Adjusting to second child

[ReginaFlange]

I've just had a second child and as he's EBF, I can't do as much for my eldest DD (2.5). DH is now doing more of her "work".

DD and I are (were) super close and now I feel worried and anxious our relationship will change. For example, She's been to the doctor today with her dad and for various reasons I couldn't go. I feel worried she will think I've chosen a new baby over her.

Of course as I type this I realise she may be fine and it's just me being anxious but I'd love to hear/get tips from other parents about how a family adjusts to a second baby.

Tbh your relationship with her probably will change - but relationships change all the time so try not to see it as a bad thing. When you have just one child it can be quite intense - having a second naturally makes that relationship less intense. But your DD1 will now have a new relationship to develop with her baby sister, and although 2.5 seems tiny she is not that far away from school where she will need to be far more independent of you. It's also great that she will further develop her bond with her Dad.

Try not to worry about it, yes it's a big change but both you and your children will gain so much from your expanded family even if that means that the attention has to be shared around a little more.

And congratulations!

Hi, I'm at the same position you are. My DD is 2y8m and my DS is 4m and EBF. I was so worried about our relationships changing. To be honest, for the first 6ish weeks, everything changed and was upside down. Same as you, my DH took care of most of my DD's needs for the first 4 weeks as he was off work for those 4 weeks. It was really difficult adjusting to having a new baby for me. I felt like I was sat in a bubble with just me and the baby, sat watching whilst DH and DS just passed by, doing their thing. We ate at different times, which was horrible. I felt like I could reach out but couldn't touch them. Such a bizarre feeling. They were on a different clock to me. I was up all night, getting an hour or 2 sleep here and there, similar in the daytime. I felt guilty for not spending more time with DD but I physically could not. I cuddled her and played as much as I could but I was wiped out. I consided antidepressants. DH kept DD's schedule pretty much on track and took her out in the day so that she wasn't confined to the house. I also had physical problems resulting from birth to deal with, as well as DS then being diagnosed with a milk allergy and having to change my diet due to that. But after those first 6 or so weeks, everything calmed down. We were able to get our schedules re-syncd, I could spend more time awake in the day and asleep at night, so felt better in myself and was able to be with DD and DH more and go out more. DS hasn't been affected at all by having her little brother around now, she's as happy as anything, she adores him and we still all cuddle loads. Remember that your eldest probably won't even remember these days in a few months anyway. It will get easier and better as you all bond and grow and I promise you, you will still have all that love for and with your eldest and equally with your baby, which I was also worried about. Your heart will grow to accommodate the new baby, your love won't be halved, and neither will your DD's love for you xxx

Thank you @SuperKing and @AlexanderSalamander! Its good to know things level out in the future. I do agree that relationships change. I'm just bad with change and post partum, feeling everything hard. Thanks again to you both x

Mine are 2.3 years apart. The first few weeks yes, DH was basically responsible for the toddler and me the newborn. I felt like I barely saw DS. Plus I had a section so I really couldn’t be doing with an energetic toddler jumping round me.

Once DH went back to work though we got into a routine and to be honest at that age gap you have to prioritize the older ones needs and the baby just kind of fits in. Plus the constant feeding does settle down. Yes more tv was watched than I’d like, but we made it through and they’re now 4 and 2 and I don’t feel any less bonded to either of them.

I also felt it was good for DHs relationship with DS to do more stuff with him and be totally responsible for him as I literally couldn’t help out and he had no choice