activities with newborns

[GingerBeverage]

hi

Just wondering what everyone else's experiences have been of your NCT or antenatal group activities after babies have been born?

I'm struggling to even get dressed while caring for my 3 wk old. Constantly tired, can't string a sentence together etc.
Meanwhile I open our group messages and all the other mums are going out every day - arranging coffees, yoga, sensory sessions and cinema trips.
One mum with a baby less than a week old invited everyone to the pub last night!
I have managed to go to one lunch with them, so I'm also worried that they're busy forging friendships and I'm getting left behind.

So I'm feeling hugely inadequate. I thought being tired and staying home was normal but now I feel there's something wrong with me.

Has anyone else experienced this?

20 weeks in and I still feel like this! Comparing myself with others has been one of the toughest parts of motherhood so far. Give yourself a break and do only what you feel comfortable with. My antenatal group friends are all out and about for whole days but I prefer a manageable one activity a day and usually not far from home, partly because my baby is not a good daytime sleeper and won’t sleep in the pram which makes being out all day pretty tough. I’ve been honest with the group and I think everyone understands and respects my comfort zone. Do you think if you shared how you felt with them it might make you feel better?

28 months in and some days we get dressed and walk the dogs then just about survive til DH home!
Don't feel under pressure, especially when you're barely recovered from birth

Didn't even do any classes with DS til he was 6 months or go to a play group session

It's absolutely different for everyone and hugely dependent on your recovery, baby temperament, etc.

I was one of the 'up and at em' types, and we were at classes and at the cinema from very early on. But I had a) an amazing sleeper so no sleep deprivation b) a very calm and easygoing baby generally c) a partner who was home for the first month and d) despite an EMCS, I felt physically pretty well from very early. Oh and e) I get stir crazy easily.

Everyone is different so don't push yourself to do stuff you don't want to. But I will say that making the effort to do stuff with the other new mums early on actually ended up being great for my mental health and we have a really close network now and have supported each other through some tough times. Little babies are very portable, so sometimes it's good to make the most of it when they'll just snooze most places!

It also depends on which number baby it is. I vividly remember rearranging the appointment for the 8 week check for dc1 because it was 9am and I couldn’t possibly get me and him out of the house by then.

I did the school run when dc3 was 48 hours old because dc1 was in reception and not getting out of the house by 8.45 was a luxury I didn’t have. And all 4 of us got there for dc1 to start school on time. I was just a bit more together by then!

Thanks for the replies. Yes it is my first baby so it's all new/scary.
I'm not very good in group communications but I have mentioned a couple of times how difficult I have found leaving the house, so hopefully they are aware.
I don't usually compare myself to other people that much but the newness of the situation has thrown off my equilibrium.

I think it's so individual. I'm afraid I was a bit like your nct group but all after the first week as I was in hospital for 5 days. I had a hard pregnancy with severe pain so even after my c section I needed to be active for my mental heath .

I think it also depends how far away things are... I live 5 mins from the cinema and baby groups, I would never be out all day but for me... I HAD to do stuff otherwise I felt very lonely. Even if it was just an hour stroll and a coffee.

On a side note - they shouldn't be doing yoga so early! Their bodies aren't ready. It's 8 weeks for vbac and 12 weeks for c section.

Just do what works for you! If you don't want to go to all these things then don't! But if you do want to but don't feel able, discuss with your partner and start going out with him at weekends on little jaunts to get confidence. Either way.... This is your body, your baby... Don't be pressured!

At that age the baby doesn't care what they do as long as they have you. So just do what you want/feel up to! Although I did feel better when I got out and spoke to adults whenever possible but choose easy no pressure activities. I went to breastfeeding group and toddler group. No one minded if I hadn't brushed my hair and they would all watch/cuddle the baby while I had a cup of tea or went to the loo.

I felt very tired, could also barely talk, but after the first week went out every day to break up the day and get out of the house. I found it depressing being stuck in too long! I got dressed during the morning nap. No evening trips out though! Everyone is different - do what feels right for you.

'm struggling to even get dressed while caring for my 3 wk old...
...I have managed to go to one lunch with them

Fair fucks to you then OP. You've done better than I did.

I was another of those that was out and about quickly, a couple of days old and were out almost every day.
I never thought I would be, but I quickly felt ‘stuck’ in my house and wanted out.

I haven’t been to any activities yet though (8week) other than a baby cinema, because I have issues with socialising so I’m not ready to interact with others just yet!

3 weeks in, I wouldn't really have been up for getting out and about regularly. Maybe from 6 weeks- though still difficult to get a baby ready for a specific time at that age- and I felt shit for years through lack of sleep. Can you invite a couple of people to come to your house for coffee -until you're ready to start going out? That way, you keep up the friendships that will be of help in the near future. If not, don't worry- when you're ready to go out to groups, there'll be plenty of other women there looking to make friends.

Hi FTM 3 wk old baby and feel exactly the same I've not been out as I'm so shattered plus I can't take much help from family around me as I'm breastfeeding.
I barely have enough time to get some food let alone extra activities but u guess everyone's differed plus their babies. Do everything in ur own pace and also have some You time - I found that helps. Even if it's a shower and a cuppa tea with chocolate made me feel loads better! X

Mines nearly six months. I found baby groups made my PND and anxiety worse so I’ve stopped going. I do a lot of long walks with the dog (baby loves being in the sling). Yep I miss adult conversations but realistically the baby group chat isn’t exactly deep and meaningful, more poo and nap centric.

Once we got past the six week stage I went back to a hobby one night a week. It’s two hours (including travel) that’s just for me and I guard it fiercely. I do a bit of volunteering locally and he just comes with me.

But for now be kind to yourself.

Everyone is different. I found getting out of the house helped with improving my mood and coping with tiredness. The friends I made in the early weeks helped me through the next couple of years! My nct group with my first was much like yours, we did stuff most days from very early on. Second time round I was doing the nursery run from week 3, getting DS1 to nursery for 8am, so given we were already up and dressed it made sense to go to morning groups. I used to go to postnatal yoga on a Monday morning (from 6 weeks) and it was brilliant - I used to feel really down as DH headed off to work and I new I had another whole week to get through on my own - yoga used to lift my mood and gave me something to look forwards too. We then started going for lunch afterwards, which is how I met most of my mum friends.

I've mentioned this feeling to a midwife and she said she found her group too competitive / stress inducing so left it. I don't want to do that but it's good to know my reaction isn't isolated.
There's so much pressure on women and mums all the time and esp in these early days.
I realise I'm also probably the oldest in the group and had the most medicalised labour so it makes sense that I need most recuperating time.

If it isnt making you feel good then leave the group. You dont have to be in it! Also, start going out to baby groups when youre both ready. Comparison is the route of unhappiness!

I needed to get up and out every day as soon as I had DS as I hated sitting in the house. He was a difficult baby and I found it much easier to cope if we went out. Within my group there was one mum who didn’t surface for 6 weeks. She is now very sociable and we meet up a lot, but in those early weeks she struggled and wanted to be home.

I’m really surprised your friends are doing so much so soon! I don’t think I left the house for the first two weeks then it was even longer until I made it to any baby groups.

I think there is a massive amount of pressure on women to bounce back and appear to be coping better than they are. Not helped by famous mums in the press (who have nannies, house keepers, personal trainers etc etc).

Take your time. It’s normal to be knackered.

It’ll even out OP. It’s all about the mums at this stage, so coffees out / going round one another’s houses might be the easiest way. Some are comfortable feeding out and about, others not, some worried about crying, some totally shattered, some entertaining family... it does settle down.

I was in hospital for a week after giving birth, didn't drive for another 2 weeks until my partner went back to work. All I did was go for very easy walks with the pram and to Asda a few times in the first 6-8 weeks. I started to go stir crazy though as I had no family around and all the visits to see the newborn stopped after a couple of weeks so I started going to a couple of baby groups at about 8 weeks.
Breastfeeding, healing and awful sleep deprivation made me a monster to be around! I think it's good to stay in the group as when you feel up to it you can start going to more activities with them but don't put any pressure on yourself for a good while.

My baby started life in special care and then was basically a nightmare for weeks. I don’t remember going anywhere unless my husband or mum was there. We turned a corner at a couple of months when suddenly being stuck in the house was far worse than going out and since then we’ve been out and about most days. He’s incredibly hard work still but he’s far better when we’re doing stuff. And I give less of a shit now when he’s acting up in public/ with other mums. We do loads of classes and it’s a running joke if he gets through one without kicking off. He’s a little boy who knows what he wants.
I used to be envious of mums who had lazy days in the house with their well behaved napping little ones, but I’m not now. Although I get a full nights sleep nowadays so that makes everything easier!
Hang in there, you’re doing amazing.

Also, are the other babies also 3 weeks old or a bit older? By the time mine was 3 weeks old, a couple of babies were 7 weeks old and one was 11 weeks (born premature!) At this stage those few weeks make a big difference - in a couple of weeks you may feel much more up to it.

Every one really is so different. I’m one of those who’s always been up and about from early on. 7 months in, I still go out almost every day, yet others in my group only go out once or twice a week and often cancel that because they are overwhelmed or baby isn’t behaving or whatever. Personally I can’t think of anything worse than being home alone all day almost every day with my baby. They can’t work out why I like to get up and get dressed and out every day! There’s no right or wrong.

I found that I needed to get out because being at home made me feel worse. I admit to being the one who went shopping with a baby under 24 hours old

thanks everyone
i've worked out they've all had family help coming and staying with them - our mums (and most of my family) are dead so we've missed out on that support. it makes sense that having extra hands would make going out easier and more appealing
i will bumble through - you're right, everyone has different circumstances - and i hope i can join in eventually