son is 4 now and sleeps from 7.30pm - 6.45am. He didnt sleep through till he was well over one and a half. You will get through this! X

I did a lot of baby-wearing around the house for the first couple of months - only way I could get anything done! He was about 2.5 months before he was having proper naps.