I am a bad first time mum

[bumbly]

LO today 27 days old...

yesterday was my first "really" bad day with him...he was crying and I was trying to make sure he had a bigger gap between meals (he feeds every two hours since birth!)

so i suddenly saw myself getting pretty angry at him and raising my voice with questions like "what is wrong with you?"

so i thought ok calm down and go in kitchen and sterilise bottles for half an hour

hearing him wailing next door meant he wasn't hurting himself etc and was fine except for the crying (he was not hot/cold and had clean nappy i add)

did i do the wrong thing to go away and let him cry for half an hour while i collected myslef together again??

my mom told me babies who are in a crying fit (yes he was in one) can suffer form oxygen depravation!

argh!! she does constsntly critisie my ways but did i really do some damage to him???

do other mumsnet folk leave LOs for a bit

i am always there for him when he cries but surely once or twice I am allowed to vent my tears and anger...esp since not had a break since the birth!

today i look at him in a different light - sometimes thinking "you are truly gorgeous" - othertimes - "my oh my i have got years of this ahead!"

argh!!!

Hi B - you did the right thing in taking yourself out of a situation where you were getting angry. The fact that all is well today justifies your actions.

As for your mother, turn her opinions back on her. If she's worried about oxygen depletion when your babe's crying she can come and do her share of comforting.

I don't advocate leaving babies to cry on a regular basis at all but if you're losing your calm you absolutely need to take a break. The potential consequences of getting too wound up are not worth it.

Hi Bumbly.

I remember raising my voice a few times in the early days too and then feeling so guilty. You did the right thing going out of the room to calm down.

Once ds got to about 8 weeks he seemed to cry much less. I think it might have been because I caved in and gave him a dummy and worked out when he was hungry and when he needed to sleep - if I gave him the dummy he would tend to settle really quickly and then I somehow recognised when he was hungry and when sleepy. Or maybe the crying just did get less in general.

How hard it is to remember those awful first weeks, maybe that's a good thing though!

My ds was a very "sucky" baby and I ended up feeding him every 2 hours thinking he was hungry and then get myself into a state when he would hardly drink anything!

Its so hard at the beginning to know the "right" thing to do and how to "read" your baby - and like you, and others here, thought what on earth have I got myself into! But I just started to trust and act on my instincts, no one can criticise you for that.

It does get much easier and much more rewarding but you do def need some time out, even just for a long bath while your partner gets baby ready for bed.

DS is now 6 months, feeds like clockwork every 3 hours and lets me know when he's tired / bored. Although his routine is starting to change now and I'm just going with the flow..though this will be easier said than done when I'm back at work!

Have to say that is the first time I've heard about oxygen deprivation, but I'm not altogether surprised.. mothers and mil, who would have them! Wonder where they get these words of wisdom! Just close your ears next time.

Obviously we'll not be like that when we are grandparents / mil!

Bumbly, my DS is three weeks old and I feel exactly the same as you and have raised my voice too and felt rotten afterwards.

The thing that's helping most is reading these posts and knowing I'm not a freak for feeling like this